Seeing things when you're already taking anti-psychotics.

[MyLeftButt]

Last week I was feeling really upbeat and positive and feeling great about stuff, but I'd stopped being able to get to sleep.

This week I still can't sleep, keep getting mild anxiety attacks, am making myself sick 2-3 times a day, which is something I only ever do when I am close to losing it, and I keep seeing things that aren't there. Sometimes its stuff out of the corner of my eye and other times it will be something like seeing a spider run acrosss the floor, but my DH can't see it.

The thing is that I really don't know how to handle this now. I can't take more time off work. I don't want to end up back under the crisis team as I want to move forward not backwards. I also shouldn't be seeing stuff as I'm on a lot of meds that should stop that. I really don't know if I should tell my care coordinator as I don't see what she can do.

Has anyone else been in this position? What on earth did you do?

[FrothyOM]

Seeing the MH team won't be a step back if you need them. Recognising when you are becoming unwell is a crucial part of managing your illlness - it's a positive thing because you know to get it treated.

Have you had bad experiences with the crisis team? Is that why you're reluctant to see them?

There are many drugs they can prescribe. Hopefully, if they can get you on the right drug/dose, you won't need to miss much work.

[NimpyWindowMash]

I have not been in this situation, but I work in mental health, and I have heard the anti-psychotics can, in some cases actually increase hallucinations, even though other symptoms improve. It would probably be best to discuss it with your care coordinator. They would probably know best how your medication works and what the side effects are.

[MyLeftButt]

I had a good experience with the crisis team, but I've only recently been discharged to the complex care team.

Its just so frustrating as I've been moving forward right up until I started back at work. I'm on a lot of meds and they should be stopping all of this. I really don't know how to handle it now. Strangely, it was easier to ask for help when I was suicidal. Now I'm not, its like I don't want to bother any one, but seeing stuff really isn't a good sign.

[MyLeftButt]

Thats reassuring Nimpy. I'm on the APs for the hallucinations I had when I was severely depressed and on mood stabilisers to stop me getting manic or depressed again.

I just really don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it in RL as I've made such a big thing about getting better and I hate being needy.

[Besom]

The best thing you can do for yourself is to discuss it with them now, as Frothy said it is crucial to managing your own health. (I both work in mental health and have had issues of my own).

[NimpyWindowMash]

There is no shame in getting help and talking over the issues you are having, and it's not being needy. You deserve to get yourself whatever assistance you need. It doesn't mean you're not getting better. I agree that seeking help or advice appropriately is a positive sign.

[MyLeftButt]

I have an appointment already booked in for next week, so I'll leave it till then so long as it doesn't get worse.

I know it shouldn't, but I do feel like they'll think I'm attention seeking if I tell them. I don't want to be that kind of person IYSWIM.

[Besom]

I find it incredibly hard to ask for support. My self image is that I am the strong person who give support to others. (Which is no less true it turns out even though I sometimes need some help myself).

If you begin to know when you need some input from those who are there to support you, it is definitely a sign that you are getting better.

[Besom]

Believe me you do not sound like an attention seeker.

That's me speaking as a mental health professional.

[MyLeftButt]

Thank you all. It's good to get a bit of outside perspective when you're not sure of what's going on in your own head. It's appreciated.

[FrothyOM]

I've has an episode recently and worried they might think I was attention seeking.

I also start hallucinating if I don't get enough sleep. It has taken ages to find the right drugs, but part of that was a crap psychiatrist.

[flakecake]

Hello!

Well, have you looked into the spiritual aspect of things? In Islam what you are describing are bad entities called Jihn. Humans usually perceive them as spiders. It is just something to consider, as I myself have had a so called 'mental health' problem for 7 years, which turned out to be nothing to do with mental health at all. You can try playing Qu'ran, which you can get on CD; play continuously for 3 days; clean the home and burn white sage. This is just a suggestion. :)

[Pumpster]

Definitely have a chat with a professional, it might just be a blip or you might need extra support or med review.

[Whisky4Tea]

With all due respect Flake, I think you should limit giving spiritual advice for when it is asked for.

