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A pat on the back thread for people struggling

(47 Posts)
notagiraffe Tue 09-Feb-16 09:25:29

I'm trying really hard not to go under while waiting for ADs to kick in. Here's a thread to make a note of what we have achieved day by day.

yesterday I spent nearly all day in bed just playing stupid internet games. But at least I:
went for a walk in the woods
washed and changed the bedlinen
applied online for two jobs locally
finally replied to a friend's email

Anyone want to join in?

MilleniumTalcum Tue 09-Feb-16 09:50:29


I'm not as poorly but trying very hard not to relapse (this time of year is always bad for some reason). This time last year I was narrowly avoiding a hospital admission and I was just a stay at home single parent. This year I'm a fully time student, travelling 45 mins each way to my lectures and then doing the dinner, bath time, bedtime slog and working on coursework in the evenings. And they cut my income support so I'm living off Tax Credits & CB (£80 a week) grin hmm I'll get some student finance help in September (they don't fund access courses which is what I'm on until Sep when I'm starting Uni "properlly") and my family are helping me pay bills until then but living off pretty much nothing once petrol etc is paid for is quite depressing in itself. So I'm trying to focuss on how well I'm handling it/doing well on the course rather than how shit life feels at the moment.

Well done on doing those small things. It can feel impossible. I'm awful at replying and getting out and about outside of obligations so it's always good to look at what you have done rather than what needs to be done. Less daunting IME brew

MilleniumTalcum Tue 09-Feb-16 09:54:15

I don't get on with ADs and only take beta blockers at the moment so I'm desperate not to have to go back to the GP. Faffing around with medication (when you've not found one that suits yet) seems to give me awful side effects. I end up feeling worse and groggier (and once or twice certain ADs have made me feel suddenly suicidal which surely defeats the object...) grin

They should magic up a one-pill-suits-all wink

notagiraffe Tue 09-Feb-16 12:00:30

Millenium you sound like you are doing brilliantly. Tough anyway at this time of year, but with all that added pressure and financial strain too. Hang in there, and well done.

I'm very frustrated at ADs right now. Fluoxetine just doesn't seem to be doing anything at all. Citalopram makes me happy but sleepy, sluggish and craving carbs. Sertraline knocked me out. Wish there was one that worked.

MilleniumTalcum Wed 10-Feb-16 08:50:59

Thanks smile

I has similar side effects with those. I took Mirtazapine last. Once the awful grogginess wore off (they have a sedative effect which is good as it helps with anxiety and sleep) they worked a treat but the weight gain and constant hunger was horrendous and outweighed excuse the pun the benefits.

DS is off school with a cold and I've got tonnes of work to do so I'm trying to do work whilst he watches crap. And breathe...grin

I know I should try more ADs but considering I seem to be easily set off by ones that aren't a good fit I'm pretty reluctant to try anymore, especially as I'm mid uni course and DSs sole carer.

Hope you find one that suits you flowers

notagiraffe Wed 10-Feb-16 17:10:51

Hmm well I've started feeling very sleepy and craving carbs over the past three days along with a very slight uplift in mood. I'm not convinced yet. If I'm going to have the rubbish side effects may as well go back on citalopram. At least I felt happy on it.
Completely understand you trying to cope without Millenium. I'm half way through a uni course too but have had to drop out in my final year as I was just doing nothing at all due to illness. Not sure I'll ever finish at this rate... sad

Anyhow. Yesterday I:
went for two walks
helped at the local food bank
taught for two hours (though I felt so fuzzy I couldn't prep the class I'd intended to teach and ended up using a fall back class I prepped years ago but it went down well, so was OK.)

Today I went to a café and did some self help CBT stuff in a notebook for an hour, which I tend to avoid.
Replied to some social invites saying yes.
Updated the empty house diary so family knows what's going on.(Just as well. Discovered DS has important hosp appointment tomorrow and just in time got OK from school for his absence.)
Bought a book and read it right through - nothing to do with my uni course but needed a break from the guilt of not studying
Am working for a couple of hours this evening so conserving energy for that. Pathetic really. I can't manage more than one or two hours a day.

What are other people up to?

