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Parenting

How long would you leave a 9 week old baby to cry before picking them up?

58 replies

Pinkflipflop · 04/04/2013 11:17

Just that really. We don't leave him to cry at all at the minute but dh and I wonder if a few moments to have a little whimper would do him any harm.

I'm not talking distressed howling as obviously I would be strait over. However I have noticed that baby has different sorts of cries.

Do I sound like a dreadful mum? It's my first and I don't have anyone I could feel comfortable to ask this q! I'm older, 33, so I think people just assume I know these things!

OP posts:

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Pinkflipflop · 04/04/2013 11:19

*straight!

OP posts:

notwoo · 04/04/2013 11:20

Well I'd rather not but with DS being my second he quite often had to be left for 5 minutes or so whilst I helped my 3 year old DD with things like going to the loo -getting out of the bath etc.
Sometimes he dropped off to sleep or found something interesting to look at and cheered up. Other times he just had to wait. Doesn't seem to have done any damage!

pod3030 · 04/04/2013 11:21

at this age, go with your primal instincts. with me, it was always to respond. not necessarily picking them up, but stroking their heads, letting them know you're near. New babies need the constant reassurance that they haven't been abandoned.

sydlexic · 04/04/2013 11:22

I would never leave a baby to cry. You will learn what the different cries mean as you get to know each other.

I believe that a baby needs to feel loved and secure and know that DM will come when needed. That is just my opinion.

ClaudiaSchiffer · 04/04/2013 11:22

Pink you sound like a lovely mum, a few mins grizzling isn't going to harm him at all.

Babies do have different cries, well done on picking up on it, it took me AGES to realise that!

EasilyBored · 04/04/2013 11:26

I think at 9 weeks I would just go with your instinct and pick him up. As they get older you do sort of figure out what cry means 'come get me right now!' and what means 'I'm just having a whinge, give me 30 seconds or so and I'll be asleep or distracted' etc.

KatyN · 04/04/2013 14:22

We left ours for 3.5 minutes (much negotiation between me and dh got to this number). it meant he learnt to settle himself in the night. Obv we don't leave him this long if it's a pain scream!

anklebitersmum · 04/04/2013 14:34

I'd pick 'em up straight away at 9 weeks. I am draconian Mum in many many ways but I don't think you can 'over-cuddle' a baby and at that age they cry for a reason imho.

Settling themselves when they start the 'you left the room' routine at around 3 months is a different kettle of fish though

Panic not, cuddle lots and relax with a

ExitPursuedByABear · 04/04/2013 14:36

I never put mine down for the first few months. Go with your instincts.

TheSurgeonsMate · 04/04/2013 14:40

I'd agree, not long at all.

We did start to pick out a "shout out" cry that dd gave before she was just about to fall asleep, and I was keen to try not to disturb her during that, but otherwise I just picked her up.

noblegiraffe · 04/04/2013 14:46

Mine does a waah every few seconds when she's tired, it's very distinctive. I don't pick her up when she's doing this as she will fall asleep after 5-10 minutes and picking her up will only disturb her. If it becomes a different waah, I'll pick her up, usually she has wind or is hungry.

My first I wouldn't leave to cry because he would only get more and more distressed and harder to calm down. His only cry was for attention.

zzzzz · 04/04/2013 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worldgonecrazy · 04/04/2013 14:48

At that age, as long as it took me to get to them. Cuddled babies = secure babies = better for you long term.

SingSongMummy · 04/04/2013 14:50

I remember someone telling me about a 3 minute rule when I had my first baby. As someone said above, with DD2 she would sometimes have to wait for attention as I was dealing with DD1 and would either fall asleep or calm down. The 3 minute wait was great for me (I had to time it with the clock as otherwise it feels like ages!). obviously I didn't do it with a loud or angry cry. I have read before that some babies like to shout/cry footer a minute our two to shut out the stimulus of the world before sleeping!

SingSongMummy · 04/04/2013 14:51

Sorry 'cry for a minute or two'

blueberryupsidedown · 04/04/2013 14:54

Well... If you'd have another child to look after, if you had twins, or if you had to get your other children ready for school, you would have to leave him to cry for a few minutes. My second DS's first word was 'inaminute' or something similar. I don't think it does them any harm, especially if you are there to reassure them with a kind voice, but at the end of the day if there is something you need to do then your baby has to wait...

PearlyWhites · 04/04/2013 14:55

Not at all, if a baby that young is crying they have a genuine need, that need may just be a cuddle.

DinoSnores · 04/04/2013 15:20

We really noticed that DS roared just before he fell asleep and DD seems to do the same. There is a definite grizzly "I'm just going to sleep" cry.

Curiously, sometimes DD will get MORE agitated being in our arms, yet if I put her down, she'll go to sleep straightaway!

She just doesn't get the same attention that DS got when he was the same age, just because I need to do stuff like finishing his dinner, changing him etc, and I don't think that's a bad thing. She's not left to cry for any significant length of time but I can't pick her up straightaway.

QTPie · 04/04/2013 15:37

I wouldn't leave a baby to cry, but DS used to have a good whinge/grizzle before going to sleep (he did this until he was about 2 I think!). It wasn't him bring upset, just his way of getting himself to sleep. If that makes sense.

So it is about learning what the different cries mean: wouldn't leave a young child (or an older one for that matter) distressed.

SquidgersMummy · 04/04/2013 22:42

I'd pick up as soon as I was able to. 9 weeks is still teeny, tiny. As they get bigger they get diff cries and you can tell what they want but at 9 weeks their memory capacity is so short I would pick up to reassure. X

attheendoftheday · 04/04/2013 23:09

I wouldn't leave a 9 week old to cry at all, they're very little.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 04/04/2013 23:19

Wouldn't leave at all at this tiny age.

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BooCanary · 04/04/2013 23:20

I got my worst ever MN slating on aibu when I admitted that I had once left DC2 to cry for a few minutes whilst I dealt with DC1 who had wet herself and the carpet.

Apparently I should have left DC1 soaked in wee, gone to dc2, put him in a sling, cleared up DC1 whilst bfing, and left the carpet completely.

Years later, DS seems totally unaffected by the impact of being left for a couple of minutes, and my hall carpet is still going strong .

BooCanary · 04/04/2013 23:23

Sorry for the rant op!
To answer your question, your gut will tell you if a cry requires immediate attention. A bit of whimpering before falling asleep may be necessary, but I would respond as quickly as possible to full on upset.

Myliferocks · 04/04/2013 23:23

With DC1 at that age I would have picked her up straight away.
DC5 at that age it would have depended on whether the other 4 needed something urgently doing.

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