I am so worried about my little boy starting nursery

[babysharkdodododododo]

I go back to work from mat leave in 4 weeks. My little boy will be 8 and a half months. He is my whole world and the thought of putting him in nursery is tearing me apart. He will be heartbroken and I will be heartbroken and I just don't want to do it at all.

I have a job that I like, it's not that. I just dont want to leave my little baby boy. He's too little.

I have to go back because we can't afford for me not too. It's just not an option.

But I want to stay at home and raise my boy, not pay someone else to do it

It is a lovely nursery. I viewed loads and this is by far the best i could find. But i want him at home with me. I am going to miss him so much.

Is there any way this could possibly work out ok? Has anyone felt like this and it's been ok? I am so upset about it.

[joan12]

Will it be full time? Is there any way you could manage until he is just a bit older? They change and develop so much, especially once toddling around. As you are willing and happy to stay home (and I know some are not which is fair enough) I would honestly try and find a way to extend your leave at least up to a year. Eight/nine months is prime separation anxiety time too.

If you do have to do it then spend some time on the settling in process, big smiles etc, try not to show him you are upset. Good luck.

[MissClarke86]

Oh lovely. Honestly, it will be absolutely fine. My little girl is 15 months now and she started Nursery at 9 months - I felt EXACTLY the same and the first few weeks are tough - it feels so wrong to be apart after your maternity leave thinking of nothing but them. I cried a lot.

But honestly, truly it gets easier - I’m not just saying that to make you feel better. They settle in, they have amazing experiences and lots of social interaction, you get chance to be all the different parts of “you” again and gradually, slowly it just becomes the new normal.

It helps as they get older and less “tiny and newborny” I think.

And picking them up is just THE BEST.

Let your emotions be, they are totally normal - but remember it will get easier once the dust settles and your LO will be absolutely fine and have fantastic experiences at Nursery.

[letstryagainaaahhhh]

I felt the same when my daughter went to nursery full time at 8 months. I cried and cried before she started and worried incessantly the first few days. Turns out though that she absolutely loves it and 4 months later she is such a sociable, cheeky and affectionate little girl. She gets excited on the way to nursery, has never once cried at drop off. And when I pick her up, she will be happily playing with the other babies but is also clearly delighted that her mummy is there. I honestly can't believe how easy it's been... nursery for us has been fantastic and problem free. She even sleeps better since going! It's such great stimulation for them and they do all sorts of arts and crafts and messy play, which I would never be able to do at home. Try not to worry, it really will be fine.

[8pinksnails]

He will be fine, I was worried about my daughter starting as she was going through a stage of crying with everyone else shortly before she started but now she loves it.

[BackforGood]

He won't be heartbroken.
You will find it difficult. Most parents do when they first leave their child.
Use the next four weeks to begin to get used to the idea. Have you not left him with anyone up until now ?

[schoolworrier]

Hi Op. love the name!

I could have written this post. (DS same age staring nursery in a month). However, I have been through this before when I sent DD to nursery. Like you I had no option financially and don't this time either. As others have said it was fine for her but terribly sad for me. You will be fine and you will count down the moments to pick up every day.

[applesandpears56]

I’m sorry op - I’d love to reassure you but I do think he’s really too young to be starting nursery full time. I know you say you can’t afford it but have you approached your work about cutting down hours/days for a pay cut? The pay cut might match the nursery fees they are so expensive! I know loads of people that have gone back full time and really struggled (and loads that didn’t). The fact you alreadY feel like this is a warning sign for me. I think you should do everything possible to engineer your life to be able to spend as much time with him as you can - working a 4 day week or even 90% hours with an afternoon off a week, asking family to babysit instead of nursery if they can, working from home if you can or compressed hours.

[applesandpears56]

Just really see what your options are

[applesandpears56]

Oh and some people I know retrained as childminders to be able to stay with their kids

[babysharkdodododododo]

Thank you very much for all the replies. I also feel like he's too young for nursery which is partly why Im so worried about it.

I should have said, I'll be doing a 4 day week, and he will be going to my mum 2 days a week, so only in nursery for 2 days.

I have only left him twice and only for an hour or so once was when he was 1 month old and slept the whole time so had no idea I had gone anywhere and the other was a few weeks ago and he did really well. He cried when i left but was fine after a minute or so.

It's so very hard. It is such a relief to read stories of children enjoying it. I will be so happy if he does. He loves other children but I just don't know how he'll manage away from me. He still cries when i leave the room sometimes.

Its so hard because I feel like im doing something that isnt the right thing for my child. I just want to do the right thing for him.

[babysharkdodododododo]

Thank you for telling me about the positive things about nursery too. I feel like I'm putting him in prison which is very silly It would be wonderful if he enjoys it and gets something postive from it. It is a lovely nursery.

[applesandpears56]

Oh look that’s perfect isn’t it - he’s only going 2 days!
And a 4 day week is fab - you get to work and have a day with him
2 days with your mum will be hard work for her but so so good for your baby to develop a really deep bond with their grandma
It’ll be fine
How about using your annual leave to take a day off randomly for a few weeks in your first month to help ease yourself in?

