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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

my dad died today

51 replies

DivaDroid · 18/02/2016 15:10

Just that. He was working at Bacton gas plant (he & mum live in central Scotland) and just collapsed on Monday.
His colleague performed CPR for 35 minutes until the ambulance came.
His work flew mum down on Monday, I came on Tuesday (I live near aberdeen) and my brother came yesterday.
After he had a ct scan on Tuesday afternoon, it became apparent that he had suffered massive diffuse brain injury. This morning we took him off his ventilator, as he was never going to get better. In less than 10 minutes he was dead. He would have been 59 this year.
His kidneys, lungs & liver have all been donated. He is also donating corneas & skin.
He's been at Norfolk & Norwich university hospital CCU. the staff there have been amazing as have Dads work.
We are devastated.
Thank you if you got to the end - it's a long post.

OP posts:

Report

ImperialBlether · 18/02/2016 15:12

I am so sorry. What terrible news for you.

SleepIsForTheWeakAnyway · 18/02/2016 15:14

My thoughts are with you

I hope the donations bring you peace. Such a beautiful, selfless thing to do at an unimaginable time.

My heart really does go out to you and your family

ImperialBlether · 18/02/2016 15:14

Eventually the knowledge he's helped so many people will help you, I'm sure. No comfort now when all you want is him back, though.

KittyandTeal · 18/02/2016 15:15

What an awful shock.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is wonderful that he is helping others with his organs. Not that it makes your suffering any easier.

💐

fuctifino · 18/02/2016 15:16

for your loss. So good that his organ's can live on in others.

DivaDroid · 18/02/2016 15:19

Thank you - we are just reeling. Mum spoke to him on Monday morning and he was fine.
His Drs think he literally dropped dead on Monday and he's been kept alive by machine until today.
He was on the donor register, and we respected his wishes. It's nice to know parts of him live on in others.
I'm just needing space to try to make sense of it all - he was too young, me & my brother are only early 30s, we should have had so much more time.

OP posts:

RoosterCogburn · 18/02/2016 16:12

So sorry for your loss.

Pancakeflipper · 18/02/2016 16:18

So sorry for you and your family. You must be stunned. How awful for you all.

I hope your kindness of donating brings you all a feeling of warmth of knowing your dad is making a huge difference to others still.

Take care.

weegiemum · 18/02/2016 16:20

So sorry x

Finola1step · 18/02/2016 16:22

I'm so sorry for your loss.

vestandknickers · 18/02/2016 16:22

I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible shock. Look after each other as best you can and make sure you eat every now and then.

LineyReborn · 18/02/2016 19:03

I'm so sorry. My father died two weeks ago - but he was 'a good age' and your dad was so young.

Thank you for respecting his donation wishes. Absutely, totally, thank you

What a fabulous man, and what a lovely family he has.

Babyroobs · 18/02/2016 23:32

I'm sorry for your loss. My lovely fil was out shopping on wednesday and collapsed and died after paramedics tried for an hour to resuscitate him. It is such a shock and the third sudden death of a grandparent that my kids are facing within a few years. My fil was a very good age and although it is hard to bear , it must be even harder at such a young age as your dad.

EdithSimcox · 18/02/2016 23:41

I'm so sorry OP

Rainshowers · 18/02/2016 23:48

I'm so so sorry. I was in your position last summer. My dad died completely unexpectedly, he was only 58. I'm 30 and my brother is a year younger.

It'll take time. Honestly, I still can't make sense of it and miss him every day. But when I look back on the days and weeks after it happened I realise that I've come quite far but still have a very long way to go.

Be gentle on yourself. Look out for each other. If you need time alone just say, we had a family day a couple of days after it happened where we had no visitors, turned off the house phone etc. Make sure you eat, I lived on biscuits and sweet tea for a couple of days but with a toddler to look after I was so grateful to those who cooked for us.

What an amazing thing you did donating his organs, hopefully it gives you a small piece of comfort to know he's helped so many.

JohnThomas69 · 19/02/2016 04:19

Similar here. I was 24 when my dad died and mid 30s when my mum died. Regarding my mum I do feel quite hard done by and a bit envious that my older sisters had a good few extra living years with her. Something I'd never divulge tbh but it has always been there at the back of my mind. I tend to remind myself that I should be grateful that I was gifted 30 odd years the company of one of the most amazing individuals that ever walked this earth. I'm sure you place your father on the same pedestal.

FrancineDucks · 19/02/2016 04:36

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the shock you will all be going through. Please take good care of yourself (and your family) do let people help. What an amazing man he was giving life to others through his organ donations.
(((Huge hugs to you)))

DivaDroid · 20/02/2016 00:01

Thank you for all your kind messages. We've all gone home now that all the legal bits are done - I cried on the plane because I didn't want to leave him in Norwich on his own. Not that I've any plans to view his body.
Dads work have been amazing to us, I feel for his colleague who tried to save him - he could not have changed the outcome, but he enabled us to come and say goodbye.
It's still all so surreal, not sure when it will sink in.
I intend on delivering dads eulogy, but I don't even know how to start.
I literally feel like my heart is broken.
The oil & gas industry is certainly small & news travels fast - so many people who have worked with dad have got messages of condolence to us. They've contacted his work for them to pass it on. He's been in the industry for 30-35 years, according to his boss, not one person had a bad thing to say about him & he was well respected throughout.

I realise this all might out me, I don't mind, but if you recognise me or my family, you know where we are.

OP posts:

AJ279 · 20/02/2016 00:02

I'm so sorry for your loss

BackInTheRealWorld · 20/02/2016 00:08

Sooooh I am so sorry, my dads unexpected death is something I'm not sure I will ever get truly over...but you do get sort of used to not getting over it iykwim.
Don't rush the process, it will take you as long as you need it to xx

HemanOrSheRa · 20/02/2016 00:22

Oh Diva. I am so sorry. My Dad died a month ago. Your Dad sounds like mine - a lovely, lovely and much loved man. I wish you much strength to bear your loss .

SomethingOfTheNight · 20/02/2016 00:22

So sorry for your loss

Sonnet · 20/02/2016 00:24

So very sorry for your loss.

I too lost my dad very suddenly a few months ago
You will be in my thoughts xx

SecretWitch · 20/02/2016 00:26

Diva, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Dad. It's very hard on the heart. I will be thinking about you and your family. Sending prayers for strength and peace..xx

MummyBex1985 · 20/02/2016 20:09

I'm sorry.

My mum died on 9th December in a very similar way. She collapsed at work after a massive brain bleed. She never woke up and was in ICU. We too donated her organs - liver, kidneys and heart valves. But we weren't given any option to switch the ventilator off - brain stem death (therefore legal death) occurred whilst she was on the ventilator and we were told she had to be taken to theatre still on the machines for them to be able to use her organs. That was hard - it almost felt like I was letting her die when I told the staff they could take her away.

My mum was 62 so I understand fully.

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