arsing hell, I need to call my EDT. I think I have put on weight, DH is adamant that I have lost it.

[OracleInaCoracle]

I am anorexic, I have struggled for years and lose weight very, very quickly.

over the last few weeks I have felt like I am gaining weight. I take painkillers for a skeletal disorder and have to eat with them. I feel heavy and bloated and panicky.

I mentioned to DH that I was gaining weight, and he looked at me in horror. apparently I have lost a lot of weight, something he has put down to my condition/being ill.

I just need a rant, I'm tired and fed up of this.

[SecretNutellaFix]

Oracle- you have worked very hard to overcome your ED and you still are.

The heaviness you could be feeling could be because of the pain you are in- I know when I have injured myself the limb does feel heavy and unresponsive for a few days until it heals and those are short term. Please keep eating, your body can't help to get healthier if you don't give it enough nutrients to work with.

[OracleInaCoracle]

I could be. my painkillers are codeine based, so I feel bloated etc because I am slightly constipated. plus, I am having to snack during the day so that I can take them.

I can just feel myself spiralling. I see my GP next week to discuss pain relief, so I will ask her advice then.

[madmouse]

Constipation can physically make you feel heavy. You are doing so well battling it. Can you get help sooner if you need it?

[OracleInaCoracle]

I can. when I was discharged by my EDT a year ago he said that if I needed help just to call (I lose weight very VERY quickly, have lost 1/2st in less than a week before now) and he will rush me through. I feel chubby. I feel fat. I feel sluggish and heavy.

but then, I look at my face and I can see that I look quite gaunt. and DH says that I have lost quite a bit. its so hard to explain, and its really quite scary. i was considering a "normal" diet for our holiday, ffs!

[SecretNutellaFix]

Give your therapist a call- they can help you much better than we can, although there's always an open ear for you.

Hold on to the idea of eating a "normal" diet- it will give you energy. If you aren't consuming enough to keep you going you will feel sluggish and fuzzy.

[OracleInaCoracle]

by normal diet I mean watching calorie intake. see, this is how weird my eating becomes. anything over one meal a day becomes excessive.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Can you call today/tomorrow? I might reassure you to talk to someone sooner than next week.

The fact you've talked to your DH and you're talking here seems like it must be a good thing - it must be really hard and frightening to be unsure if you can trust your perceptions of your own body. I think you are very brave for facing up to a possible problem early on.

Good luck.

[OracleInaCoracle]

thank yo, i had something similar a while back. picked up a dress that I knew would fit me, took it into the changing room and it was huge. it was a size 16, I am an 8. I just dont know what is normal. I keep it under control for the most part and manage a "normal" weight, but every now and then it all flies out of control and I start falling. I am very candid about my ED's and make jokes about it frequently, but it is really scary. I will call them tomorrow and just see where the land lies. losing weight now would be terrible for my bones (in the midst of a v long, painful flare up)

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

It sounds incredibly scary.

Is there anything you'd like people to do? If it helps to be distracted or anything?

[SecretNutellaFix]

You trust your DH which is great- but please make sure you speak to your gp and EDT.

[OracleInaCoracle]

LRD, I don't know. I feel really lonely. I feel like such a freak. And I feel so bad for dh. He has to watch this happening.

SNF, I will call tomorrow. I made it through xmas, not too bad. But I am v aware that we are going on holiday soon, that means exposing more skin.

[OracleInaCoracle]

LRD, I don't know. I feel really lonely. I feel like such a freak. And I feel so bad for dh. He has to watch this happening.

SNF, I will call tomorrow. I made it through xmas, not too bad. But I am v aware that we are going on holiday soon, that means exposing more skin.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

You are not a freak! You are describing something that is difficult and you're explaining very clearly why you feel the way you do.

It sounds like it is tough on your DH too, but it is not your fault and it sounds as if he knows the deal. You need to worry about yourself.

[SecretNutellaFix]

You are far from being a freak, my lovely woman.

[NanaNina]

Can only endorse what others are saying. I think one of the problems is that most people don't understand anorexia and think it is just to do with food, which of course is totally wrong. I'm sure you know you are suffering from a mental illness, which usually has it's roots in needing to be able to control something in your life. People just think "oh well why doesn't she just eat" and are not prepared to look beneath the surface.

My gr/dghtr suffers from this illness too and sometime it is worse than others. Anorexia as I'm sure you know is very addictive and so is hard to break the pattern, and some people experience it to a greater or lesser extent through their lives, but it is possible to overcome the illness, so never say never. I think you do need to call your EDT (is that Eating Disorder Therapist) if so it sounds a good thing to be able to access. Do you mind my asking if that is a private therapist or available through NHS.

No you are no freak, well no freakier than the rest of the human race, who suffer from all sorts of freaky things! I always maintain that we are all screwed up to a greater or lesser degree, and some hide it more than others!

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

Oh Oracle {{hugs}} I really do empathise with the feeling of loneliness, but you're not a freak, not for this, really you're not.

Its a horrible disorder to have to deal with as there's just no getting away from it. Always here if you want to talk, but I agree that calling your EDT is the best thing to do tomorrow.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

Oracle it's really good that you have recognised it early on though.

You are so not a freak.

Big hugs from me too. xx

[OracleInaCoracle]

thanks all, I went on my first diet at 6 and at my worst was hospitalised at a dangerously low weight (around 4st) and on the verge of multiple organ failure. since then Ive had several spirals that have got out of control but keep it under control ok (not well, but ok) problem is, I am addicted to it now. I wont get better, I know that, the anorexic mindset is too entrenched, its been almost 30 years. But, I know the signs. Im just shocked that i've missed it so spectacularly!

[NanaNina]

There was a debate about anorexia on Woman's Hour last week and a Dr in the debate said that it is very addictive and some people suffer for many years and some had what he called SEED (Severe and enduring eating disorder) but he said to never give up because he had experience of a woman of 74 who had finally conquered this illness.

[OracleInaCoracle]

hmmm, I just find that hard to believe. how would he know that she had conquered it? I am adept at hiding my state of mind/food/weight loss now. and to look at me you wouldnt know. I am not severely underweight, yet, I have the mindset of an anorexic. because I was so young it was learnt along with reading and writing.

sorry, I dont mean to be rude and I hope your DGD gets better soon.

[NanaNina]

No I didn't think you were being rude at all. I don't honestly know how this GP knew the 74 year old woman had conquered it - it was just something I heard on the car radio. I think it must mean something like so many years when the person is eating normally and has managed to overcome the addiction.

I am not overly optimistic about my DGD to be honest. I think she too has the mindset of an anorexic and I try not to ask her too much. In her clothes she looks a lot like other skinny young girls, but just caught sight of her in the bedrom with her top off and was shocked at how thin she was. Trouble is she lives 200 miles away so we don't see her that often, but I follow her on FB and she seems to be enjoying life with lots of friends, so I take comfort from that.

[OracleInaCoracle]

ok, have been to see my GP today and I am back on prozac, she saw "it" straight away. I have lost quite a bit of weight though

[SecretNutellaFix]

More than a stone?

[OracleInaCoracle]

Half a stone in less than a month

[OracleInaCoracle]

Dropped 2 dress sizes though.