Sorry, long irratic waffle appraoching. I feel torn. Do I put my marriage first, or my kids? Obv. I don't come first in any of this.
I've lived in Switzerland for nearly 7 years. 2 of our 3 boys were born here. I moved around a lot as a child and adult. I just want to settle down. DH had a very stable childhood and wants excitment, change. He's been offered, and accepted a fantastic job in Milan.
I need to decide if I go with him or stay here and we commute, ie he comes back for weekends, we go there during school holidays.
If we go, boys going to have to learn Italian, it'll be hard, they have already done it with German. I don't want to put them under the extra stress. Ds2 & 3 cope very badly with change. Ds 1 a lot more adaptable. Sorry I'm jumping about a bit, Boys are 3, 6 & 7 (almost 8).
I love it here. Swiss mentality suits my personality. Hate the thought of Italy. Hate the sound of Milan, the traffic, heat, pollution...
If we move, DH will be in an English speaking office, working long hours and travelling a lot, so we wouldn't see much of him anyway. And I'd have to cope with everything on my own, no friends, no Knowledge of Italian, no help (have good support network with neighbors here). It will be much harder for me & the boys than him.
But if we stay - well dh had a 6 month long affair recently, from September to March. So obv. trust a big issue.
He says I am negative and unsupportive. But I feel negative about it. I love it here. I don't want to start all over again. But can I risk my marriage like this?
I've adi I won't go straight away, we'll do the commute for 6 months. I'm learning Italian, and we'll see how it goes. I really don't know. I guess if we didn't have kids I'd go, and I'd see it as an adventure. But I remember as a kid moving schools and finding it horrible. And that was without being chucked into a foreign school not knowing a word of the language. on the other hand, they could end up tri-lingual. Very confused.
I know you can't make the dicission for me, but anyone help me iron out some thoughts??? See it from a clearer neutral perspective?
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dh got that job in Milan, should I stay or should I go? Don't want to leave Switzerland.
69 replies
ernest · 08/08/2007 09:32
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08/08/2007 09:43
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08/08/2007 09:43
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