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Talk to me about having 4 DC - I already feel overwhelmed with 3!

(42 Posts)
NoCapes Fri 15-Jul-16 11:19:43

I've just found out I'm pregnant with a surprise DC4, my head is absolutely up my arse atm

I struggle with 3, I really do struggle
Number 4 was just not part of the plan - we'll need a new car, we will probably have to move, I won't be able to go back to work

Talk to me about life with 4, is it as hard as it is in my head?

SeymourButtz Fri 15-Jul-16 13:11:40

3 DC for me was really tough, I found it a huge leap. So having number 4 filled me with fear, however I actually didn't find it harder at all. We already had a bigger car though and I didn't move house so we didn't have that stress. I found it easier to get in a routine and lucky enough to be in a profession that I could find flexible hours and actually worked full time by condensing hours into 3 days. I had a two year gap between each one. Honestly 3 nearly finished me off, 4 was grand, DC 5 is now 10 months grin All the best with your pregnancy.

NoCapes Fri 15-Jul-16 13:30:40

Oh Seymour that is exactly what I needed to hear
I heard so many times that any babies after 2 you don't notice and they slot right in, but I found going from 2-3 so so so so hard!! The youngest is 8 months and I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing!
The fact that you went on to have number 5 is reassuring and frightening too

Thankyou smile

SeymourButtz Fri 15-Jul-16 14:00:18

You're welcome. I had a lovely routine with 2, 3? Shot to pieces grin. Tbh my exact thoughts when I peed on the stick and got two lines with No 4 "well it can't be any fucking worse" Needless to say that phrase didn't make into her not even written in baby book

NoCapes Fri 15-Jul-16 14:58:23

Ha! I think my first thought was "oh ffs Capes will you ever learn?!" grin

Hassled Fri 15-Jul-16 15:02:23

My fourth was just a joy - a placid, easygoing baby who took everything in and always had company, always had someone around to keep him entertained. Mind you, he turned into an Evil Toddler from Hell, but that didn't last long. Honestly, it's fine - so much easier than 1 to 2, which was my most difficult adjustment.

NoCapes Fri 15-Jul-16 15:58:55

Oh Hassled I hope my DC4 is like yours
DC3 is erm a handful shall we say?

These positive stories are definitely helping thankyou grin
Any more for any more?

Suzietwo Fri 15-Jul-16 20:31:39

5 weeks into #4 so not much to add except #3 was a monster and this far #4 seems to be a dream! They were getting progressively worse babies so we were a bit worried!

Afreshstartplease Sat 16-Jul-16 07:31:11

Number 4 is due in October here, RE moving house we have swapped bedrooms around so dp and I will have smallest room and DC3+4 will have our old room

We currently rent and plan not to move until we are able to buy so this seemed best for us

I'm currently trying to declutter like mad as the house is very "full" and now has constant stream of baby things coming in to it! Trying to get stuff out faster than it comes in is tricky

sighbynight Sat 16-Jul-16 07:43:51

I had a surprise 4th. Shocked me to my core when I found out. Best thing I ever did. Slightly different circs, because I had had three babies in three years. I had a Mirena fitted after that, then got pregnant almost the second it was removed five years later. So a bit of an age gap. She was a demanding baby but was and is so adored. She's brought nothing but joy.

Re a bigger car. A second hand Volvo XC90 will do you forever.

NoCapes Sat 16-Jul-16 07:59:21

Thankyou for sharing happy experiences, I am slightly less panicked today smile

Afreshstart our smallest room is currently DD's and can't fit a full size single bed in! So room swaps aren't really an option, we did get a quote for a loft conversion but it was £40k, maybe we'll have to revisit our extending options
We will definitely need a ruthless declutter too!

<writes down the name of the car sigh suggested>

Afreshstartplease Sat 16-Jul-16 08:03:13

Ah I see op! Luckily our smallest room just fits a small double bed, small wardrobe and some drawers, there's very little walking space though, and you can't leave it messy or it's hopeless!

I am hopeful DC4 will slot in well and fall into routine with the older three. How old are your older three?

I think I will only return to work part time after this one as I already struggle to balance work and home life.

