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and ANOTHER one of my friends is pregnant, bringing the total up to everyone I have ever met in my entire life except for me.

(82 Posts)
YulenoYurbubson Tue 14-Dec-10 07:24:26

Gahhhh.

I am genuinely pleased for her. For all of them.

But I want to be pregnant toooooooooooooo.

YulenoYurbubson Tue 14-Dec-10 11:55:56

Okay, well maybe not everyone I have ever met in my entire life. But I do feel at the moment that everyone I know is pregnant. The only 3 of my friends who aren't pregnant already have children and have climbed back onto the career ladder and are doing fantastically well at work.

Meanwhile I am at home, unsuccessful, unpregnant and eating dorritos from a family sized bag.

For ages it has been me and F - the only ones not pregnant, and both hoping to be. Now F told me this morning she is too. I am thrilled for her. But now I don't even have anyone to drink vodka and commiserate with.

<selfish>

<eats more dorritos>

KnackeredCow Tue 14-Dec-10 12:14:45

I feel for you. You're not alone. I am in the same situation too.

<KC passes Yuleno a very large double vodka>

YulenoYurbubson Tue 14-Dec-10 12:25:20

You feel such a git for not being unconditionally happy for everyone, eh?

Househunter Tue 14-Dec-10 12:28:48

Poor you. I used to feel like this. I'd been trying for ages, then friends tried for one month and got pregnant straight away. This kept happening! But it was my turn eventually, so hopefully it will be yours soon.

Wanderlust101 Tue 14-Dec-10 12:37:41

Hey Yuleno. I could have written that post myself! Last week three of my mates announced their pregnancies, including the only other two who have been having difficulties like me. I feel like the last one left without baby or bump...and it's not a good feeling. I manage to keep a brave face on in front of them but sob when alone with my DH and feel like the worst and most selfish person in the world. I've since talked to other friends about it who reassure me that my feelings are absolutely normal - so try not to be too hard on yourself either!

Pretty much losing hope right now, even though the fertilty clinic says that taking up to two years can be 'normal' (TTC #1 for 15 months, no diagnosis, seems like there may be a few less than ideal factors that stack up rather than any one thing). How long have you been at it?

KnackeredCow Tue 14-Dec-10 12:47:43

It's really tough.

I left my job back in May as I traveeled a lot, but our head office where I had to be 40% of the time was 225 miles from where I live. We can't relocate cos DH is training as a GP and is on a 3-year training contract with a local PCT (they're not easily transferable) and as I had a middle managment level marketing job I thought I could find something locally quite easily and then that would mean we could SWI more frequently. 7 months later I am still unemployed. Have got through to final round three times for interviews, but as the secotr that I work in doesn't operate where we live I haven't had appropriate experience. Every time I've been pipped to the post by somebody (who's already got a job) who has done that job before. Employers are so conservative. At one interview I was the highest scoring candidate at final interview, but then they awarded points for having previously worked in that sector. After being turned down three times at final interview my confidence is at an all time low.

All friends have great jobs and babies or are pregnant. I have no career, we've got two mortgages (when DH and I got married I moved into his but we've been unable to sell my house). Another sale fell through last week as buyer's mortgage company withdrew offer. And I am STILL NOT pregnant.

I feel absolutely useless. GP has diagnosed me with depression but is reluctant to treat and put stress on my medical notes as fertility services where I live don't treat if you are currently being treated for depression. I feel so trapped and miserable. Also have 2 high-flying SIL with 2 children each who can't understand why I can't get a job and FIL who thinks I am lazy. Have worked all my life. HAd part-time job whilst doing A-levels and worked every university holiday and had part-time job in second year of uni. Didn't even have a break after graduating but went straight into work.

I cry most days and feel completely envious of most of my friends. Two are undergoing fertility treatment so I do feel for them.

Feel awful and selfish for finding it so hard to be over the moon that my friends are all pregnant. sad

Sorry for mega whinge but your post really struck a chord.

<pours large gin>

KnackeredCow Tue 14-Dec-10 12:49:47

Wanderlust sorry x post

YulenoYurbubson Tue 14-Dec-10 13:00:31

Oh. Large vodkas all round.

And I'm feeling like a total arse now, because I do already have 2 children. I really should be counting my blessings not whinging about my lack of a third.

It is so all consuming when you want to be pregnant. I feel so cheated that my plans are not coming true. But your posts have put that into perspective.

8 months ago myself and my 2 friends were all gigglingly planning to be bump buddies. One got preg straight away and I am throwing her baby shower tomorrow. That left me and F, who told me her fab news this morning. Now it's just me. And dh and I are having such huge problems that I can't tell anyone about. And everyone keeps saying "your turn next!" and "come on Yurbubsons!!"

It has been such a year of babies and bumps.

Makes me feel a bit hysterical.

But I probably should have just stuck to hogging the doritos, rather than whinge on a conception board.

Dorrito anyone?

Wanderlust101 Tue 14-Dec-10 13:07:04

Hi Knackered. I feel for you - if it is any consolation at all I've been there and back quite a few times over the last 18 months or so. I have totally felt like the defective and useless one in the family and friendship group - sometimes it's so easy to feel that everyone's life is so shiny and happy compared to your own. I have struggled with depression constantly (decided to stay off antidepressants as probably won't help TTC) and sometimes it feels like it's all I can do to get through the day.