Ikeatears Thu 11-Feb-16 21:02:09

I've really been struggling recently and I need to go back to gp to review my meds I think but Dh has been away since Tuesday and I still managed to:
Get the kids up and to school, fed them and put them to bed each night, go to work (phased return so reduced hours), Hoover the living room, have a bath and wash and straighten my hair!
Shaking like a leaf at the moment and feeling awful but I've managed and just have to keep going.

notagiraffe Thu 11-Feb-16 21:13:44

You've done brilliantly Ikea. I like that you straightened your hair. Sounds like a step towards taking care of yourself. And I really admire you for returning to work when you feel this way. I just can't, not properly. I do one, maybe two hours a day, all from home. So long as you are not forcing yourself in a way that will lead to relapse. Really hope you are on the mend.

Today I went for a long slow walk in the sunshine for 1 1/2 hours.
I did 1 hour of work for a client
Took DS to hospital appointment
Made home made chicken korma and cleaned up after it.

That's it.

Bop33 Tue 16-Feb-16 23:08:11

Hello ladies. First time posting here. I was diagnosed with GAD last year and have depression also. I find it such a struggle each day to do things that need to be done, especially as the onus is all on me as a single parent of one DD.

This is a great thread and I hope you don't mind me joking to keep myself in check. You all seem very motivated! I have had a bad few days so I have slept quite a lot. I feel a bit better today after getting my meds ( ran out at weekend and had none yesterday). Today I have managed to
- get to my doctors appointment in time
-do two washes that needed done badly
-cleaned my bathroom and kitchen
-had another sleep hmm
-showered, washed and straightened hair
Think that's about it. Really want to include exercise in my routine. I have very little energy, especially in the afternoons sad

Anyway we are all doing well, onwards and upwards flowersgrin

Haggisfish Tue 16-Feb-16 23:11:12

You're all doing really well!

Bop33 Tue 16-Feb-16 23:12:19

Thank you haggisfish flowers

notagiraffe Sat 20-Feb-16 10:32:09

Bop you are doing brilliantly. Cleaning the kitchen and the bathroom have been on my list for two weeks. I manage a quick surface wipe so they are not too vile but it really is time to do the tiles and scrub the floors. On the list again for today. But you've motivated me.

This week's been half term. So far this half term:

Had two days out visiting relatives
And one family day out
Took DS1 to a show
Took DS2 swimming
Done a total of three hours' work this week hmm but it's half term...

Today I'm hoping to:
Clean kitchen
Clean bathroom
Take DS2 swimming
Go to a friend's party

That feels like a lot. Exhausting just reading it, Might take DS swimming tomorrow instead.

notagiraffe Sat 20-Feb-16 12:58:01

Well I spent all morning cleaning the bathroom because it was grim. Looked like a student squat. I bleached the grouting where black mould had grown blush and washed all the tiles, de-limescaled the shower screens and scrubbed every inch of everywhere - behind the loo, under the cabinet. And DC, bless them, decided to do the vacuuming for me. Kitchen this afternoon, then long bath in sparkling bathroom before party tonight.

I am determined to start behaving as though I'm well. I've been in a fog for almost a year now. Do you think this new determination is a sign the ADs are working? <hopes>

notagiraffe Sun 21-Feb-16 12:39:24

Bop you inspired me. The kitchen is done now too. And I took DS swimming and went to the party for a short time.

Get DC ready for school tomorrow: uniforms, sports kit, bags
sort out laundry mountain
bags to charity - done
kitchen - done

notagiraffe Wed 24-Feb-16 08:40:28

Well I'm talking to myself here grin but will post again in the hope I can revive this thread.

Had a bad day yesterday. No energy and low mood. In bed most of the day. No shower. sad Drank a glass of wine even though I know it messes with meds.
But at least I:
Caught up with all my emails, including a difficult one I'd put off for two weeks.
Sent out invoices to clients who owe, so my bank account won't be so unhealthy and I can stop worrying about money temporarily.
Had a walk in the early morning sun with a friend.
Did two and a half hours' work that went very well.
Did a good deed for a stranger. (Won't say what as it's a bit odd and might out me.)

Haggisfish Fri 26-Feb-16 00:35:50

I typed long reply yesterday that got lost! Well done-you achieved a lot! I think you just have to accept the bad days and wallow in them. Keep going-days are getting longer, spring is nearly here.

f1fan2015 Fri 26-Feb-16 00:59:51

I never realised how hard it can be to do normal things when you are ill - either physical or mental illness. Now I know and am in awe that people can even make it out of bed.

Today I managed to put submit some claims for my medical costs (from September last year!) and pay my fine for not submitting my tax return on time.