OP: I think that not telling your care coordinator would be a bad plan. She needs to keep a not of how you are doing; really doing, not how you would like to be doing. Plus, I think you need to face up to the fact that you are not doing as well as your thought. It seems to me that by not telling her you are trying to prevent it being "real" in the hope that if you ignore it will go away. Sadly, this has not been my experience of mental illness issues.

[Upwardandonward]

Do touch base with someone professional, you don't want this to get worse. Good luck.

[TheSilverPussycat]

Not sleeping can trigger psychosis - although I call it dreaming while awake as that's what it feels like when it has happened to me. My psych stressed I should seek help if I found I couldn't sleep. And yes, this is just sensible managing of your condition.

[MyLeftButt]

Thanks again everyone.

Looking at it, there is a link between how I am doing and sleep, as things have certainly got worse since I stopped being able to get to sleep. I just don't feel tired, my brain isn't switching off and things get worse during the evenings.

I will definitely be talking to my care coordinator when I see her this week and ask for help, particularly with the bulimia as I really hate that side of things, but know it is definitely a defective coping strategy for handling stress and this illness.

I am stressing a bit as I can't let this get in the way of work again. I need to find a way of being able to do my job, without it triggering anxiety, stress and hallucinations. I hope its not too much to ask.

flakecake - I am as spiritual as a house brick.

[chipmonkey]

flame, I believe in spiritual things as well but given that the OP has already been diagnosed with a psychotic illness and that generally in this life, spirits don't show themselves, it's probably best to assume that this is an hallucination.
MyLeft you have had some good advice here and I am no expert in Mental Healthy but never, ever be afraid to contact a HCP about any symptom, mental or physical. Most of us would far prefer to have someone contact us early about a problem, rather than wait till it gets worse.

[MyLeftButt]

I really do need to speak to my CC this week as its just getting worse and worse as the days go by. Its so fecking frustrating.

Last night I couldn't get to sleep at all and was getting into a negative thought cycle which is one of the things that I need to learn to break with self management. This morning, I really struggled to get myself up and out of bed.

My memory is shot. I can't remember whether I had a shower this morning or not. I can't remember whether I locked the door and I can't remember when I parked my bike.

I'm sat in work reading an email from my manager outlining a meeting we had yesterday that I barely remember, I have a meeting this afternoon which I have no idea how I am going to get through in one piece. My thoughts are still negative and keep going back to self harm and suicide, although to be clear there is no chance of me acting on those thoughts, they are just part of the negatice cycle.

Stupid, stupid, stupid fucking illness. I need to be working to pay the bills, but how the feck am I meant to do it when I have no idea whether the fly I can see buzzing around my desk is real?

[chipmonkey]

MyLeft, that sounds very frustrating. Is there any way you can take time off work?

[raininginbaltimore]

Call your care team. I have a thread about seeing things, triggered by lack of sleep.

Don't be so hard on yourself x

[MyLeftButt]

Sadly not, chipmonkey. I've only just started back after 7 months off sick, including an inpatient stay and I have no more sick pay left. Next week I'm meant to be back 4 days a week. God knows how I am going to do it if I'm still like this. I was doing OK until I went back. I did suspect that I wasn't well enough, but not being able to pay your mortgage is a pretty big incentive.

I was meant to see my care coordinator today, but she cancelled as she is off work. I messaged her to say that I needed to see someone this week and outlined what is going on. I now see her on Friday. Phew. Fortunately there's a support group on Wednesdays so I got some support there instead.

They need to do something to help me, but I am unsure what. My next psych appointment isn't until the end of Oct and I'm already on the max dose of both of my meds.

I just feel like I'm going backwards after making so much progress. I couldn't concentrate at work yesterday and by the end of the meeting I was in I could barely string a full sentence together. I just need to find a way to keep on working without it making me relapse.

[chipmonkey]

Might it be that they could change to different meds? I know someone who had an awful time of it until they got her meds right. But since they got them right, she has done really well and you would forget that she once was very ill.
I do hope they get it right for you soon. Hang in there!

[wonderingsoul]

i hope things have improved and you managed to talk to the right people.

i just wanted to say how brave and strong you are , gives me hope that theres hope and strenth to get through it.