In response to someone writing a letter saying ADs don't work a lady has written saying that if depression is caused by early life dysfunction, then tablets won't help.

[TheOriginalFAB]

This is me plus as the ADs have helped I think I have regular depression as well. Therapy doesn't help as I have tried it for a long time. I feel like there is no hope so I have to learnt to live like this or????

[FriggingFedUp]

Tablets can help to numb your mind so you can try to work on the 'core' problems IMO. They did not help me though, they made me feel much worse and I think that was to do with my fear of taking them.

All depression comes down to the way we view the world, our own perspective of it and mots importantly the way we view ourselves, which is determined by our early life experiences IMO. If you have been 'taught' that the world is unsafe, horrible, sad etc, and that YOU are stupid, bad, worthless etc, then that is how you will percieve it and yourself. You can only change this by making a CONSCIOUS decision to do so. I am trying to do just that without AD's and it is bloody hard and the habitual ways of thinking are so hard to break but I will get there!

Positive affirmations, daily deep relaxation techniques and, most of all, questioning those automatic negative thoughts that come into your mind and changing them to positive ones, all hep a lot.

[TheOriginalFAB]

I have done pretty well to get where I am but tbh if I didn't have the children I think I would have either killed myself or done some really stupid stuff. The AD's help me on a day to day basis but the underlining battles I have will never go and that scares me as I can't face another day feeling like this never mind the rest of my life tbh.

[FriggingFedUp]

I know FAB. I quite often feel like you do and find it hard in the evening knowing that I will probably have the same neurotic thoughts, depressing images and panicky feelings the next day. I WANT TO BE CURED FFS! BUT I am slowing coming round to thinking that if I can replace one negative thought with a positive one, I have achieved something big.

Something like: thought another shit day to look forward to tomorrow, drudgery, DCS arguing, not getting any time for myself and probably raining, TO thought I shall have a good day tomorrow, perhaps I won't being doing what I want to do but I will make the best of it and laugh at much as possible with the DCs.

Baby, baby steps.

[TheOriginalFAB]

Right now I don't even know how I am going to get through the rest of the day.

[FriggingFedUp]

You will. The same as you've gotten through all the days before this x

[TheOriginalFAB]

But I have had enough tbh. I am only living for other people.

[madmouse]

FAB my dh's severe and repetitive depression was caused by early life issues as well as whole of childhood issues really. Two years ago he finally started a low dose of anti-depressants. It was enough to give him the strength to take on pretty in depth psychotherapy and he is doing so well now. I never thought i would see him this well. So no matter what this 'lady' says we're all different and there is hope x

[TheOriginalFAB]

I am still in the same place I was 3 years ago so I see no way of ever getting past it.

[FriggingFedUp]

I know where you are coming from. I have fleeting thoughts of 'checking out' but won't because I could never leave DH and the DCs with the pain of that. it makes me feel guilty even thinking about it! I need to be here for them but also FOR ME. I want to live a happy life my myself as well. I bloody well deserve it as do YOU. I truly believe that is why we are here. Life is NOT supposed to be miserable. I know it is 'available' but I have to work for it! It is bloody hard and sometimes I want to spit in the faces of those it comes naturally to!!

Try to visualise a time that you felt truly happy (everyone has one even if fleetingly or even if it was years ago): straight after the birth of your DCs, on your wedding day, first kiss, a night out, holiday abroad, great sex with a current or past lover. Hold that thought, feel that warm glow spread through your body. Smile to yourself and repeat often!

Deep relaxation or meditation is so important for this. I used to think it was hippy tosh but tried it out of desperation. It really works but you have to keep it up. My library had CDs, maybe yours has too. You have to 'rewire' yourself and retrain your brain to be feel better. It will not just happen on it's own.

Really need to take my own advice !

[TheOriginalFAB]

I have been texting a friend all day and telling her how I feel. I keep repeating the same patterns and that worries me. I am scared of everything. I want to run away. I am looking to someone else to make everything okay. Wrong, I know.

[madmouse]

FAB have you specifically worked on attachment issues with an appropriate counsellor? I had an insecure attachment and that caused adult issues as well and they're mostly behind me now.

[TheOriginalFAB]

I had counsellikng last year and actually talked to her about this stuff. I know why I am doing what I am doing, I know why I am looking to this person to make everything okay but it is hurting me and I am still doing it.

[talkingnonsense]

I'm sorry you are feeling awful. I think ads have really helped me, but I think my depression is genetic- dad and aunt depressed, sister and cousin post natal depression, grandfather gambler also probably mental health issues, etc.

[TheOriginalFAB]

That sounds tough, tn .

[ladydynamo]

FAB I feel just like you, don't know how to get through each day and keep thinking I'm better off not here. Just woke up totally exhausted feeling sick with anxiety again and have long weekend alone with 9mo ds stretching ahead of me. I have decided to take one hour or half hour at a time today. I want to do one nice thing with my son and then break down all my other tasks to make them a bit more achievable. I don't feel like getting in the shower let alone leaving the house. I want to run away too, but I know my mother damaged me and I have to fight this to stop me doing the same with ds.

What are you doing today? Do you want to make a plan with me so we can both get through it?

[TheOriginalFAB]

DH has taken the children out for the day so I can have a rest and a break.

My plan is to pick up my meds, by a memory box so I don't forget to take them again and then go and sit somewhere and read my book. I might do a bit of shopping and by something nice for dinner.

If you are near me I will buy you a cake. We don't have to talk if you don't fancy it .

[ladydynamo]

Aww thanks fab, I'm prob nowhere near you tho. That sounds like my kind of day. I have just taken my ds swimming which was hard but worth it as it took up time and made him happy. He is having a nap now and I've just had lunch and am reading a magazine in my chaotic house which needs cleaned and ignoring a long list of tasks I have to do.

