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I cannot do this anymore

(64 Posts)
madnessitellyou Wed 29-Apr-20 17:36:45

Don’t know why I’m posting.

Work ft, as does dh. Two dc. Eldest dc’s school have set loads of work; youngest’s hasn’t and what they have set requires huge amounts of help to login/set up/help with the laptop etc.

My job is very demanding and I’m in meetings all day every day (my manager is doing nothing to address this - I have been quite direct in asking for help). I cannot do any school work with dc2 - I don’t even have time for lunch let alone source material - and dc1 has been in a foul mood all day.

I have had enough of this. I’m a crap parent and a crap employee.

OP’s posts: |
HandfulOfFlowers Wed 29-Apr-20 17:40:54

It is not you that is crap, it's the situation. It is impossible to be parent, teacher and worker all at the same time.

OnTheMoors Wed 29-Apr-20 17:41:54

flowers you are doing the best you can in very difficult circumstances. E mail the school (s) and explain you are working and cannot divide yourself into many parts.
The kids will catch up on their work. Many families are in the same situation. Focus on your well-being and do what is manageable

GrimDamnFanjo Wed 29-Apr-20 17:43:08

You are in a really tough situation. Can you take any leave to help you get yourself back together?

Noooblerooble Wed 29-Apr-20 17:45:48

It sounds as if you've been doing a brilliant job and I hereby give you official permission to stop. Leave the schoolwork. Even if just for a week. Lots and lots of kids can't keep up. Your boss sounds like a prick. Again lots of people can't keep up with their work right now. Do what it takes so you can do work to the best of your abilities. If that means the children watching tv all day, so be it. This is temporary.

Prontoe Wed 29-Apr-20 17:46:09

Well I went to the post office an hour ago to post a parcel to my eldest. So, the post office that normally has 2 people ahead of you in the queue, had a line of about 30 people if not more to queue in. FFS. Is everyone suddenly posting shit or something? I abandoned the queue after 10 minutes when I had only moved 2 steps forwards.
I'm so fucking sick of this shit I want to get this cunting virus and have done with it. I can't cope anymore. It's fucking ridiculous and doing my head in. I can't cope and I'm not even washing my hands anymore. I can not cope with being so fucking scared every time I leave the house. I just can't do it anymore! Simple as that!

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup Wed 29-Apr-20 17:47:24

You are not a crap parent or a crap employee.

I was in a role that was mostly meetings with a lot remote meetings. It got to the point that if I had 3 back to back meetings I would message someone I got on with before the end of meeting 1 who would be in my next meeting to tell them I would be 5 minutes late so I could go to the toilet. I then started to put time in my calendar every other day for lunch.

In regards to home schooling only 30% of state secondary school students are doing school work. While 50% of private school students are doing work.

Oh and how old is your second DC?

Whatnametomorrow10 Wed 29-Apr-20 17:49:21

I completely understand. I usually work part time hours but currently doing over the hours as feeling guilty if I helped my child during the day.
My 10 year old has taken full advantage of Disney + today and ignored the maths as apparently I had to be sat right next to her as she didn’t understand. She did understand but if I’m not there she disappears. Harder today as I had mainly Video call meetings which I can’t really do with her in the room sad

Like you feeling a little like a failure as a parent and employee for the house ignoring ironing/washing/hoovering etc as not likely to get any visitors!! I have a husband who has an equally stressful job sad it’s hard

LittleMissCantBeWrong2 Wed 29-Apr-20 17:52:36

I’m in the exact same situation as you OP. I’m nearing the end of my rope too. I’m sorry that I have no advice. I feel very depressed about it all.

DetroitTheTourist Wed 29-Apr-20 17:56:25

It is so hard, but it's none of us that's shit. Our governments were shit letting it take hold, the virus is shit, the world is shit. We are all just doing the best we can in a shit situation. Forget homeschooling, early summer vacation. The kids need you not to go under. Look after yourself!

SoftBlocks Wed 29-Apr-20 17:59:27

You are not crap. You are in a very demanding situation. Sorry I can’t be more helpful but just wanted to say you’re not crap.

Enough4me Wed 29-Apr-20 18:05:46

I'm going to join you and say I feel crap too, I need to clone myself at least once to function properly with DC and work due to Covid19.

You did not choose to be a home-school mum, nor a work from home mum, you did not set up a situation where your DC are bored with reduced access to education, their friends and days out with groups of family and friends. I tell myself this when I get the "I've had a F***ing enough of this" feelings, but honestly I am with you...I still feel crap!

Queentea67 Wed 29-Apr-20 18:08:08

Could you maybe take some leave?

HannaYeah Wed 29-Apr-20 18:11:04

It’s their ridiculous expectations at work that are crap.

Give yourself a break!

I’m in a similar situation and cannot keep up and I don’t even have children!

