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A bit of a long one - not sure what to do - I don't seem to be getting better :(

(38 Posts)
OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 10:49:52

I will try and keep this brief! Basically I'm looking for advice. Also have namechanged for this!

So here is the situation:

1. When I was pg with DC2 I got anxiety, quite bad, I was referred to mental health team and had some CBT. The anxiety surrounds going outside - I get paranoid that people want to hurt the children, although I know that these thoughts are irrational
2. So I had that treatment (outpatient, through peri-natal team, they didn't seem too concerned IYSWIM) and after DC2 I slowly recovered (ie was able to leave the house) but I continued having the thoughts and occasional panic attacks
3. Also feeling very low a lot of the time although this seems linked to the children - when I am not with them I feel "normal" more or less, but when I am with them I feel this anxiety and terror and paranoia which is just really pissing me off. Although I think I hide it well (DCs have only ever seen one panic attack and DH seems to think they haven't noticed). This is all about me really - the kids seem fine. I do wonder if I am also a bit depressed (don't want to do anything that I don't have to, very little joy in anything, don't look forward to anything). Bizarrely though I went off by myself to do an exam the other day and had a really good time confused.
4. Last night got set off by the story about the man who ran over the child and stopped around the corner to check whether his car was damaged and couldn't sleep and all the rest of it. Awful thoughts - I'm sure anyone reading this board will know the sort of thing I mean
5. I'm sick of it.

So I guess it looks like I'm OK when I'm not with the DCs that is a bit odd in itself and as such don't know whether it is "proper" illness as it seems to be reactive IYSWIM.

Anyway I guess the answer is to go to the GP BUT I'm scared to as I'm scared they will report me to SS. This is because I always drank quite a lot through my life (not when pg though) and after DC2 I started drinking a lot (in the evenings when DH was here and he doesn't really drink), looking back it was self-medicating as I was feeling so bad (all the stuff upthread). Anyway I decided to stop and on advice from MN went to see GP and ask for support with it, they referred me onto an agency, and the agency without ever having met me referred me to SS. (They got the wrong end of the stick and thought I was drinking when I had sole charge of the children, which was incorrect). Anyway that led to the most stressful time of my life when we had a visit from SS and they took about 3 months to tell us what the result was (no further action) but it was just so so awful. SS said I had to tell the GP and the nursery to expect a call which I did and then SS never called them - so the GP knows about the referral. For this reason I am concerned that if I go along with this anxiety/depression they will look at my notes and refer again "to be on the safe side". I really really don't want that.

So I don't know what my options are. I have tried everything I can think of. I have read self help books, I had the CBT, I have tried courses and hobbies, breathing, relaxation, talking to DH the whole time, everything I can think of. I'm at a dead end now, and I'm still stuck with this anxiety and feeling no joy in life, most of the time.

What should I do?

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 11:00:49

Sorry that was a bit long!

Should say that this has been going on for nearly 3 years now.

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 11:27:52

Oh go on someone read it it's not that bad!

Maybe skip every other paragraph grin

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 11:59:52

Pretty please?!!

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 12:28:35

Well I know no-ones listening smile but just in case anyone does decide to read, I decided to call the doc but they told me I have to call back tomorrow morning as they don't have any appointments.

Feel really upset now it took a lot of screwing up of nerves to make the call and they were so offhand I don't think I can bring myself to do it all again tomorrow.

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 14:31:31

Final bump.... Really don't know what to do.

I am so tired of feeling miserable all the time.

mummylin2495 Tue 21-Jun-11 14:55:04

No advice for you really,only to explain to your doc exactly what you are feeling.Good luck.

mummylin2495 Tue 21-Jun-11 14:56:21

Please do summon up the energy to phone doc again tomorrow.

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 15:01:38

Oh hello mummlylin I had given up! Thank you for replying.

I have actually made an appt for later today (DH got me to call them back) but I am really worried that they will report me to SS. I don't know what to say to them really. I want to get it sorted but I don't want to bring trouble for us in teh form of the massive stress a visit from SS causes.

