Can you please help clarify what the nature of this is? DH wants police involved.

[cressidacow]

Have name-changed.

Ds, 12, throughout Y7 has been bullied by one child in particular, I will call him Tony. I have lsited events below so hopefully it is easier to read:

Tony has repeatedly called ds names ie "dyslexic" and laughing at how he walks (ds has SEN and is being assessed for dyspraxia).

During a swimming lesson, Tony held ds' head under the water 4 times, each time for and estimated 7 or 8 seconds. Ds repeatedly told him to stop. When ds tried to get out of the pool, Tony grabbed him by the leg and pulled him back in.

Tony has asked ds to give him money.

Tony told ds he was going to come into his bedroom and strangle him on an upcoming school trip abroad.


All the above has been reported to school by email.

We nearly pulled ds out of the trip abroad but he was keen to go so we relented after expressing our concerns to the teacher organising the trip. She said (in her words) that they would "look after him like he was our own son".

During the trip Tony and 3 other boys (Year 9s) repeatedly came into the room ds was sharing with a friend. Firstly the boys were just throwing things around but then, late at night, they came in. One sat on ds's feet whilst another sat over ds' face and rubbed his balls in ds's face. Another boy got into bed with ds, put his arms round him and started humping against him (in ds' words) "he was trying to have sex with me". Tony was present during all this but ds cant be sure who did what because the lights were out.

Ds' roommate had locked himself in the bathroom during all of this. Both he and ds were told they would be beaten up if they reported it. According to ds' roommate, while he was hiding he could hear the boys talking about deleting pictures they had taken with their phones. Ds's roommate refuses to tell the school because he is petrified.


Ds told us after Tony had allegedly assualted another boy in the PE changing rooms last week.

If you have read this far, I thank you.

Please could someone advise how far we should take things. We have been in to see pastoral head on friday. We want to know what we can realistically expect the school to do.

[cressidacow]

Couthy your poor ds. I cant understnad how some of these evil little bastards operate.

Ds wont be returnign to school tomorrow. Does anyone know what we have to do legally to keep him at home. Dont want to be prosecuted for non-attendance.

[RandomMess]

Get him signed off sick by the GP?

PTSD or similar!!!!

[Themumsnot]

Cressida - what have the police said?
I imagine if you are worried about non-attendence you could go to the GP and have him signed off sick. Or you could inform the school that in order for him to return they need to discuss with you what measures they have put in place to guarantee his safety.
But if you have no intention of sending him back there, you can always notify the LA that you are home educating until you find a suitable school.

[lunar1]

Another vote for the police, your poor ds.

[cressidacow]

petrifiedperson, your post made me feel so sad for you.

Couthy, weirdly the anti-bullying policy has been removed from the school website. It was ther on thursday

[cressidacow]

Will spk to GP tomorrow, thanks for that.

[KnickKnack]

If you Google the name of the school and the words "anti bullying policy" or whatever they had called it, you should be able to find a cached version of the old page...ie a snapshot of the page when it had the policy there.
(I think?!)

[daytoday]

Suddenly had a thought, I really hope this doesn't worry you, but it might be a good angle to push the school and police into action - but

Whose not to say that the school and certain teachers have a vested interest in not exposing unsavoury practises. Yours wouldn't be the first school where a teacher has encouraged inappropriate behaviour for their own sexual benefit, to hide something more sinister.

I am in no way suggesting this is happening - but if a teacher had dismissed such serious events as 'boys being silly' without investigating and making it clear it is unacceptable behaviour. I think I would want to question how on earth the teacher had come to that conclusion? What do they consider normal high jinks.

The school should welcome your concerns and want to investigate.

[ggirl]

good point daytoday..hope it's not true though

[3littlefrogs]

I agree with you daytoday. This crossed my mind too.

[FelicitywasSarca]

I know it's been said a thousand times already, but yes this is serious, yes this exposes grave concerns about the schools ability to discipline and maintain order and prevent criminal offences being committed.