Here is hoping for a good day for us all tomorrow

notagiraffe Fri 26-Feb-16 18:57:17

Ah Haggis, what a shame. What have you been up to?

Well done f1fan. It's that sort of task I find so hard when I'm ill.

Also had v difficult phone call I'd put off for months with PhD supervisor. Had a spell of bad days recently despite upping ADS but still managed yesterday to:
go for a walk
work for two hours
have a bath and wash hair

and today
able to force myself into London to see friend for coffee and look round an exhibition. Was so glad to see her.

f1fan2015 Sat 27-Feb-16 00:18:00

I managed to get showered today as well

I cleaned the bathroom and that is it for today

Next week I am hoping to start exercising - I will join you in mind on your walks smile

notagiraffe Sat 27-Feb-16 12:10:45

smile The walks are good. Not managing one every day but trying to.

Starting the day with a shower is always a good sign. Well done on the bathroom. I scrubbed ours so much last week it barely needs a swipe with a cloth. Think I must have taken a layer off! grin

Today so far:
up shower dressed.
Got DC to strip their beds and put a laundry load on with another sorted.
Sorted out one basket of clean laundry (2 still to go)
ironed DS's shirt
Made pack lunch for DC as they are out all day.

Got a cold so feeling very meh. But will finish laundry today and do a couple of hours' work.

f1fan2015 Sat 27-Feb-16 22:22:32

Today was a relaxing day as my partner is about. Up early with my DD and made some lego. Made lunch then out shopping. Tomorrow will be busier but also relaxing.

Hope the cold disappears quickly

Coopsey Sun 28-Feb-16 01:06:53

This is my first message so apologies if I go on.......I was recently diagnosed with OCD, also struggling with severe anxiety and physical health is in somewhat of a mess also.......appointment psychiatrist Thursday thank god.....I am in constant pain due to my physical health...take a mixture of meds including morphine....pain is still crippling me....spend most of my time in bed....also currently waiting to see a rheumatologist privately to be assessed for possibly fibromyalgia or ms.....pure exhaustion, pain, insomnia, mood swings, loss of appetite, loss of balance, poor eyesight....list is endless....can I go on living or should I say existing like this much longer...honestly the answer is no......what can I do? What am I able to do? What will happen to me? Worry, pain, lack of sleep, extreme loneliness.....endless days I am dreading......anyone have some advice please....

Broken1Girl Sun 28-Feb-16 01:48:39

flowers Coopsey. I have no advice, but wanted to acknowledge your post. I have physical health issues as well as mh too.
Just hang on in there till Thursday. Write down what you want the psych to know if it's easier.

Talulaley Sun 28-Feb-16 02:11:01

I'm struggling too .. I've been taking Sertraline for two years now, on quite a high dose at the moment, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I'm loathe to go to the gp, firstly because I moved before Christmas, my old gp was great, but at the new surgery they're not so great, don't seem to listen or care. Also I don't really want to take anything else; the side effects scare me, I'm already putting on weight because I eat junk when I feel down, I don't need antidepressants to make me pile on the weight too. I also can't stand that drugged up totally exhausted feeling you get with most - Sertraline doesn't affect me that way.

Physically I have a few issues too, it's all getting me down so much. I had a terrible year last year, my mum had treatment for cancer, I lost my dad, I separated from my husband. Now it's all catching up with me and I just keep crying over everything and nothing. I want to stay in bed all day and rarely get up before 2 pm. I try to force myself to walk my dog most days, otherwise I wouldn't go out at all.

All sorts of other stuff going on in my (fairly new) relationship, also I'm claiming ESA, as I can't imagine working at the moment - in my last job I suffered a nervous breakdown - but feel guilty for claiming the money and I'm stressing about the procedure, have to go to a work capability assessment soon.

Everything's just too difficult.

notagiraffe Sun 28-Feb-16 15:06:20

Hi Coopsey, Broken and Talula,
Thanks for joining in. Hang in there. Coopsey and Talula you sound like you have been through SO much recently. Hope things get easier for you both and that you can be proud of yourselves for the same achievements that male a difference, like sorting out that psych appointment or taking the dog for a regular walk.

Took DS swimming this am. He didn't feel great so we only did 14 lengths but better than nothing and it seems to brighten his mood (he has ASD and also takes after me in that he seems to feel down for no reason at times.)

Helped DH put up a chin up bar for DS.
Went to shops.

That's it so far. Need to put in a few hours work before a meeting tomorrow.

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