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Can you please help clarify what the nature of this is? DH wants police involved.

(149 Posts)
cressidacow Sun 23-Sep-12 08:38:35

Have name-changed.

Ds, 12, throughout Y7 has been bullied by one child in particular, I will call him Tony. I have lsited events below so hopefully it is easier to read:

Tony has repeatedly called ds names ie "dyslexic" and laughing at how he walks (ds has SEN and is being assessed for dyspraxia).

During a swimming lesson, Tony held ds' head under the water 4 times, each time for and estimated 7 or 8 seconds. Ds repeatedly told him to stop. When ds tried to get out of the pool, Tony grabbed him by the leg and pulled him back in.

Tony has asked ds to give him money.

Tony told ds he was going to come into his bedroom and strangle him on an upcoming school trip abroad.

All the above has been reported to school by email.

We nearly pulled ds out of the trip abroad but he was keen to go so we relented after expressing our concerns to the teacher organising the trip. She said (in her words) that they would "look after him like he was our own son".

During the trip Tony and 3 other boys (Year 9s) repeatedly came into the room ds was sharing with a friend. Firstly the boys were just throwing things around but then, late at night, they came in. One sat on ds's feet whilst another sat over ds' face and rubbed his balls in ds's face. Another boy got into bed with ds, put his arms round him and started humping against him (in ds' words) "he was trying to have sex with me". Tony was present during all this but ds cant be sure who did what because the lights were out.

Ds' roommate had locked himself in the bathroom during all of this. Both he and ds were told they would be beaten up if they reported it. According to ds' roommate, while he was hiding he could hear the boys talking about deleting pictures they had taken with their phones. Ds's roommate refuses to tell the school because he is petrified.

Ds told us after Tony had allegedly assualted another boy in the PE changing rooms last week.

If you have read this far, I thank you.

Please could someone advise how far we should take things. We have been in to see pastoral head on friday. We want to know what we can realistically expect the school to do.

Pumpster Sun 23-Sep-12 09:11:55

Your poor boy. It's a child protection issue and I would report to the police asap. So sorry sad

Vagaceratops Sun 23-Sep-12 09:12:21

I would call the police. The school are obviously not dealing with it.

Your poor DS. Above all he needs to know that you are on his side.

Romilly70 Sun 23-Sep-12 09:14:08

I would also ask the parents of the other boys (changing room incident & the one who locked himself in the bathroom) to contact the police.

It is unbelievable that the school is trying to dismiss these incidents.
I would wonder how many other boys have also been abused by tony and his gang.

Kormachameleon Sun 23-Sep-12 09:19:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CMOTDibbler Sun 23-Sep-12 09:21:46

I'd be in the heads office on Monday morning, informing them that you are going to go to the police regarding the sexual assult on your son, and I'd phone his friends parents to advise them that their son was not alone and what you are doing. Ask to see their safeguarding procedures and ask serious questions about why they are failing to protect your ds.
Then follow through - your poor ds is being abused by this boy and his group, and it can't be allowed to go on.

burmac Sun 23-Sep-12 09:24:35

So sorry to hear this.

I have found that emails that invoke the school's formal procedures are a powerful way of getting things moving. In this case, safeguarding and bullying procedures need to be drawn on. They should be on the school website but Even if you can't get hold of them I'd suggest emailing the head saying you are registering a formal complaint and that you consider there's a need for an immediate investigation into these incidents and that you are not satisfied that the school is upholding its safeguarding duties. That sort of thing.

Also agree about the police. Here in London state and some private secondaries have police liaison officers - don't know where you are but that would be worth checking as that officer would have relationship with senior staff.

Downfall Sun 23-Sep-12 09:25:00

Oh OP, I would be raging too.
Formal complaint to school, report to police, consider offsted. There really are supervision concerns here.
I dont know much about your DS' SEN, but is there a dyslexia/dyspraxia society you can contact? Whilst Im sure they wont comment on the specifics of your situation, they might be able to give you advice on handling bullying/supporting DS?
Your DS sounds like he has coped with maturity and courage. Big hug to you both.

Haemadoots Sun 23-Sep-12 09:26:44

I agree serious assault and I would not hesitate going to the police.

maryquant Sun 23-Sep-12 09:27:04

I am filling with tears reading this your poor DS .

Police and help for your DS- someone he can speak too .

WynkenBlynkenandNod Sun 23-Sep-12 09:30:38

Given the school's reaction to the locker room incident I would go straight to the police and not give the school the heads up. Also contact the other boy's parents.

Monday morning stright to the Head. My son would not be going back until I was confident his safety was assured, exclusions then boys concerned kept in during break, lunch etc. Keep records of every conversation and follow up in writing. When my DD was bullied the Head made sure everything was over the phone so no paper trail and at the time I was too stressed to realise what he was doing. Your poor DS and the rest of you.

ArtexMonkey Sun 23-Sep-12 09:31:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peanutMD Sun 23-Sep-12 09:32:04

quite possibly a pregnancy related hormone over reaction but I have just had flashes of the Kite Runner in my head sad

Definitely go to the police but keep the school informed on what you are doing by email as others have suggested to ensure there are records.

NormaStanleyFletcher Sun 23-Sep-12 09:54:41

Oh my good god. That Thursday incident is not childish pranks shock

If that is the schools attitude, then police, straight away.

daytoday Sun 23-Sep-12 10:01:46

Oh my god. This is serious.

1. I would keep my son home from school and would inform the school they are not protecting my child from bullying and there has been a sexual attack.

