PREGNANT AFTER STILLBIRTH

[beag]

Hi
I have just found out that I am pregnant, my daughter was stillborn in December and although there was no reason for her death I am so worried that it is going to happen again.

[myermay]

Message withdrawn

[bundle]

beag, i'm really sorry about your daughter's death. have you been in touch with SANDS? others on here who've had similar experiences to yours swear by the support they offer - you may find some old threads if you search. good luck with this pregnancy! xxx

[beansprout]

I'm so sorry you lost your daughter. Many congratulations on your pregnancy. Of course you are worried given what has happened. I really hope you can get the support and care you need in this pregnancy to ensure it is as stress free as possible. Best wishes to you and your dp/h.

[elsmommy]

Congratulations
I hope everything works out for you
I don't have any advice I just wanted to say that....

[Frizbe]

congrats to you, I'm sure everything will be fine for you {{Hugs}}

[Cristina7]

Congratulations, Beag. I wish you all the best with this pregnancy. I had a stillborn baby son in October '03 (no cause found) and 17 months later had my lovely baby daughter. She's 7 weeks old today. I felt much of the "magic" of pregnancy was lost this time round, but I have a healthy baby daughter now. We wanted to find out the sex of the baby early and named her early too so that we could enjoy having her every single moment she was with us. Our local branch of SANDS has meetings for pregnant women after stiilbirht, it might be something worth looking into for yourself. Best of luck. Cristina

[Spacecadet]

beag, congrats, yes your preg will be fraught with anxiety, i had a stillbirth 15 yearsago and just a couple of months later got preg with my dd who is now 13, it was a very tense preg, especially when i experienced on off bleeding throughout, i was offered counselling in the last fewweeks of my preg to help me to plan for a baby arriving because i was convinced she was going to die, they also scanned me every week too and were lovely, i have 4 lovely kids now, you will prob go under the care of a consultant and will be watched v carefully, good luck, i hope it all goeswell, a december baby?

[Spacecadet]

by theway should add your preg will be an anxious time because of whats happened, dont be afraid to ring midwives etc if worried a bout anything, dont be afraid to take yourself off to hospital if worried about your baby, the midwives will be used to it and will be able to give constant reassurance.

[milward]

Congrats beag on your pregnancy - wonderful news for you after the terrible time it must have been. Talk about how you feel - tell your doc that you're worried so that you could have some extra checkups. Wishing you all the best.

[beag]

Thank you all for your support, I never knew this site existed until yesterday i wish i knew earlier, to Christina7 I too will find out what sex this baby is which is something i never wanted to do before, to spacecadet - yes the new baby is due on the day my daughter was delivered...some things are ment to be.

[Spacecadet]

ahhh, well good luck with this preg, you could join the ante natal club on here if you havent already, where you can always vent all your worries.

[LEWEI]

Congratulations beag, my son was stillborn Sep 02, i now have a healthy gorgeous handfull who has just celebrated her first birthday. The pregnancy with my dd was terrifying. I was too scared to beleive i would be bringing her home alive and well.There is nothing that anyone can say or do to take away the fear but you should get the greatest care this time round, if its not offered then demand it. Good luck i will be thinking about you (((((((((hugs))))))))

[crazyandconfused]

CONGRATULATIONS
I hope all goes well, and I am very sory to hear about your loss.X

[ebbie22]

I havent any more to add but congratulations and fingers crossed that you are joining us on the dec 05 club....Thinking of you xxxeb

[jangus]

Congratulations beag. I found this site after I lost my little girl 5weeks ago,and it is a great way to talk about your fears and anxieties without feeling that you are being judged or stupid. I wish you all the very best and remember that there are plenty of people who are willing to listen to you and give advice when appropriate.
jangus xx

[jangus]

beag...are you OK, haven't seen you posting recently.
jangus xxxxx

[beag]

Hi Jangus

Yes I am fine thank you. I had to think very hard about wether i wanted to keep in contact with this site or any of the others on the m/b as it is not an easy thing to keep thinking about what happened, I try not to keep going over and over it in my brain, i also find some of the opions in other sites very strong and i think that loss of whatever kind is a very personal thing and noone is right or wrong.
Anyway thank you for asking after me x

[jangus]

Hi beag,
good to hear that you are still around. You are right saying that everyone is different and that an opinion is just an opinion. It must be very hard for you at the minute after all that has happened to you. Please come on here and air your views, plenty of people can give you support and a listening ear.
take care
jangus xx

[Spacecadet]

hi beag have been wondering about you, dont be put off by some peoples opinions, as you said, everyones loss is personal to them, you havent had time to come to terms with whats happened to you, i think its very poignant that your new baby is due on the same day your other baby died. I wish you all the love and luck in the world and look forward to your announcement in dec please post on mn whenever, there are plenty of people as jangus said who are more than happy to offer help and guidance.

[mrsdarcy]

Hi Beag
I am 28 weeks pregnant after losing my daughter last year at 19 weeks. I don't want to ram my experiences down your throat but if it would help to discuss how I have been coping (or not!) I'm very happy to do so.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you're getting supportive medical care.

[MINNIE1]

Hi, Just want to wish you all the best in your pregnancy..

[beag]

Had a dreadful day yesterday...just wanted to cry, cant help thinking its all going to happen again, dont think I could cope with that, there was no reason why she died it was like an early cot death ( i was 32 weeks) so there is nothing really to look out for, -i havent seen anyone yet, i am booked to see the midwife in three weeks, cant stand her she sounds like everything she says is from a book!!!! but the midwifes at the hospital are wonderful so if i have anything to ask or want an extra scan i will go direct to them.

[Miaou]

hi beag, have you contacted SANDS? It sounds to me like you could do with some extra support and you don't sound confident that you will get it from your midwife . I'm pg with my third, I've never had any problems, not even a miscarriage, and yet sometimes I feel overwhelmed by anxiety about what could go wrong...it's natural to feel this way and all the more so given what happened to you. Don't feel bad/guilty about the way you feel, you need that support more than most and there is nothing bad about it. Perhaps your doctor could refer you for some counselling?

Hopefully some other mumsnetters will have some more constructive suggestions to make, but in the meantime you have my sympathy and am sending you some virtual hugs ((((((((())))))))))))) Miaou x

[Marina]

Hi beag, I lost ds2 at 21 weeks and was also given the "premature cot death" explanation after a post-mortem and other tests on me. I got pregnant again soon after and tbh found the whole nine months appallingly stressful. I did find SANDS helpful as they put me in touch with someone local who had been through similar and she was an understanding listener at this hard time. I was also still having bereavement counselling for Tom and that helped too.
Talking, here or elsewhere, helps.
What you are feeling is totally normal in this situation.
You could try asking if it is possible to receive all your antenatal care at the hospital - my bereavement midwife offered this support to mums who really felt their community team were lacking in understanding. You also need to check that your files are all marked so that any health professional accessing them cannot miss that your daughter was stillborn and don't put you through the misery of having to explain. SANDS make suitable stickers for health professionals to use.
We found out the sex of our baby third time round. It helped me bond with her a little. But for much of the pregnancy I felt scared to love her and even angry with her for putting me through this. Now she is nearly two and a wonderful, loveable little monster.
CAT me if you want. Congratulations on conceiving again. XXX

[mrsdarcy]

Would it be worth checking if your hospital offers counselling? I am receiving counselling from a counsellor/social worker and it is really helping me get through this pregnancy although I still have awful days.