In a panic about seeing DR tommorow...

[Katkins1]

Hi

I'm posting because I don't want to bother any of my friends, and they are all fed up of me. I have been feeling low for a while: depressed, hearing voices, crying all of the time, not sleeping, seeing giant spiders, not knowing where I am or what I am doing, just talk and talk and don't even know what I am saying, can barely get my words out, really, really tired (whole body aching, especially my legs), I get actual cramps and then pains in my legs and sometimes just in my entire body and I have to stop what I am doing until the pain goes. I find it hard to sleep, wake up at 3am and other odd times, always cold and heaving sometimes. It's something that I can barely describe, really. Have been SH'ing and feeling suicidal for a long time. I have been put on Prozac (20mg) but I don't feel much better... just in pain all of the time. And some flashbacks, too. It's made worse because I was meant to sign on, and missed my signing so now I've got hardly anything to live on. I missed the signing because I had no idea what day it was. My friends have convinced me to go to the DR and get signed off sick now, and some proper treatment. But I don't know what to say to them and how to say it. I always pretend to be absolutely fine, but I can barely function most days. I'm so scared of going, I want to cry, just don't know how to explain it all or say any of this.

Sorry that has turned in to a huge essay, but I don't know what to do and what to say to them. I'm going tomorrow morning.

[MrsMaturin]

First of all have a . Second of all you don't need to work out how to say anything now because you've done it in this post. Print it out, give it the doctor and say 'help'. That's all you need to do.

[MrsMaturin]

Also reading your post again I would ask them to do a full physical MOT as well. It sounds like you feel it's mostly your mental health you need support for but there are physical issues which could be causing or worsening your symptoms and it would be good to get that checked. Things like - are you anaemic? Is your body fighting off infection? What's your thyroid doing? - would all be worth getting checked and I'm sure the GP will suggest that but if they don't then take this post too and point to it.

[Katkins1]

Thanks. I keep wondering if I am really ill, or if I'm just making it all up. I've just graduated with a first, and am doing some freelance work (was signing until I get paid). Surely I should be OK? I don't even know if that is illness.

[MrsMaturin]

Hearing voices, seeing spiders, not sleeping, exhaustion, pain are all symptoms of illness. What you don't know I suppose is what the root of the illness is. You don't feel 'normal' for you so you are more than justified in seeking help.
Congratulations of your degree result. Were you under a lot of pressure leading up to finals?

[Katkins1]

Cross posted sorry! All of the physical stuff started after my Gradfather died in January. I was, yes. I had PTSD before that too.

[MrsMaturin]

Ok so these are all things that you can tell the doctor. You've combined a major bereavement with one of the most stressful times in an adult's life AND you had previous stress to manage. It makes perfect sense that you are now struggling. They can help you and you will get past this.

[Katkins1]

I don't know if it helps to know I'm a lone parent too! One DD, 6.

[Katkins1]

And thank you. I feel as though I am going crazy. I just don't know what to do for the best.

[MrsMaturin]

You're NOT going crazy. You've a lot to deal with - parenting and finishing a degree and working and grieving plus the past situations. You need a bit of help that's all. You've tried Prozac and it's not helping so you are going to get different help. There are I think a lot of different aspects to how you're feeling and these will need different things to alleviate them. You can't get it all fixed tomorrow but that's the start of evaluating what's going on and what could help.

[Katkins1]

Thank you. I've been on it for a couple of weeks, but I can barely do anything. Still in so much pain, and suicidal. Just want to curl up in a ball and sleep, really. I didn't expect to get so ill so quickly, it's horrible. And I just don't know what to do for the best.

[MrsMaturin]

You are already doing the best thing. You've said you feel ill and your friends have encouraged you to get some professional assistance and you're doing that. You're making better progress with this than you think. Let me know how you get on tomorrow.

[Katkins1]

Thanks
I've never experienced anything like this before.I just don't know what it is, my friend is actually a cliniacian and has been trying to persuade me to get help for a long time. As have others.

