I went with my DH for my routine 12 week scan on Monday. The baby had died four weeks earlier and they sent me for a D&C. Every time we lose a baby it's like being in a nightmare that we can't wake up from. Our first was almost 22 weeks and I had a prem labour in hospital. I was alone because they'd sent my husband home to fetch me some books and things. They didn't even warn him when he got back that our dead son would be laying next to me. The next baby I lost at home at 11 weeks. My DH took him/her into the hospital thinking they would do testing as my first miscarriage was so late. We found out a week later that the form they got him to sign in his grief ridden fog wasn't for testing it was for them to dispose of the baby. The next baby was miscarried at my parents house at 7 weeks. This time my Aunt was staying with us so she took control and told the hospital that this baby had to be sent to Guys for testing and even had to tell them how to store it because the doctor on the phone told me to stick in the freezer until Monday! My DH and I were karyotyped. We were told our results would take four weeks and the babies about seven weeks. 15 weeks later and we still have no results. Straight after losing our third baby I got pregnant with our fourth. I was put on aspirin and cyclogest pesseries. I felt more sick than ever and had no bleeding at all. We thought this was going to be it at last until Monday sent us crashing down to earth. The anesthetist and a surgeon had separately come to speak to me about the procedure many hours before I went in and I'd told them both that the results from my third baby had clearly been lost in the system so please test this baby and not make this life a complete waste too. Just before they knocked me out in theatre I said "please tell me you're going to test this baby" and she said "oh no one's mentioned that". Yesterday my husband spent hours trying to get through to the consultant who had taken over from the one we saw last year. All he got was answer machines. I've been trying for 15 weeks and all I've ever got is put through to an answer machine and never called back. I've never felt so invisible. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. We won't try again because it seems pointless at this stage to keep making lives that will never make it. At the same time this need to be parents is tearing us both apart. We are so alone and no one will help us.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
LunaticFringe ·
09/09/2011 09:44
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