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just pulled my child from school please i need support!!!!

(77 Posts)
muma3 Thu 19-Jan-06 10:59:04

just took my daughter out of school , she is a very emotional child and has put up with bullying for 4 years now. i am not happy with the schools way of dealing with the matter of bullies and it has left her very withdrawn . i have been to the school and spoke to the head several times . my daughter has has her arm broken and her clothes pulled down in the playground just to name a few incidents. i have contacted the local ewo and led and informed them what i have decided. i put my desicion in writing and gave it to the head when i saw her yesterday . she was'nt happy to put it mildly because she was very quick to point out that it makes her look bad . she has recently been off sick due to having an operation and even went to the extent of saying i sgould of phoned her like i have her ward number ??????
any way i just want to hear from any other parents who have had rouble with bullying and any parents that teach there children a home?
please help . my HV and ewo have been supportive as have family and other mums and the school

FrenchGirl Thu 19-Jan-06 11:04:52

muma3, I have to go out now so this is a quick post, sorry
I don't have experience of bullying, but it sounds like you did the right thing. We pulled our dd out of school last July as we weren't happy with the way it was run, etc.... So I teach her at home this year (she's going to a new school next September). Home Ed can be wonderful, and I'm sure it will benefit your dd. You need to look for local HE groups asap and register with Education Otherwise. Do you normally stay at home and do you have other children?
Good luck to both of you, sorry this is short but am in a rush! Will have a look at your thread later. This is the first step to make your dd happy and safe again, well done!

homemama Thu 19-Jan-06 11:05:19

I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say that if it was that bad that she was being affected both emotionally and physically then you have done the right thing. She is safe now.
What I would say is for you to explore all the options before deciding to home-ed. This may well be the best decision for you both but perhaps explore other options such as a different school too. Also, if after long discussions, something serious can be done about the problems at the current school, don't rule out a return there either.
Good luck and try to relax, you've done the difficult part.

Meanoldmummy Thu 19-Jan-06 11:06:20

I can't offer advice as my children are much younger - but wanted to say I think you are doing the right thing - don't it blackmailed by the Head. If she feels it makes her look bad, then she needs to address the problems in a more appropriate manner so that it doesn't happen again in her school! Her personal problems are not yours to take into account. Keep putting your little girl first!! As someone who was bullied mercilessly I know how important it is that she has a loving mum who makes her feel special and important. I hope you get the support you both need and deserve

Aloha Thu 19-Jan-06 11:06:29

A broken arm!! I hope you called the police.
Good for you. Are you going to educate her at home or find another school for her?

KBear Thu 19-Jan-06 11:19:38

You've done the right thing definitely. Good luck with the future - I have no experience as my kids are still very young but I couldn't read this and not offer my moral support. Your DD is lucky to have a mum like you to protect her.

muma3 Thu 19-Jan-06 11:31:39

at home for a while . she is going to go to a family center for a few sessions of councilling untill she gets a bit of confidence back. im so glad that i have had positive feed back, i need all the support that i can get at the moment . the school is very intimidating. i went to the school this morning to take my dd2 and stopped in at dd1 class. i asked her if there was anything that she could be doing at home today and she informed me that she wasnt allowed to tell me anything as the authorities are involved . i feel like i have a big sign above my head saying terrible woman !!!
i never knew this would be an easy decision but i havent got any support , noone seems to see why i have done this and as a result i feel like we both are being punished.
i still am waiting for the ewo to send me a info pack about home-ed, even for the meantime then review it in a while when she gets a bit happier with things

swedishmum Thu 19-Jan-06 11:33:51

Well done. You've done the right thing and your daughter will wake up happier tomorrow. Even if you decide not to teach her at home there's a very supportive message board through the EO website - you don't need to be a member. The thing she'll need now is time to relax after her horrible experience. You too. Good luck to you both.

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 19-Jan-06 11:49:06

I have no advice but will bump for you

muma3 Thu 19-Jan-06 11:50:21


stephanie21 Thu 19-Jan-06 12:01:52

my dd was bullied at school at the end of last term/beginning of this term.the little sh*t that bullied her,is older than her.he tried pushing her down 3 flights of concrete stairs,got her in acorner and kept punching her in her stomach,then he got her against the wall,held her there by a chair and kept ramming it into her,and if she was walking passed him,he would punch her.she came home with a black eye,bruises to her stomach and started wetting the bed.we went to the school after the first incident.the head said he would 'deal' with it.the bullying continued.i took both my dd and ds at that school,out of school.the ewo came to see me.said she would go to the school.dd and ds went back after i was reassured it wouldnt happen again.but it did.again i took them out of school.ewo rang me and said she didnt know the bully had special needs.(so having special needs must give them the right to bully!!my eldest ds has special needs and he got suspended for just hugging other children!)we got the police involved (thought it was ott but then thought that if i were to do to the headmaster the things that bully was doing to my dd,he'd ring police!)also got in touch with parent governors and chairman of the gov's,and the local has been totally useless,and i also have been looking into home tuition.only thing is dont want dd and ds to feel as though its their faults for being taken out of school.i think you have done the right thing by taking them out of school though muma3.

