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Remember believing you could have a life and a baby?

(76 Posts)
CookingCabbage Sat 17-Dec-16 17:48:34

Just chat really.
My pregnant friend recenty asked me what it is REALLY like having kids (I have two). So I told her the truth about how I have no 'me' time whatsoever as 1yr old does not nap, or go to bed until 9pm. I am always with children/child as no help from relatives. At weekends I get a few hours if my DH takes them, but that's usually spent catching up on chores.

Then I saw the look on her face. She told me I was scaring her and said: "Well as long as I get to work from home, that's the important thing". I think I involuntarily laughed/scoffed before pulling my face back into a serious expression (because she was defo very serious about this). I back-tracked and said it would be OK for her, because "remember I have two kids, which is harder".

Inside I am remembering how demanding a baby is and wondering whether she will realistically be able to continue her quite demanding home-working position, whilst also looking after a child at home. I did not want to be the person being negative at a time when she is excited and positive about being a work-at-home-mum.

I can also remember completely under-estimating how time consuming raising children would be. I feel as if my life has sort-of been put on hold. If anyone has worked out how to 'keep themselves going' whilst having two kids and no help, any advice would be appreciated!

glueandstick Sat 17-Dec-16 21:07:56

😂 poor lass. She'll get used to it.

I dream of time to myself. I even volunteered to do the weekly shop at Christmas to get out on my own!

AaLittleEggLayOnALeaf Sat 17-Dec-16 21:16:10

My friend is a nanny and she's just about to have her first baby. They've set up a nursery and cot and expect the baby to actually sleep in it and stuff. I think she thinks she knows what to expect because of her job, and I can't bare to tell her she hasn't got a clue.

FATEdestiny Sat 17-Dec-16 21:16:32

I remember the days when I had only two children.... Ah, life was soooo much easier then.

t honestly was (I have 4 children now - ages 12, 10, 7 and 2). And now, if two of my children are out (any two) and I halve the sibling hassles, everything is a million times calmer and easier to do.

I'm not sure now much of my tone comes across in this post. I am aiming for ^Sarcastic But Knowing. I'm also aware it's slightly insulting to someone with 2 children. That's probably how your pregant friend felt.

Poocatcherchampion Sat 17-Dec-16 21:21:52

What's her job?

Oh poor her.

Smartleatherbag Sat 17-Dec-16 21:24:10

It's a shock to most of us. She'll adapt. However, I feel that I have always had a life, even when they were babies. It was a different life, but it was of value and was a very important time for them and for me too.

iamadaftcoo Sat 17-Dec-16 21:27:57

Why would she not put a baby into childcare on work from home days? confused

I wfh 2 days out of 4 and my 10mo is still at the childminder for those 2 days, no way could I look after him and do my job at the same time - and that's with him napping twice daily for 1.5 hrs each and going to bed at 6.30.

iamadaftcoo Sat 17-Dec-16 21:29:14

They've set up a nursery and cot and expect the baby to actually sleep in it and stuff.

My baby sleeps in his cot. In fact he won't sleep anywhere but his cot which is a huge pita.

Heirhelp Sat 17-Dec-16 21:30:04

I think the amount of external support makes a huge difference to the amount of life you can have.

Purplehonesty Sat 17-Dec-16 21:31:51

Oh god. My life was over the day I came home from hospital.
And I was going to carry on as normal and baby was going to fit around us.
I wasn't going to be one of those people who visited and took their kids and never got to talk to the hosts at all. Oh no.

Chattycat78 Sun 18-Dec-16 08:04:17

I remember thinking that I was going to make sure I still took good care of my appearance after the baby came along. Hahahahaha. I can barely get to the loo now I have two of them (2 under 2).

Does your friend think sge is going to work at home whilst looking adter the baby? Hmmm....

Mol1628 Sun 18-Dec-16 08:07:46

Oh goodness. You really can't imagine how it will be till the baby arrives! And I find it gets worse the older they get because they sleep less in the day and you can't just put them in a pram to go out and get things done, they need entertaining and stuff.

