figured if i wrote whats going on in my head that it will clear things up for me! even better if anyone can help
ok i suppose you will need a bit of background!
dd1 and in pg was very down the birth was a 24 hr labour with a failed epidural was horrible a yr of pnd followed
dd2 was born when dd1 was 21 months pnd was well hidden and up to 7 months was ok spd was bad and depression seeped in and was induced early
the labour was about 3 hrs and went well until i had the retained placenta, pph and manual removal i remember nothing of my dd2's first moments and tbh i dont remember holding her or bonding at all
dd2 is now 2 and up until 8-10 weeks ago was stuggling badly with depression, i have however turned a huge corner and am off the tablets i am though under extra monitoring because of the depression and have been off work the last year now.
my dilema now is that i am slowly worrying more and more on the upcoming labour of my ds1
i am now 29+2wks pregnant and terrified that one i will have bad labour again with the bleeding and no bonding etc and 2 that this will happen and the depression will come back
i have only just in past 6 months felt a bond with dd2 i soooooo dont want this to happen with my ds1 and last child
i have been enjoying the pg and tbh this has been the best of the 3 (and my add this is the last!!!) spd is back with a bang but thats not what bothers me
i know that i have a 50% chance of the same happening and it terrifies me
i am under consultant care and have to be rescanned on the 19th as i have low placenta (cld this be due to scarring from the manual removal?) so will be back there again soon
but my consultant really isnt the easiest of women to talk to and is well known not to smile lol
i have been researching all angles like mad and i guess i just want advice....
i felt so out of control and the pain and panic of dd2s labour along with not remembering what happened when she was born etc and how i was after will scar me for life
please help me get things straight?!
i have been reading up on c sections... and i know i know its a major op but believe me i have been going over things over and over again.
my main concern is that i so desperately don't want to become ill and bad mum again i dont want to have this affect me badly again
and yet again i know that i cld have a norm delivery and worried about nothing but it doesnt take away how im feeling
thanks for reading if you got this far
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Childbirth
Any midwives or patient people that can help me? terrified about next labour and need views and advice
64 replies
madmissy · 06/10/2009 22:15
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