PlugUgly Sat 16-Jul-16 08:14:09

The big change was going from 2 to 3..... 3 to 4 seemed SO much easier strangely!

eeyore2 Sat 16-Jul-16 08:22:19

I went for number 3 and got twins. So four now. They are 8 months and we're settling down nicely now. I think it's important to try to get a break of possible (family / childcare) to keep your head straight. But the good thing is the kids get more independent and take some responsibility for each other which can only be a good Thing for them.

NoCapes Sat 16-Jul-16 08:44:22

Our older 3 are 7, 5 & 8 months
DS1 & DD are 19 months apart, and if my calculations are right DS2 and this baby will be 17 months apart, so seeing how close DS1 & DD are is giving me hope now and I'm actually quite happy that DS2 will have a little buddy too

Pug I found going from 2 to 3 ridiculously hard, yet everyone kept telling me after 2 you don't notice anymore so I was panicking about 4
I hope like you that DC4 is the one I don't notice

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere Sat 16-Jul-16 08:48:38

We have 4 and it's no harder with 4 than 3 ... Going from 2-3 was def harder! My youngest three are 4, 3 and 1.5 with only 10months between the 3 and 4yr old.

NoCapes Sat 16-Jul-16 08:52:34

10 months apart Imnot?! Are you mad?!
Seriously though that is exactly what I was hoping to hear, I hope it is true for me
Although tbh, it couldn't get any harder than it was having DS2 it really couldn't

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere Sat 16-Jul-16 13:10:35

Ha I'm sure I'm a little mad ... Seriously though - it's so worth it when < once in a blue moon > they all get along

mishmash1979 Sun 31-Jul-16 21:12:19

My surprise 4th arrived 12m after my much much longer for 3rd. I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant again but have to say he is the light in all our lives and makes us laugh and enjoy every day; he absolutely completed our family. 6 years later I feel so very very blessed for our wonderful accident.

Mothersruin75 Tue 02-Aug-16 19:49:16

My surprise DS is 20 months old he is 16 months younger than DD2&3 (twins). I was in total shock when I found out I was pregnant and spent the whole time worrying how I would cope. DS is a dream, my most laid back child, he balances out the family brilliantly. DD1 is 5 and a half years older than him and it's brilliant she's got a buddy as DTs are very close. It's all been fine until the past few months and I've found these tough, however it's nothing to do with having 4 more the stage the twins are at. They have been moved into big beds so hell to get to stay in bed, they egg each other on and keep each other awake at night, waking up early as the sun is up outside the window (bloody groclock totally ignored), potty training taking forever, tantrums due to tiredness and clinginess. I keep repeating this too shall pass and practically run into work some days, it keeps me sane.
I love having 4, especially as we thought we'd only be able to have 1 so do feel blessed and think once we've got over this blip it will better! Oh we have a Seat Alhambra -love it and can get a double and single buggy in the boot even when all the seats are up.

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere Tue 02-Aug-16 19:54:11

^ yes to the Alhambra! We have one too and it's the best!

Zippidydoodah Thu 11-Aug-16 18:40:32

Hi, no capes! Congratulations! How are you feeling now?

If you happen to have seen my thread, you'll know that I got a bfp today...number 4!! I told my dp tonight and he seems really bloody unhappy about it. How have your family reacted to the news?

NoCapes Fri 12-Aug-16 14:13:19

I didn't realise people were still posting on here apologies!
Thankyou for the car recommendations

Zippidy congratulations
I've only told DP so far, he is not happy and adamant we've got to have an abortion
Too scared to tell anyone else as I suspect everyone will say the same
It's shit
flowers for you
How are you feeling?

Afreshstartplease Sat 13-Aug-16 07:02:35

People can be so rude when you announce a pregnancy. I certainly found this when we announced both DC3+4. I've had people actually ask me why, how rude.

I hope both of your dps are coming around to the idea of four. Mine has been speaking of how we will ensure there will be no number five. To be honest right now that suits me fine! I can't imagine putting my body through another pregnancy.

Try not to worry about what other people think as its not really any of their business. As long as you are able to provide a stable healthy life for another baby their is no reason to feel bad about having one! The only person who should get a say really is your dp, but then he kind of has his say anyway when he opts not to take any precautions himself!

Baby #4 is due in 67 days and I can't wait to get my body back!

Zippidydoodah Sat 13-Aug-16 08:55:20

Nocapes- we sound very similar. I was feeling very positive yesterday but he came home from work miserable as sin.

flowers for you

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