MoreThanUs Sun 18-Dec-16 08:10:05

I wouldn't be too snidey. I've had 3 DC and all have been very easy babies, with 2 sleeping all the time for 3 weeks. All slept in their crib from day one. When they're mobile, they are harder, but they still sleep quite a bit usually. Not everyone ceases to function when they have children.

AmberEars Sun 18-Dec-16 08:11:46

Is your friend planning to work from home with no childcare while the baby plays quietly around her feet? I had a friend who was planning to do this! I couldn't bear to burst her bubble completely but I remember I did tell her that I thought that would be tough.

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight Sun 18-Dec-16 08:14:42

I think you were a bit too honest🙊 For all the hard bits, its wonderful!!

Somersetlady Sun 18-Dec-16 08:17:29

I worked from home after no 1 took 2 weeks off just keeping an eye on emails.

Babies sleep a lot its doable.

Second baby came into the office with me after a week (own business).

Followed Gina Ford as recommended by other working professional friends and it worked for us.

Unless unwell both 7mo and 2 yo sleep 7-6.30/7.30 so our evening are our own.

Your friend might be more organized, better functioning on lack of sleep than you or able to outsource cleaning (this was my biggest help) so I think that you were probably harsh to burst her bubble.

Shes excited for the new arrival and will find her own routine. Its amazing what you can do when you have to!

neonrainbow Sun 18-Dec-16 08:18:26

Just because your baby doesn't nap or go to bed it doesnt mean hers won't.

ocelot41 Sun 18-Dec-16 08:49:53

I was planning to make good headway on my PhD because babies sleep a lot, right? Hahaha.. I had a very refluxy baby who slept in 15 min blocks on me and then screamed for 45 mins either side of that. Five times a day. And then the night started ..I was a hollow shell of myself for a long time. I couldn't believe how hard it was

Artandco Sun 18-Dec-16 08:54:56

I think you have made it sound awful. Dh and I have worked from home with two children around, and yes we do have a life with and without them. We haven't stopped going out and we do the same stuff we did before they were born. Ours slept in our bed mainly as babies but slept through the night so everyone well rested. We are now almost 7 years in, and still do the above

Wolverbamptonwanderer Sun 18-Dec-16 08:56:36

SHe can't work from home with a baby- she is seriously unprepared if she thinks that. Who thinks childcare is optional!?

I have a life though. I just don't give 100% of myself to the children, which some people don't agree with

Gowgirl Sun 18-Dec-16 08:59:49

I remember, ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dsis spouted some shite about just adding her baby due in June to her life last night.....how I laughed!!!

Artandco Sun 18-Dec-16 09:01:56

Wolve - why not? As I said, Dh and I both have taken turns working from home the last 7 years. They only went to nursery 3 hrs a day the 6months before starting school. Otherwise we have worked around them. Sometimes whilst they slept or napped, sometimes whilst they played and occupied themselves, sometimes when the other parent came home. Usually 7-9 hrs a day.

ImYourMama Sun 18-Dec-16 09:02:24

But scared to raise my head above the parapet but my little girl is 3 months old, sleeps where you put her, at least 2-2.5 hours at a time and is otherwise happy to be carted round in a sling whilst I get things done...

Wolverbamptonwanderer Sun 18-Dec-16 09:04:42

You're self employed aren't you artandco? If you want to put yourself through that as a self employed, then go for it (but basically when people happily describe looking after the children all day then logging in after bed time for a day's work all I can think is: sweatshop)

But also, if you're employed most employers won't let you wfh with children present.

Nan0second Sun 18-Dec-16 09:04:44

I think you were mean.
There is nothing worse than people droning on and on about how awful their life is with kids. (Whilst they pop out increasing numbers.
At 18months, I have a life. I work part time, I get some time to myself, my baby is in bed at 7.30pm and mostly sleeps through. I see friends (albeit mainly with toddler in tow). We socialise in the evenings by taking a travel cot and settling the baby upstairs.
One child is manageable if you have a partner who pulls their weight.
The early days were awful, I grant you. I had a refluxy, cmpa, tongue tied nightmare. However, I don't tell pregnant women that. I hated all those women who told me that "it only gets harder" for every stage my baby was at. That wasn't true for us. You don't know what her baby will be like or her family setup.
I admit I don't work from home though!

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