You must continue to work with the police OP and protect your son from further harm. He must leave this school and the perpetrators of this awful violence must be dealt with by the police. (Although we must remember they are children too- and it is probable that they are themselves being abused in some way).

[HiHowAreYou]

A boy at my school behaved in a similar way, disturbing sexual behaviour alongside bullying.
He was in a foster home, I assume he'd had a terrible life.
:(

Your son's school is being so short-sighted in not pressing for this to be investigated and dealt with fully. Both for your poor son and the perpetrator.

However, I am fully aware that some teachers and some schools would rather not see things that make them uncomfortable or would prove difficult to sort out. You must be so cross.

I'm very glad you rang the police. You are doing entirely the right thing.

[takeonboard]

How did you get on with speaking to the poslice, school and GP today OP?

I hope your DS is ok today

[takeonboard]

police of course

[swooosh]

How did you get on today?

[Ladymuck]

Too late I suspect but yes, you need to phone the Police and ask to speak to the Child Abuse Investigation Team, which is exactly what the school should be doing/have done. No one else should be attempting to "investigate" what has happened, as that alone will damage any police investigation. The police will have officers who are trained to deal with these situations, and will act a lot more professionally than anyone at the school or the LA social services will do ime. Your son and the other boys will be interviewed by plain clothes police, and your son should be given the specialist support and counselling to deal with this.

I know that in these situations that a lot can happen in 24 hours. Do make sure that you have some real life support yourself. This is a lot for YOU to deal with.

[MrsGuyOfGisbourne]

OP, another one in tears here,your poor DS, he is so lucky to have you and your DH as parents, and has been able to tell you about the incidents. You have done absolutely the right thing - the police must take action about this.

[meah]

Hi, i have lots of experiance with bullying having being bullied myself from about yr7 until the yr when you work experiance (during that time was when i stood up to the bully), and now to my disgust my 2 youngest have suffered the same fate, my dd having suffered more. In my experiance/s the school will at first attempt to do something, stage one is to usually talk to all students involved including the child who is being bullied, two punish the bully or contact thier parents (though i have never known them to do that), the girl who bullied my daughter was banned from getting the bus and put into issolation for a while but was allowed back on the bus after some time, three is to exclude the bully from school for a short time and then in some cases expell them entirely from the school - I think that schools are useless at dealing with bully's so dont except much and i feel that contacting the police should be an option depending on what the school says and does about your situation. Good luck

[andyinlondon]

CouthyMowWearingOrange as your DS is disabled tell the school that you are reporting the assault as a hate crime not as bullying, and / or do the same with the police.
attacking a disabled person because of their disability is the same as attacking a person because of race or gender in law,
they are all are hate crimes and should be treated as such

it was the only way i could get my DS school to act when he was getting bullied.
his school went into panic mode and resolved it that day!

[CouthyMowWearingOrange]

Andy - won't work if the perpetrators are under 10yo. Which they are. And as the school is refusing to accept his disabilities now (have taken him even off SA now, despite outside involvement and 4+ diagnoses on record of various things), that's a non flier!

[CouthyMowWearingOrange]

And I know more than you think about disability hate crime, as well as my DS2 being disabled, my DD is too, and so am I. Still not going to work with my police when they are all under 10yo.

[andyinlondon]

Sorry to hear that, my DS was 13 at the time so the school had to take the threat seriously. and they did act, it is a horrible situaton to be in.

I hope you can get it resolved it is a horrible situation

[andyinlondon]

i would still give it a try, if a child under 10 was shouting the "n" word at a black child they would act on that as a hate crime and there should be no difference in law between either incident,
perhaps a letter of two to your MP might help to force them into action,
worth a try

[perfectstorm]

Bluntly, private schools are businesses. They rely on reputation to recruit. They are fierce on protecting that, and you need the police to protect your child because the school are abysmally failing. So glad you are taking action. And so, so sorry for you and him and your DH. Thank God he has parents he was able to tell, and who support him.

[bringbacksideburns]

Any new OP? Hope your soon is OK, under the circumstances.