muma3 Thu 19-Jan-06 12:12:19

that is terrible im so sorry for all that has happened to your darling children (hugs)
one child that has been bullying my dd1 has special needs and when he broke my daughters arm ( stuck foot out to trip her up ) the school head didnt know a thing about it untill we turned up at the school with her arm in a cast , "oh what has happened to you ?" the head then went on to say she would be sending a letter home with the child for his parents to read . his mother has a drug addiction and is on the verge of having her child taken off her so i dont really think that it was the best action to be taken ?
my school is useless too and i am really worried what the next step holds tbh , its all very daunting but i do keep saying to myself that i will do anything for my chidren and i dont care who gets peed off in the process . let her lose her job ( the head ) she should of took me serious then it wouldnt of come to this .
i wrefuse to put my child back in there care when things like this have happened to her

daisy1999 Thu 19-Jan-06 12:18:54

no advice or experience (thank goodness) but just wanted to say you sound like a great mum. You're dd deserves better than that school and I think you've done the right thing.

stephanie21 Thu 19-Jan-06 12:24:10

i wrote a v nice letter to the head.i stated in it that he has the care of duty for all the children at that school and if he can't see what is happening under his nose,then he is not in the right parents we put our trust in these teachers,we expect them to care appropriately for our children.not to have our children hurt whilst in there care.if our children were to incure these type of injuries at home,we'd have socail services banging on the door.but yet when it happens at school,the bully gets a 'dont do it again' and is left to do it again!

magicfarawaytree Thu 19-Jan-06 12:37:19

I think you did the right thing - I understand that bullies need to be given an opportunity to mend their ways. However, what about the victims whilst the bullies are given time to mend their ways. Many bullies are not that bothered by school punishements I would imagine. So what is the head is off sick isnt that why they have a deputy. Prehaps explain taking your child out of school as a reward to her for being so brave. You are going to find her a nice school to go to. Perhaps the new school could nominate a child or couple of children to look after her whilst she settles in, to help reassure your daugher that all schools are not the same. my dau

muma3 Thu 19-Jan-06 12:39:22

that is so true its scary i feel excatly the same . my daughter has come home from school black and blue - i was told that a certain little boy was very fond of her and that the teacher said she had told him to stay away from her omg

she has had her trousers and knickers pulled down in the playground- i confronted the teacher the next day and she didnt know anything about it as the dinner ladies hadnt told anyone !!!omg

same little boy last june tripped her up and she broke her arm - went in next day to show her cast and let them know what hossie said and the head was shocked to see her with a cast and asked "what have you done"

this is what my point is , she doesnt even kow what is happening in her own school then whats the point ?????
my daughter has lost all trust in them to care and look after her and so have i !!!

muma3 Thu 19-Jan-06 12:41:46

oh i have been to se her about incidents aswell its not like i havent made an effort to go to the hread and sort things out . putting there names on the board does nothing!!!

Nightynight Thu 19-Jan-06 12:43:27

muma3, what a horrid situation. Don't let anyone make you feel in the wrong, you have put up with this situation for long enough, now you have taken the best decision you can for your dd.

My children are being taught at home at the moment for different reasons, it is a temporary situation, and they have said they want to go back to school asap, but they understand the reasons for being taught at home.

Hope your dd has a better exerience in future.

stephanie21 Thu 19-Jan-06 12:45:39

is your head related to mine!!!he is exactly the same.i asked him what would he do if it was his child being bullied.his response was 'well its not'!!what sort of attitude is that!the same little shit that bullied my dd,strangled a little boy.his neck was black.the head said he would have a word with the child.the boys dad (boy who got strangled) stopped the boys mother in the street.he said 'if your kid ever touches mine again,i'll break his f-ing legs,then i'll break yours'.bit extreme,but as the school wouldnt do anything,he felt he had no choice.the bullies mother didnt even know what had been going at school!!

muma3 Thu 19-Jan-06 12:51:50

they just dont have the time to deal with these things . well i have and wont let my daughter be fobbed off with "ill sort it " because they arent .
i am and thats that

stephanie21 Thu 19-Jan-06 12:58:21

stick to your guns.dont take any shit from them.your dd's health,safety,and wellbeing are more important.why send our kids to a place to be tormented and hurt,when they can be taught at home and you know they are safe.

muma3 Thu 19-Jan-06 13:02:12

thanks (((((( big hugs )))))))

everyone else welcome to join convo ! ? !

beasmum Thu 19-Jan-06 13:08:43

muma3, everyone has said it all really but just wanted to add my heartfelt support, you have done exactly the right thing.

Just wanted to say don't hover about waiting for a home ed pack from anybody before you feel you can get on with your lives - I believe that the legalities are that you can educate your child in whatever way you see fit without having to follow a formal curriculum or keep to set hours. So I'd do things your way and relax, while obviously chasing up the Local Authority to give you the info!

emily05 Thu 19-Jan-06 13:10:08

I cant believe what you and your poor dd have been through! Too right it makes the head look bad - because she is!!! They have sour grapes because this does reflect on them - and too right. It is appalling. I would do the same in your situation. Are there any other schools near by - that after your dd has built up her confidence she could go to? Perhaps in September?

Really feel for you - dont feel that you have done anything wrong - you are totally correct. x

Rhubarb Thu 19-Jan-06 13:11:59

OMG this sounds awful! There are lots of mums who post on here who home ed so hopefully you'll get advice there. If you Google it, I know there is a group somewhere that helps families who home ed by pooling together. So if there is an English teacher among them, she'll teach a group of kids their English, and in return a dad might teach them all history, etc. In this way the parents are getting involved and the children are still in a social setting.

I think you did right, you have put up with it for far too long. Agree she needs counselling and be gentle with her, it might take a while for her confidence to be ok again. Bet she's relieved not to have to be in that situation any longer!

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