[catgee]

I had to go back to work full time and was so worried about my DS because he had literally only ever been with me and DH. I thought he wouldn't be able to sleep properly etc. Turns out he loves it. He's now 18mths old and never cries when I drop him off. Whenever I collect him he's always laughing (and eating) and having a wonderful time. He's gets so much enjoyment out of being around all the other children that even if I could afford to stop work, I think I'd still want him to be in childcare a few days, just for himself. (I miss him every day though but that's my problem not his!) :D

[halfwitpicker]

OMG two days at nursery then two days with your mum, he'll be fine.

And you'll finally be able to have a hot brew at work

[babysharkdodododododo]

This is SO reassuring, thank you so much everyone.

Catgee that is so great to hear that you would send him even if you didn't have too because he gets so much out if it. I hope i end up feeling the same. He loves other children so im hoping he'll enjoy that aspect.

Im also doing a phased return which will help a bit i think. And my work are very supportive so im lucky from that point too.

He loves my mum! So he'll be ok with nanny i think.

Thank you so much everyone for your advice and reassurance, i really appreciate it

[MrsBobDylan]

I felt the same as you but you have to remind yourself that you are still looking after him while you're at work by keeping him fed and clothed with a roof over his head.

I honestly felt the same as you and my circs were so similar. I'm so glad I stuck in with work, my third child starts school in September and if I didn't have a job I'd be dreading it even more than I am now.

[babysharkdodododododo]

Thank you MrsBobDylan . I keep trying to tell myself that so it's really good to be reminded of it. Everything I'm doing and every penny that I earn I'm doing for him.

Also, I've worked hard to get the job I've got so i know deep down id be silly to walk away from it. Its just so hard now its getting closer.

I do feel a bit better reading all your replies though, thank you

[HSMMaCM]

I'm a childminder, but it is honestly much harder for the parents than the children. They get to play all day with friends and new toys. It's fine.

[Blaablaablaa]

Honestly he will be absolutely fine! It will be difficult for you at first but just think of all the great things he will be doing and learning. My DS has been in nursery full time since he was 10 months but did one day a week from 6 months. He's thriving and I attribute much of that to the fabulous learning environment his nursery provides. He does things there that would be impossible for me to do at home.

@apples no need for the guilt trip

[ChevalierTialys]

He will be heartbroken - nope. He'll be confused for about a minute and a half, then a noisy/shiny/exciting toy will be presented to him and he'll be too distracted to notice you're not there.

and I will be heartbroken - yep. Far harder on you than him. Our nursery was very sweet and understanding about my need to call and check on him the first few times. Try not to overdo it though

and I just don't want to do it at all - totally get it I didn't either. We put DS in nursery at 15 months and it was SO hard going to work and leaving him but DS (now 3) loves his nursery, he runs in with such excitement and cries when he has to leave. Lots of other children to play with, all the toys and musical instruments and singing and stories, yummy food and lovely nursery staff. What's not to love?

It IS hard at first but this too shall pass.

[ChevalierTialys]

Also, the nursery does the most adorable little bits from the children for mothers day/fathers day/Christmas etc, which is very sweet of them and it's lovely to have things DS has made for us.

[Lovetocycle]

He'll be fine. I felt the same in the run up to returning to work, but honestly he absolutely loves it. He's happy and excited when I drop him off. He's always in a good mood for the rest of evening and sleeps through fine. His personality has really started to come out since he started.

[lifechangesforever]

There's a lot of bullshit on this thread. 'Too young to go to nursery' what about children in other countries where maternity leave is a matter of weeks?

'Key time for separation anxiety' as opposed to what other time? What research is there for this? What a way to guilt trip.

I have absolutely no doubt that it's going to be hard but my DD will be going to nursery five days a week from 9 months. Yes, I'd love to do less days but no, it's not an option and I don't believe it will be any detriment to them - just like it hasn't been for any of my many, many friends who did the same.

I get it OP, but baby will be absolutely fine. They will thrive, they will love it. I'm sure you'll grow to love being back at work and having some adult time

[LandOfOddSocks]

OP I felt exactly the same as you and DS was even younger when I had to go back to work. Same situation, no choice financially, working 4 days per week. I was devastated and cried so much.

He absolutely loves nursery. His little face lights up when we arrive there. He's got so much out of it socially and developmentally. I still miss him a lot of course but we make the most of the three days we have together. It's about quality, not quantity. He will be fine and you will too, just give it time. I know how hard it is though.

[HushabyeMountainGoat]

My son has been doing 2 days at nursery for around 6 weeks now. He was 9months when he started. He has always been a really busy boy and he has enjoyed nursery from the off. They have had him rolling around in paint doing 'body art', singing with him and introducing him to so many new toys. The toddlers in the room help him and he loves to watch them play. He has such big smiles for his staff but the biggest smile of all for me when i pick him up. He is never clingy and always happy to go to them. He sleeps really well after nursery too as i know he has done so much in a day.

I don't regret putting him in nursery one bit.