I'll try to be as brief as possible, although I could spend all day writing about what's gone on these past 7 months... I've posted before about my situation (which has worsened due to DH refusing to accept we need to make changes) but had name changed due to it being possibly identifying as we live in a small community.
DH has Aspergers (diagnosed as a child), anxiety and depression. He's just started counselling and CBT but has been off work for the last 4 months due to work related stress (not due to the nature of his job but being unable to cope with his colleagues and a couple of stressful situations he found himself in, and has been unable to go back since. Think breaking down at home, panic attacks, not sleeping, only getting outside briefly to walk dog, etc. He also phones me up in tears whilst I'm at work). Does very little at home as he tends to go on the computer to 'escape' and sleeps a lot during the day. Refuses to go to bed at sensible time as he has nightmares and stays up on the computer. Not on any medication, GP keeps saying his depression is circumstantial and it wouldn't help.
I'm working full time, doing the bulk of household tasks and trying to take care of the dog, am 26 weeks pregnant and struggling with round ligament pain and pain in my back/hips (which I have mentioned to midwife). I'm giving up work at the end of December to go on maternity leave.
We have a 6 month contract for our house which expires at the end of March and we have been told we definitely can't renew it (private landlord). This is 4 weeks after my due date. Due to living in a very rural isolated location we have tried and tried so hard (I have been searching, DH doesn't/isn't able to help) to find somewhere else but so far have had no luck. DH very resistant to change, thinks here's the best place to bring up children (he's not wrong, it's a beautiful place), won't entertain the idea of moving elsewhere. I've tried telling him and spelling out that we don't have a choice, but he keeps saying something will come up and the council will house us. I feel this is very presumptuous and don't want to take this risk. At 3/4 weeks old (if the baby is even on time) I won't be in a fit state to be packing up and moving house, and as of yet can't find anywhere local to move to. A place recently came up but we were turned down despite putting in the highest offer as it didn't accept pets. We have enough saved for a deposit on a house but no one will entertain giving us a mortgage as DH is on SSP (going back to work this month on phased return so will be back to normal soon) and I'll be on maternity pay soon.
The other issue is if we move, he'll have to find a new job, which will be a mammoth task in itself (he struggles with interviews due to Aspergers and anxiety and has very basic qualifications, I have to do his application forms for him and am struggling to do everything else already, etc). I could find a job in my field of work without too much trouble which would just about support us both, but no one would take me on heavily pregnant and giving up work soon anyway.
I'm just really looking for advice on what to do (well ok, I know what we need to do), really I'm just trying to convince DH what we need to do for the sake of both my sanity/health and our baby. I spend most nights lying awake worrying about our situation and feeling angry/anxious (about the situation, about the people making DH's life a misery at work, resentful about having to do the bulk of everything when I'm so tired and in pain) because DH just brushes everything off with the notion that 'everything will be fine in the end'. Sometimes I feel like he lives in the perfect world where everything gets sorted out for him, and I'm the one who bears the brunt of the situation because I'm the one who has to worry about it and sort it for us. How do I make DH see that things won't just fall into place, and he needs to help me make an action plan NOW, before this baby comes?
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Mental health
DH's MH, my pregnancy, our complicated situation...
44 replies
SnowInNovember · 08/11/2016 22:18
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