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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Legal matters

Paternity - UPDATE what now?

60 replies

tiger14 · 01/02/2017 08:30

Hi, I posted recently on here about getting a dna test done as a woman had (completely out of the blue) contacted my husband and said he was the father to her 11 year old daughter. If you remember she was blackmailed him and stuff and then sent me a nasty message. Anyway in the email I sent requesting a dna test and saying she had to find money for it, I told her he doesn't remember being with her (he was drunk but has blocked a lot out from this time due to quite severe depression) this morning I've received the following email from her.

Well, if he doesn't remember then I must have mistaken him with somebody else. I'm terribly sorry for my mistake and will not bother you or your family again. Please accept my sincere apologies.

I will be deleting this email account so can assure you that you will receive no further correspondence from me. I hope you and your family enjoy a long and delightful life.

Goodbye.

I just want to know what people think I should do? Leave it, answer it and if so what do I say? I just feel she's just 'throwing her toys out of the pram' as she hasn't got the response she wanted.

OP posts:

Report

RedHelenB · 01/02/2017 15:01

Poor kid! If there is any possibility that your husband could be the father I hope he would press for a paternity test!

Evergreen777 · 01/02/2017 15:04

Could it be a complete scam, being tried on lots of people, or did she clearly know your DH?

She seems to have backed off very quickly indeed at suggestions of a test. And assuming it was a one night stand, it surely wouldn't have been all that surprising that 12 years later he might not remember?

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 01/02/2017 15:07

Oh my god, what a chancer! Funny how these women back off when asked to pay for a DNA test. My DP's ex was all demanding and nasty until the same request was made of her. Now she's ignoring me and I've not heard from her for a year. The difference is that we know the DNA results from a preliminary test, it's just not enough for court.

It's crap because I'm sure you want to know the truth of the matter. What are yours and his feelings on how to proceed?

tiger14 · 01/02/2017 17:13

We want to know the truth, in writing if he is or isn't the father. But all I have is the email address and she says she is now closing that down so would be really hard to press through courts. The woman in question did work for him at that time so it is possible....

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VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 01/02/2017 17:29

We've asked whether this woman has had anyone else dna tested. She has, and I have a copy of his negative results (just in case she denied it's possible there were other men).

I also asked her what she was doing to contact any other potential fathers, however I think this and telling her that is she wanted the paternity test, she should pay for it, is why she disengaged.

This woman sounds like she is working from a script. Email she'll close down? Why? Did she want her child to know their father or did she just want to blackmail money out of you?

Can you find her on any social media etc?

tiger14 · 01/02/2017 17:34

That sounds very similar as we asked for a dna test she said she couldn't afford it so we said we'd pay our half she needed to find her half and then this email was her response!! She has blocked us on Facebook, can't see her on anything else. But have found an ex and she sounds like a right nut case.......

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VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 01/02/2017 17:39

Her initials aren't HH by any chance?! Also been blocked on FB. This thread had made me look elsewhere for her, and I have just located her on a photo sharing site and messaged her there.

It really does feel dreadfully Jeremy Kyle, doesn't it!

Are there any mutual friends or colleagues who could help you be in touch with her if this email is really closed? I doubt it would be, but she's trying to control the situation.

RebootYourEngine · 01/02/2017 17:52

Sounds like it was all a scam.

Ilovecaindingle · 01/02/2017 17:56

I suspected in your last post she was a crook!! If she did indeed think your dh was the father and could extract csa then I am sure she would find the cash for a test!!

tiger14 · 01/02/2017 18:17

No not HH!! No friends or colleagues to be in touch with her. Well that was my thoughts, she was just trying to get money......

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tiger14 · 02/02/2017 21:49

Well yet another email...... so she is a liar, supposedly she was deleting the email account. Really do not know what to do now, I want a dna test but with only having email address.......

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VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 02/02/2017 21:50

What is she saying today?

tiger14 · 02/02/2017 21:56

"So, for the record, I didn't have a boyfriend at the time. And if he is saying that nothing happened then why would you want a DNA test? And yes, of course it's me who is unstable. The only reason that I send messages late at night is because my priorities are with my kids during the day and I only check my emails every now and then when I'm not busy. Like I said, just forget about it. I'm not gonna waste anymore of my time. Not replying to anymore emails. Enjoy your life. Goodbye."

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tiger14 · 02/02/2017 21:57

I replied that dh said he didn't remember not that he didn't have sex with her. And that we want a birth certificate and dna test. To which she replied again!!!!!!!

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tiger14 · 02/02/2017 21:58

"And just to clarify that if that's what he said then I must have been mistaken. A copy of the both certificate is not going to prove anything. Just forget the whole thing."

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tiger14 · 02/02/2017 21:58

Again I said - birth certificate proves date of birth and that we want a dna test

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VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 02/02/2017 22:00

Ugh, what a drama queen.

By all means, spell it out to her. You want the DNA test because he can't remember sex with her. If she is adamant, then a DNA test will prove it and your DP can step up to the plate and be a responsible father. Without the DNA, he can't be sure of his position. If he is the father, he'd like to be involved etc etc.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 02/02/2017 22:01

Sorry, X posts

tiger14 · 02/02/2017 22:01

Exactly. It's getting a dna test out of her......

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tiger14 · 02/02/2017 22:13

Sorry what does that mean? X posts?

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HecateAntaia · 02/02/2017 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiger14 · 02/02/2017 22:16

That's it, he's not trying to shirk responsibility. We just want to know so we can all move on, either get closure or start ball rolling re contact/ maintenance.

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Evergreen777 · 02/02/2017 22:22

Can you get some other details out of her? Address? She should definitely be able to show a copy of the birth certificate, which should show a plausible date, location, father not named, her own name, etc.

The behaviour you've described so far doesn't sound like that of someone who is genuinely trying to get in touch with the father of her child.

tiger14 · 02/02/2017 22:40

I don't think it is, I think it's about the money. Did ask for her address but she just ignored that part of the email......

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Badgoushk · 02/02/2017 22:50

Maybe pretend that you're goingvto send her money for the DNA test and get her address to post the cheque to!

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