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 15:02:38

I just want to get myself sorted out but without any hassle for the family IYSWIM

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 15:07:35

Although I understand that you may well have answered my thread kindly so as it didn't go unanswered so apologies for grasping onto your posts and asking you a billion questions! Sorry about that.

mummylin2495 Tue 21-Jun-11 15:14:51

I dont know all your circumstances with ss but surely if you are seeking help from your doc there isnt much they would want to get involved in.Just because you get more stressed when they are around ,and who dosent ! thats no reason to say they are at any risk or you are an unfit mum. You just go along to your doctor,tell him how unhappy you are and that you need some help.Hopefully you will get the help that you need.Glad you managed to get your apt for today.If you think you may forget to tell your doc stuff ,start writing it down now before you go, to remind yourself what you want to say

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 16:54:10

Thanks for posting again mummylin. Appt is an a bit. I am feeling a little more cheerful having got the children from nursery (fresh air I guess) but still I think the ups and downs and most of all the anxiety need looking at so I am going to go and see what they say. And pray they don't refer me to SS to "be on the safe side" as I don't know how I'd cope if they did that.

PainteditRed Tue 21-Jun-11 18:53:25

Maybe you need to not see SS as the bad guys, if you are refered it is generally for a reason and they can potentially help you in the long term.

Is the drink not an issue anymore?

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 19:45:11

painted I gave up drinking 2 years ago.

The reason I was referred last time was for no sensible reason, and it was a total nightmare. The agency who referred me admitted that they had misunderstood the situation and made a mistake, and even called SS to try and retract the referral but they said once they had it they had to follow up. It was simply awful.

However fortunately this doctor seemed to be interested in my problem and has prescribed me some anti-depressants called paroxetine so hopefully that will help. She seemed confident that they would. I have never had any problems of this sort prior to my pregnancies, and have never been on anti-depressants before, so have no idea what to expect. Fingers crossed that they perk me up a bit and help with the anxiety...

Thank you everyone for posting I was so worried.

mummylin2495 Tue 21-Jun-11 20:59:28

I am glad to see that you have been put on medication,hopefully you will soon perk up,i expect it may take a couple of days to kick in so dont get down hearted when they dont straight away make you feel a bit happier.

OrangeHat Tue 21-Jun-11 21:31:27

Thanks mummylin I will get the prescription filled tomorrow, she said they take about 3 weeks to start working and i have to go back in two weeks to check all is OK.

Am feeling very hopeful that this will improve things for me!!

Thanks so much for responding smile

mummylin2495 Tue 21-Jun-11 22:41:26

i will look forward to a pst in a couple of weeks or so saying how much better you are feeling ,good luck and stay positive smile

OrangeHat Wed 22-Jun-11 10:39:44

smile

mummylin2495 Wed 22-Jun-11 17:00:09

hope you are having a better day today and that you are feeling relief that you have been to doc for help.

OrangeHat Wed 22-Jun-11 19:28:09

Thanks mummylin, I did feel quite proud of myself for biting the bullet and going yesterday, silly as that is.

I feel like I feel better today already, but I'm sure that's placebo/psychosomatic or whatever! Given they said it would be 3 weeks!

mummylin2495 Wed 22-Jun-11 20:05:22

You may be feeling better because you feel relieved that you have seen the doc.that is a big step to make as you were so worried about it.Good for you,and tomorrow may be even better .

OrangeHat Fri 24-Jun-11 11:22:03

I do think it was a bit of a "high" that I'd actually done it! The last two days I have been feeling back to usual ie OK but low. I really really hope that in 2 or 3 weeks time I'll be a changed woman! I have to much to feel happy about, and none of it seems to get through at the moment.

OrangeHat Fri 24-Jun-11 11:22:39

*so much - not to much.

mummylin2495 Fri 24-Jun-11 12:00:44

Things will improve but everything goes at its own pace.You will not have an instant overnight cure ,but slowly you will start to feel happier.hang on in there

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