A good book is great when your mind is racing or full of negativity (mine is permanently) as it focuses your thoughts.

I am starting new meds next week so fingers crossed. Enjoy your day x

[TheOriginalFAB]

I have decided not to do any chores today. Wish DD would stop talking.

Had a lovely afternoon reading. Ready for a nice evening with DH once the kids go to bed.

[supercal]

This is my first foray into the Mental Health section



I am debating whether to go to my GP and ask for antidepressants

I had crap parents. Emotionally and physically abusive. Really cruel. I had a fantastic life material wise, and a good education, which I am thankful for. But emotionally I was very neglected.

I have had a lot of frigging therapy and while it really helped, I still feel crap

I have been diagnosed in the past with depression, I guess.

It's really bad when I have PMS. So much so that once, when premenstrual, I took an overdose of paracetomol. Not enough to kill me by any stretch, not enough to have my stomach pumped, but still more than I should of. It was attention-seeking to get my DH's attention.

My GP prescribed me ADs for 9mths once and while adjusting to them was dire, I had terrible rages, once on them I felt quite sorted! I actually lost weight! I got things done! I stopped biting my nails! But then I came off them, as was only going to be a short term thing and i wanted to try to conceive, and about 8 years on, and LOADS of therapy later, I'm not sure if I've ever felt as sorted as then

Which is fucking depressing for me, as I am intellectually opposed to ADs

So I really, really relate to you FAB

[racingmind]

I have been on various types of medication for chronic anxiety/depression on and off for about 15 years and I now believe I will probably be on something for life and no longer reallyhave a problem with that.

There are no other illnesses where people seem to debate being medicated so much. I believe that, especially with anxiety, there is a physical reaction triggered by negative/ frightening thoughts and the cycle needs to be stopped in its tracks at some point, so if that means taking a tablet so be it. I have tried years of talking therapies but my anxiety goes so deep into my childhood it has left a physical imprint on my body that talking alone doesn't seem to shift.

Supercal you sound like you have similarities to me in terms of childhood and things I have also tried to get better besides medication. I am not being funny, but if you read your post back, you are basically saying that you are opposed to and debating whether to take the one treatment that ever seems to have really worked for you. Whilst I totally respect your point of view, with me it has gone past that kind of dilemma, I just need to be better than I am now and I will try anything.

I hope you can make a decision you are comfortable with. Please don't feel bad about going down the medication route though- if it helps it helps x

[TheOriginalFAB]

racing is right. People who have things wrong with them take medication. People who have depression often think they can get well without drugs, think they can snap out of it, etc etc. I was so incensed by someone on the tv saying they refused to take meds and woud snap themselves out of it, just perpetuates the myth that it is a choice illness and something you can chose to have or not.

Depression is chemical inbalance in the brain and needs meds to sort it out. Childhood experiences can make you depressed and while the drugs might not cure them, it can help you live with it.

I have such major issues that I will never be able to come off the AD's and I have accepted it now as there is a good chance I would do something stupid if I came off the drugs.

[orangeflutie]

I agree TheOriginalFAB there are still people out there who think depression is a choice. It's nonsense as no-one wants to be depressed. It's hell. Life is too short to be miserable. My life is also very stressful and without the ADs had begun to make me very ill. I have tried to make some changes but can't change everything overnight. Without the ADs I wouldn't have the motivation either.

I've found it's all easier to deal with on a day to day basis. I say to myself that I'm on ADs and they work for now. Who knows what will happen in the future anyway?

[supercal]

racingmind - I like your name and I like your post

It's not that simple unfortunately as me being opposed to ADs - fact is, I haven't been offered them for years, and medical opinion in the past has been that I didn't need them (or was a borderline case). So if I wanted them, I'd actively have to go and ask for them.

I have not thought them a good idea - for me - in the past, no, but am wondering (rather than debating) exactly what you said - that maybe they are the one that worked for me. Obv it is more complicated than that, because I have been a lot happier than I am right now, and talking therapies def did work for me to a great extent. But ...

It would probably be polite for me to start my own thread about this rather than hijacking someone's else's. So I will go and do that, and certainly hope you will come on it, rm.

[Kallista]

To Supercal, & anyone else, please don't ever overdose on paracetamol - most people don't know good or bad their normal liver function is normally so any amount of tablets over the recommended 8 in 24hrs can be too much. Whether your intention is to seek attention, to self-harm, or to actually kill yourself - you will often feel fine for a few days after an overdose which is why paracetamol is so dangerous. Your liver can start to fail but you may not realise until it is too late to be saved.
So you must ALWAYS call an ambulance straight after an overdose & tell them how many pills you have taken. The doctors will assess you & start treatment to save your liver straight away if necessary.
Even if you are suicidal you should still call an ambulance because death takes a while & you will have a lot of time to regret your actions. So get medical treatment asap which may hopefully save you. Liver failure is a horrible way to die - I have seen it at work.
Re: Anti-Ds - I suffered from depression for since my teens but managed without anti-ds until I had a very bad episode of depression. They did honestly save my life. My psychiatrist wants me to stay on them long-term & I can say that it's the right thing for me - I still get depressed & suicidal but not all day every day like I was; and I can function & socialise. A lot of people inc my family think anti-ds are 'happy pills' but they aren't - they are there to pick you up 'off the bottom' so you can start to live life again & try therapy.

[supercal]

Kallista - thank you . It was a long time ago when I took a paracetamol overdose, and my DH did take me straight to the hospital where they observed me for a little, but decided I didn't need my stomach pumped. I have never and will never do anything like that again. I have children now, for one thing.

I have my own thread that I started after joining this one, but I went to my GP yesterday and got a prescription for Citalopram, which I took for the first time last night. Feel relieved.