Sometimes I think you have to fail a bit for people to realize it’s not reasonable.

Will they notice if you’re not fully engaged on the calls?

What happens if you don’t turn up for one at all?

PeterPomegranate Wed 29-Apr-20 18:11:16

You aren’t crap. Until last week we were in the same situation. This week I’ve been furloughed and I’m still failing to get my primary aged children to do even a minimal amount of work. So I’ve had to face the fact it wasn’t even my job that was stopping me. It was me, or them, or just the fact that this is bloody hard. I’ve been feeling really low about it too.

Take care xx

hettie Wed 29-Apr-20 18:18:13

What is your DH doing. We are working in shifts re zoom meeting times...DH tries to schedule from 8.00 am until 1 pm, I'm 1 until 6. The other times we are working downstairs with kids, so more interrupted as we are also supervising home learning. Obviously we can flex/swap if we have a meeting that needs to be not in our time....
Why is this all falling on you?

Weallhavevalidopinions Wed 29-Apr-20 18:19:47

Ask for a couple of weeks holiday?

Reduce the amount of school work.

Have some of the school work done when partner home from work so he/she can help? Or let them watch some tv during meetings and some of the school work in the evenings.

You are NOT a bad partner. You are doing your best during a tough time for lots of people. Don't be hard on yourself

alwayswantchocolate Wed 29-Apr-20 18:33:46

I feel exactly the same. I've screwed something up at work today as i just can't concentrate. My DH is on the phone all day so can't look after our DC (who are boys aged 9 and 11), so it all falls on me but I am also WFH full time with loads of work on. The boys play up, mess about, fight, etc., and they need support with the work they've been set.

Today, we have achieved very little. I am also a crap parent and a crap employee. I feel your pain. I don't know what the answer is, either.

Covert19 Wed 29-Apr-20 18:37:16

You are not alone, OP. I think everyone is finding this hard. You have to let something slide, for the sake of your own sanity.

For me it's not the work or the kids or the household, it's having zero time alone - I can't handle the lack of quiet time and space to myself that I usually get in the daytime.

I completely lost it yesterday and ended up just leaving the house and going for a drive. Then I sat in the car in a lay-by crying for two hours. I feel like I'm going slowly mad.

(NB children were safe as husband was there and knew that I had gone out)

Bakedbrie Wed 29-Apr-20 18:38:17

What is your job OP? Can you say?

Brownyblonde Wed 29-Apr-20 18:39:20

I feel for you. My kids school have been fantastic and have more or less told us not to bother too much with school work and it's more important the kids are safe healthy and happy. They've still put up resources but have said it's voluntary. Is your kids work absolutely compulsory? If not I'd give yourself a break and let them do as they please in the house whilst you have to work. Even if it means way too much screen time and eating mostly crap. It's not forever so won't damage them in the long run. Nobody would be able to do as you're doing and not be totally and utterly burnt out. You're not crap one iota. Oh and do something just for you tonight. Bath alone?

fuckinghellthisshit Wed 29-Apr-20 18:40:11

I'm the same. Feel utterly desperate

MsMeNz Wed 29-Apr-20 18:47:30

I'm in the same boat too. I have three I'm primary school and so much work set each half a dozen log ins and having to upload stuff print stuff etc while juggling a challenging job from home.

While they do pe at 9 assuming they dare not breathe on each I quickly catch up on emails etc and print out what tasks can be done then set up order I will help them. And we aim for just good enough. If teacher gives feedback.for improvements I don't act on it. And if swear each day a different kid has melt down over the work being set.

It's not so bad not working so I'm trying to use the odd half day of leave once a week for a breather.

There has been.more than on occasion I've had to tell my kids off mid meeting 🙄 or worse still they asking for my attention mid presentation and I'm trying to ignore them but then get lost mid sentence 😣

PaulHollywoodsSexGut Wed 29-Apr-20 19:03:55

I feel for you OP, I have a FT role as well and it’s PILING ON right now but my three children are pre school hence no teaching.

Several people I work with including myself have just blocked swathes of diary out. I will log on and do the occasional 8-9pm admin hour but I need 2/3 hours between 0800 and 1700 and I’ll share the diary entry with my LM. Two days ago I started saying a hard no to any meeting starting after 4 as that is the time of the day my kids go fucking apeshit and the stress of hearing that and trying to screen share excel spreadsheets is hideous.

I’m an interim so was very worried about doing this as I know how expendable I am but I’m lucky to have mostly understanding bosses. Some of my colleagues are pricks about my availability but being frank they’re without children.

The only way your manager can “get” the direct statements you’ve made to her about this juggle is by sharing diary blocks with her and rejecting meetings. It’s the only way they learn.

Healthyandhappy Wed 29-Apr-20 19:05:41

I'm same love. You do it after work I'll be doing some work with 5 yr old soon you also need get up at 6am and start their work which is what I'm.doing

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