Hello
I'm not sure if this is the right place to talk about my wife and so our menopause journey / problems.
For 2 years now my wife has become more and more demanding in all aspects of our lives. She is becoming a monster.
When I did some research online I found much to support the idea that "it's not her fault" etc. which of course I accept and the general message was to be supportive and loving, which I think I have.
I am not a passive person by nature but I made a pact with myself that I would simply try not to do anything to upset her, I would be supportive and I would do pretty much anything she reasonably wanted.
I now fear I have created a beast. I love my wife dearly and we have been together 33 years and sure we've had tough times but always got through them, but I fear she is now out of control.
Let me explain a bit more. I have done everything I can reasonably do to make her happy, but it now seems I have run out of the ability to please her. She is now saying she still loves me but is no longer in love with me which of course hurts. She is thinking separation might be a good idea, but even my suggestion we take separate rooms was dashed in an instant.
For at least the last 3 months we have been more like brother and sister in our day to day lives and intimacy which was IMO always the glue that kept us strong hasn't happened in ages.
I fear that in backing down to all her wants and needs has diminished me in her eyes. Not that I have been domineering but I have always made the big decisions. I feel I have given so much of me away that I even barely reconise me, even friends have commented on my passive nature now.
She is going to the Dr. next week but in her head she is totally anti HRT because she thinks there are too many dangers associated with it and any suggestion on my part that she might think about it is me with "its my body" type comments.
At the moment a big part of me feels I or she should just go, we have the option as we have another home, but I am simply not a quitter.
I know everyone and couple in the menopause is on a different journey but I would really value some feedback. I don't want to talk to friends as we share the same friends and TBH I feel that really they can't be objective because the are in the middle and I can't see any worthwhile outcome. Plus I am ashamed to admit that we are having these problems.
I feel so alone in this. Maybe our marriage has come to an end in her eyes, but I don't feel this, but I have said to her to think very carefully about what she wants because she might not like it when she gets it. Which is what I have read so many times in my reading.
Also I think she drinks way too much which can't help. Often getting through 1 + bottles of wine a night. She is on a whole raft of anti angsiaty (sorry can't spell it) medication for most of her adult life, she also has the increasing pressure of an aging and more demanding mother, and her brother who was coles by and helped in this has moved away only coming back monthy, if that. She is half way through an OU course and is beginning to struggle. She generally has no motivation, she is neglecting the house, I can't remember the last time she cooked, all she seems to do is play candy crush etc. I genuinely think she is depressed and is focusing me as the cause. Oh and to cap it off nicely she had her first panic attack in a supermarket in several years.
When the menopause started she became really strong and capable and I admit at first it was hard to adjust, but all this seems to have gone out of the window, its like she's had a high and now the low is here.
Sorry for rambling. Am I alone in this? I would love to hear both genders views. I'm not looking for solutions, just answers and to know I'm not alone.
K
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Menopause
Me and my wifes (our) menopause
user1484852106 · 20/01/2017 18:53
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