On my better days I can see that lots of people have been through this and have a baby (or several!) in spite of difficulties, but those days are few and far between...I've been hating my job too (know I am really lucky to have one though) which has made it hard to put my mind to other things.

Re: job hunting, it's super tough out there and from what you say you must be a fantastic candidate, so please keep the faith. I reckon fate is just making sure you get the perfect job, and giving you a bit of time to deal with everything that's going on before you launch into a great new career. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You are totally not alone, stay strong xx

KnackeredCow Tue 14-Dec-10 13:30:26

Don't feel like an arse. I don't think there is that much difference between wanting one or three children. Not sure we have that much control over the drive to reproduce.

Really sorry to hear that you and your DH are having problems. That must be really tough.

Wanderlust I really do empathise with you too. It's really hard.

KnackeredCow Tue 14-Dec-10 13:34:06

Sorry another x post Wanderlust.

Thank you for the positive thoughs.

I know what you mean about hating your job. I really resented the one I left in May as it got in the way of TTC so much as I was away from home 3 nights a week. It was the right decision to leave.

Saw your other post on your HSG. I'm really sorry it was such a stressful experience. Really hope that you get a good result when you have a lap and dye.

GetDownYouWillFall Tue 14-Dec-10 16:25:15

I feel for you ...

Take a look at this, you may have seen it before, but made me chuckle....

gardenpixie Tue 14-Dec-10 16:46:52

Yule I know what you mean; I've been TTCing since before the industrial revolution (well, it seems like it anyway) and I started off getting really excited thinking "it'll be me next" and now I just get grumpy and drink gin. Seriously though, it is gruelling, I hope you are OK

Getdown that is one of the funniest things I have seen for ages - thank you so much, I really needed cheering up grin

GetDownYouWillFall Tue 14-Dec-10 16:49:34

grin Glad it cheered you up gardenpixie - me too!!!

KnackeredCow Tue 14-Dec-10 17:00:13

Getdown love your link grin

gardenpixie I am all for being grumpy and drinking gin too.

YulenoYurbubson Tue 14-Dec-10 17:49:37

Brilliant link grin

And hooray for you lot to drink gin with, now I've lost my last drinking buddy <wells up self-pityingly>

I've just been rather masochistically working out how many bumps and newborns I know (actually know well enough that we go to each others houses for coffee)
1 X 8wk old
1 X 4wk old
2 X 2wk old
3 X bumps due in January
Oldest friend due in June
Last remaining drinking buddy just preg

And I could add a whole lot more if I counted women at school, pta friends, book club, people on my street, yoga class mates... yup. Everyone in the world is definitely pregnant.

Santaclaustrophobia Tue 14-Dec-10 19:01:26

get some perspective. you have 2 children already and you have only been trying for 8 months.

YunoYurbubson Tue 14-Dec-10 19:23:10

Yes. You're right. Have had my moment of self pity and am moving on.

waterplate Tue 14-Dec-10 20:13:19

I have had two miscarriages in the past six months and have three friends who are due same week as I would have been with the first one, plus yesterday found out that a girl (wife of DH's friend) who got married a week after us is 12 weeks. Happy for them but also jealous!

I sympathise completely with all of you. Hang in there ladies, carry on with the gin!

TheFantasticFixit Tue 14-Dec-10 20:46:11

Oh groan.. can I join in?! If I see another update that announces yet another friend's pregnancy I might just scream louder than I --have already--

<eyes vodka>

TheFantasticFixit Tue 14-Dec-10 20:47:23

and in my despair I have lost the power of strike out wit.

<wails>

gardenpixie Tue 14-Dec-10 21:02:16

Fantastic here, have this enormous vodka to take the edge off

<joins in wail>

Yuno I reckon everyone deserves to have a rant. TTC sucks. Do you want a vodka too?

Waterplate sad at your horrid last few months. Really hope you're doing OK and have another BFP soon (obviously vodka for you too)

haribofan Tue 14-Dec-10 21:34:06

Yuleno just wahted to say I sympathise. I have 2 children and am desperate for a third. It's a difficult position you and I are in. You feel desperate for a 3rd but feel guilty about talking about it as all people will say is how lucky you are to have 2 already which, of course is absolutely true. So, I have said nothing to anyone in RL at all and feel very sad at times. I hope you have success soon. I have been ttc 17 months this time and found the period between 6 and 9 months trying the worst- PURE desperation. If anything it's getting easier now as I'm losing hope rapidly and don't quite have the expectation that I did.

TheFantasticFixit Tue 14-Dec-10 22:08:35

<tipsily cluncks voddie glasses with gardenpixie>

Yuleno never mind that rubbish about having 2 beauties already - if you are TTC, you are TTC and entitled to feel every emotion the same way as anyone else. TTC is an emotional rollercoaster and it is hard for anyone trying to get perspective. I'm with gardenpixie - everyone should be allowed to rant!

<tops up vodka glasses all round>

Waterplate I'm so sorry you have had the most horrid last few months. I hope you are okay too and wishing you all the best for the BFP.

That video is genius. Would it be wrong to link to my facebook in retaliation to everyone's lovely fandabbidosy new preggy smuggy news?!

envy

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