[theywillgrowup]

hi,i dont know your medical history but by what you describe you sound very unwell and you do need to see your GP asap

i was very much like you in many ways and couldnt continue like this anymore (single mum 3dc's) anyway did eventually go to GP and had the biggest meltdown ever,he jumped into action (i think i scared him abit) and got me a emergency psyc appointment (my first)

go to your GP im sure he will be able to see that things are not going well for you,maybe like me your just crumble and then the gp gets to see the struggle your having,it saved me that day and things have improved,diagnosis,new meds etc

it took 14ys to get a diagnosis,but that was also my fault as i always put on an act but as the years passed and major life events happened i noticed my episodes got more frequent and lasted longer,i just couldnt go on,i dont know if you feel similar but please seek help

mental health an be so cruel and isolating but can be managed with the right help

wish you all the help and support possible

[theywillgrowup]

sorry just to add i was diagnosed with Bipolar

[theywillgrowup]

sorry im taking over your thread

regarding your JSA,i was on it the day i had the meltdown,doctor signed me unfit to seek work and went straight on to ESA,sorted my money in 2weeks and after 8 wks have just heard that i dont need an attos medical and im straight on to the support group,the best possible outcome you could have

sign of and make a telephone claim for ESA is straight forward and made such a difference not having to sign on etc

you money will be the same to start and will go up if they find you unfit to work

you sound like you should be on ESA and not JSA,you are unwell and your doctor should agree with a claim for ESA

[Katkins1]

That's useful to know. Do you mind if I ask a bit about what was going on with you? It's OK if you don't want to say, I just feel so alone. I don't see "real" spiders, but giant ones that I know don't exist. And cockroaches, larger than life. But I know they aren't real. Ans the voices. Just one, I know he isn't real. I think I just made him up, a figment of my imagination if you see what I mean. It's not like I hear him talking in my ears. I don't know if that makes sense.

[theywillgrowup]

my mental health problems really started in my teens,was put on ad's in my late teens (prozac,sertraline) i always dipped in and out of depression and was also OCD,im now in my early forties and have spent most of my life unhappy,unpredictable,manic etc

but i hid it pretty well and am classed as high functioning,so found i could hide my problems ok for most of the time

like i said 3yrs ago had some real trauma and after that the episodes got much worse resulting in major depression,suicidal thoughts about me and the kids etc

im so glad now i saw the gp who took it seriously and referred me

are you still planning on going to your gp?

have you a history of MH ?

[theywillgrowup]

soy took so long to post back friend was round

i really hope you go to the GP tomorrow,nothing gained and all that

if you can and want to let us know how you get on for you op

[Jollyphonics]

Just print out your post and give it to the GP, then he/she will ask the questions after that, and you just need to answer them honestly. you sound quite ill to me, so I hope you get the help you need.

[Katkins1]

Hi thanks for all of the replies. I went earlier, just got back. Told her about the voices, thoughts of self-harm etc. She asked what the voices said, where I saw the spiders, if I felt like harming myself and so on. She has made a referral to a physiatrist, said come back in 2 weeks, and signed me off for 6.

[theywillgrowup]

great news,well done for seeking help,now sort your esa claim

how do you feel now youve seen the gp?

[Katkins1]

I am looking now at what I need for the ESA, will ring them in a bit. A little better. She signed me off with a 'stress related problem' and I guess the physiatrist will make a proper assessment. I feel OK, I guess. I keep saying that I'm not ill, but I think it's obvious now and that I need to accept it and try to move forward. The voice is quite vicious though.

[theywillgrowup]

well done you,in the last 24hrs you have achieved alot

if you feel yourself getting worse go back to the gp,they may be able to get you an emergency MH appointment

my phyciatrist gave me my diagnosis took about 2hrs and decided drugs to go on

[Katkins1]

Thanks. She did say to go back if I feel worse. I'm going to sort my ESA at the minute, jobseekers haven't made my hardship payment yet so I'm living off my tiny overdraft at the minute. Do you know how long they usually take? I've got so much unpaid.

I think getting a diagnosis (or even appointment) will take a while.

[Katkins1]

Oh, and to answer a previous question- I do have a history of MH issues, but not like this. I've got a long history of years of sexual abuse (really serious) when I was little, and a lot of violence and neglect. I'm struggling to pick up the phone for ESA now, and I need to hoover- and get the laundry out.