2. I would speak with NSPCC about it straight away and they may advise you to report it to social services under safe-guarding. I suspect most schools have a duty of care to write down and report any behaviours that seem odd. The sexual assault on your son would set alarm bells ringing.

3. I would ask for a meeting with the headmaster and write a letter to the chair of governors.

4. I would report the incident to the police.

I am so very sorry about this. It is really unaccepatable and you must believe this. Also, it can be prevented. The school need to take full responsibility.

I have recently had some worries with my son regarding bullying - I let it go on for a bit - one week or so - then I went in like Arno in Terminator. Doctors report etc. You child does not need to accept this. Any codswallop like boys will be boys and high jinks - ask the school to write it down that that is what they are telling you because I can assure you that they will backtrack.

In state schools you would write to OFSTED - who do you report this too? ISIS? IF there are boarders at the school OFSTED would get involved I'm sure.

Do not worry about 'overreacting' it doesn't matter - you have to stop your child from experiencing this. Secondly - I would look for another school pronto.

Pajimjams Sun 23-Sep-12 10:05:02

How awful. Some good advice here already.

You need to be really angry that your son has been sexually and physically assaulted a number of times whilst in the care of the school.

I agree about asking the school to invoke their child protection and bullying policies. If the school cannot demonstrate their capacity to safeguard their students welfare then you need to inform the local safeguarding children's board (google LSCB and your area) who have a strategic responsibility to protect all local children. They will tackle the school.

This institutional acceptance of abuse is how headlines are made. Be angry, be active, and don't let your son go back until it is safe. Be glad your relationship with your son means he felt able to disclose this abuse to you.

With very best wishes at this difficult time.

squishyotter Sun 23-Sep-12 11:03:04

I would say its important to involve the police asap, as they can often recover deleted photos.

MadameCastafiore Sun 23-Sep-12 11:12:12

You need to go to the police as soon as possible - today, now if you can. Your son has been sexually assaulted and the police are the people to deal with sexual assaults - school does not have the expertise or the authority to do so.

Do you think a visit from the police wouild make the other little boy who witnessed the assault from the bedroom make a statement?

I wouldn't involve the school either - just tell the police that you had infromed them what had happened. Keep DS off of schooland when the school phones tell them that as they cannot guarantee his safety in the light of the recent sexual assault you have no choice but to write to the board of governers about their reaction to the allegations and to whoever it is who overseas public schools.

I think the police would mre than likely do the reporting for safeguarding, ask the policeman/woman whne they take statemets.

Above all mu main worry would be my child - I would not send him back to school - you can't he is being sexually/physcially/emotionally/psychologically abused there and I would throttle the fecking headmaster ro anyone who said this is noraml for a public school - your son deserves to be safe and protected no matter where he is and public schools thank god to not operate beyond the law.

RabidCarrot Sun 23-Sep-12 11:20:19

POLICE POLICE POLICE, the sooner the better

Your poor child sad he should not have to deal with this, as the mother of a child who has been bullied I know what you are going through, I had the bully his father and his step uncle arrested before it stopped, and it took me every ounce of self restraint not to stoop to the bullies level and batter seven shades of shit out of him.

This is a sexual assault and must be reported, what vile boys they are, I hope they get in a world of trouble.

cressidacow Sun 23-Sep-12 11:22:15

Thanks again for all your replies. Both dh and I have read and re-read them throughout the morning.

I didnt make it clear but when the boy was squatting over ds' face, he did have pjamas on. So no skin-to-skin contact.

Thank you again everyone. Will need to keep thinking long and hard about next step.

daytoday Sun 23-Sep-12 11:27:36

Also, your poor lad probably wants to bury himself away from all this. Take care of him, thank him for telling you and send him into the living room with popcorn, cuddles and his favourite film. Tell him it will never happen again.

Try to keep him protected from what happens next. Make phone calls out if earshot and discuss after bedtime.

Pancakeflipper Sun 23-Sep-12 11:31:16

Police and I would keep my son off school until satisfied with outcome. In fact I would be looking at other schools.

Have you been in contact with the school governors about the previous events?

TheCrackFox Sun 23-Sep-12 11:36:29

Phone the police as soon as possible.

Do not inform the school as they will use the opportunity to dilute any evidence.

Don't send your son back to that school, he is not safe. Would you go back go a workplace if that happened to you?

Tony is a potential rapist and if he doesn't get help now his behaviour will escalate.

cressidacow Sun 23-Sep-12 11:37:19

Hi, we have not contacted Governors previously but will be doing so first thing in the morning.

Ds will be staying at home tomorrow. Beyond that, we are not sure. We will be contacting other schools but it seems so unfair that ds might have to be moved because he does have some good friends in the school and he has a very good relationship with many of the teachers.

Ds has a friend coming round. pizza, chocolate and playstation time.

cressidacow Sun 23-Sep-12 11:40:08

x-posts TCF, I agree Tony is a rapist in waiting. The sexual nature of his behaviour is extremely alarming. I checked out his Twitter - links to porn from his page and some pretty shocking language.

Pancakeflipper Sun 23-Sep-12 11:41:31

I know it's unfair but think of it as being one step ahead and preparing because your trust with the school might really suffer if they do not take the appropriate action.

Do contact the Governors. Contact them all not just the one who deals with complaints so they are all aware - I think 1 of them a least will spring into action and help with getting this taken very seriously.

Lots of luck and hope the pizza, choc and chilling with his mate takes his mind of all this.

It really is appalling. Poor kids.

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