I feel like I've come to the end of the road

[clearwaters]

I don't know what that looks like, what I'm meant to do now, numb myself with an addiction of choice and just settle down and put up with it.

I have such an unhappy marriage. I don't think life out of said marriage would look much happier. I'm hugely overweight, I have no job, no skills, nothing. I do have children. I feel I must be an embarrassment to them. I can't change although I want to. I'm disgusting.

It is all really getting to me. I'm having some very black thoughts about not wanting to be here.

[Cameron2012]

You are not alone, please start by picking up the phone, now, and making an appointment to talk to your doctor. Your children need you.

[clearwaters]

I tried but the receptionist wouldn't give me an appointment without a reason and I just couldn't say it. Ended up putting the phone down.

I doubt the GP can help anyway but with a receptionist like that I won't be able to get an appointment anyway!

[AnnetteCurtains]

Ring back
Just say it's private

[Rinkydinkypink]

The way you feel will change....because stuff changes. Nothing stays stagnant. I've been where you are op and I truly understand how horrificly uncomfortable it is. Please take to someone. I know it's hard and maybe you feel it's pointless but it's not. If you can't do it for you do it for your kids. Your their mum, regardless of how you might feel about this they would rather have you here. They will love you and doing what your suggesting will scar your children in a way that's unimaginable. Pick up the phone this morning for them op x

[Rinkydinkypink]

Say it's urgent but you can't talk about it! Please don't give up. Or call 111 and talk to them x

[Cameron2012]

Tell the receptionist it is a personal matter and you wish to discuss it with a doctor not a receptionist.
If you do not feel you can do that ask someone else to make the appointment for you.
Your life is precious, please please make the phonecall

[clearwaters]

I did Annette, my exact words were 'I'm sorry I don't feel I can go into it over the phone, it's of a sensitive nature.'

'Well we can't make you an appointment without a reason'

TBH it took a LOT for me to pick the phone up in the first place. There's no way I can do it again.

[N0tNowBernard]

The receptionists have to ask the reason so they can try and put you with a particular Dr if they specialise in a certain area. You are entitled to an appointment and have nothing to feel embarrassed about.

[clearwaters]

I know but I can't get one.

It's ok. Like I say I wasn't sure they could help anyways.

But it's like - people ask about 'well what support do you have' - well the doctor is normally one of those people and I don't even have that!

[Asmoto]

As Cameron said, phone back and say the appointment is private. Your GP will listen to you. When I visited my GP with anxiety and depression I was offered a referral to counselling and medication - it is worth a try, OP.

[Cameron2012]

When my life was bleak I spoke to the samaritans

[6demandingchildren]

You might be my twin. Xx
I felt exactly like you in November last year, I went to the doctor a few times but once there I made up something else as I just could not tell him, on the third visit I just handed him a letter I wrote he was amazing, I was out on some ad and I feel so much better and not numb like I thought the pills would make me feel. Ok I'm still very overweight but that is going to take time as my mental health is more important. I actually brush my hair and care about how I dress now.
Just take small steps but the first one is going to see your doctor xxxxx

[Tessticklesyourfancy]

OP. Please ring the doctors back, if the receptionist asks again, tell her youvve been suffering with terrible headaches for over a week. Please be fully open with the GP and get some help.

[clearwaters]

Thanks. Honestly I did say 'it's private' - well I said 'it's of a sensitive nature' but they won't give you an appointment.

I can't ring back now anyway.

Thanks.

[Cameron2012]

Ok, so park the doctors for today.
Please ring the Samaritans, they will just listen to you, they don't judge, you can tell them anything, your deepest darkest thoughts and fears.
Sometimes the first step to getting help is saying' I need help',
Get yourself a coffee and make the phone all xx

[Cameron2012]

*call

[clearwaters]

Thanks.

I'll be ok.

Just don't know what to do any more.

I feel like it's all going to keep going on. Going to keep getting fatter and uglier until I die. Going to keep on being hated by everyone.

No point

[Haudyerwheesht]

You can call back because you can do it for your kids sake. If they were ill would you call for them? Just think how they'd feel if they lost you and NO they wouldn't be better off without you. They would be distraught and confused and upset for the rest of their lives. If you can't call for you call for them - do it now and tell yourself that for 5 minutes you're going to be brave and forceful.

'Hello I need an appointment urgently today it's a mental health crisis'

[KarineAimee]

Forget the GP then. You need help, go to your nearest A&E and ask to speak to their Mental Health Practitioner. They have someone there to talk to people with dark thoughts.

Please get help, you matter. x

[Cameron2012]

OP,
6 complete strangers think your life has a point, that's why we answered your post
Your children think your life has a point.
Your family, friends, acquaintances think your life has a point.
You want things to change, you need help to start those changes, there is no shame in needing help.
The first step is always difficult and a bit scary.
Please pick up the phone

[Goingtobeawesome]

Could you write a note and give it to the receptionist. Say you've tried to ring and even though you said the reason was private and sensitive you weren't given an appointment. Say you are unwell and need to see a doctor asap.

You are worth it. Not just for your kids but for you. You're important.

Take care.

[colourfulll]

call the GP back, you might get another receptionist, just say back pain, then talk to the GP when in there.
There are definatly things that can help from the GP, i have had a lots of support from them for my issues.

[6demandingchildren]

It's very hard saying it loud that I have mental health problems, but the more you say it the easier it gets. If you had heart palpitations would you wait to see the GP? My guess is no, your health matters in every way and mental health is no different.
Please get help as you matter xxxx

[Cloud10]

Samaritans number is 116 123. They are lovely and will help you, call them! You don't even need to give any details, they'll just listen. You're not alone, and you are worth it! Your children love you and need you, do it for them if nothing else. You're going through a rough patch but life is up and down and things will improve, if you let yourself. We're all here for you too xx

[clearwaters]

Thanks. I'm ok. I'm not going to harm myself; I wouldn't know where to start anyway. It's more the thought things are just going to keep ticking over like this.