Husband wants baby (if boy!) to have his name

[ELW2006]

Hi everyone,

I have a little (potential) dilemma.

My husband and I have been married for ten years and after ttc all this time we have finally been blessed and I am just over 12 weeks pregnant.

We are both absolutely delighted, albeit still very cautious as our scan isn't until Monday (although did have early scan at 7 Weeks and seen heartbeat) but I just can't get the niggling issue of boys names out of my head.

My husband wants to name it after him and whilst I don't dislike his name particularly I really don't like the thought of our (possible) son having the same name.

My husband is a wonderful man and usually when we don't agree on something we will find some common ground to settle it but on the subject of boys names he will not budge at all!!! He reminds me that he has always said he has wanted to call a boy the same name and the conversation basically ends there. My husband was named after his dad but I feel that's more of a tribute than a tradition as it's just been passed down once.

We are going to have a gender scan at 16 Weeks so this may not even be an issue however how would you go about trying to get your husband to at least open himself up to considering different names if needed?

xXx

[Soubriquet]

I would point out how he would feel if you said "no I'm going to name him this" and refuse to budge

You both need to come to an understanding

[LosingDory]

Can you give him the name as a middle name instead?

[Lapinlapin]

Can't you use his name as a middle name and then choose a name you both like as the first name?

You both need to agree a name, so compromise is obviously necessary. Could you get your point across by picking a girl's name he hates and then insisting that's the only one you'll consider!

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

Maybe the wanting your ds to have his own identity may be the way to go. ..

[ELW2006]

I would have absolutely no problem at all using it as a middle name, I think that would be lovely, but he hasn't really taken to that option.

Good shout with trying to get him to see it from the other point of view - I might try that!

xXx

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Is there a nice shortening of your DHs name OP.
Can you tell us the name ?

[FatOldBag]

Remind him that you are going to push the baby out of your vagina and you won't be bullied into calling it his full forename and surname. Perhaps his forename could be the child's middle name? Or perhaps he can give birth himself.

[ELW2006]

Sorry, just realised his name would probably help lol.

His name is Noel so unfortunately no shortening of it and no other real variation of it either.

It's by no means the worst name in the world but it's just not what I want to name our son.

Thanks so much for all your advice so far xXx

[smilingsarahb]

Leon?

[emilybrontescorset]

Use it as a middle name.
How would your dh feel if you insisted on calling s girl after you?
I teally don't like children named the same as their parent.

[Waterlemon]

That's very clever smiling!

Brilliant call!

I'm voting for Leon too!

[SuperBeagle]

No, no, no.

Naming a child has to be a joint effort. Not one person saying, "It's going to be this. End of conversation".

FWIW, my dad was a Junior. He grew up to despise his father. His father was an awful person, who purely wanted to give his son his name for narcissistic reasons. My dad ended up going by a completely different name (for example, his birth name was John but he went by Max etc). I always think about how awful it must be to share a name with someone you don't like and don't respect. It's actually put me off using any family names for my children at all.

[Longdistance]

Oh it's a pita.

My db has my df name. They keep opening each other's post.

[AyeAmarok]

Your child needs to have his own identity, I would hate, absolutely hate, to be called Jane Smith if my mum was also Jane Smith. I would like to be called Sarah Jane Smith after my mum, however.

Leon is clever though. Never noticed that before.

Your husband doesn't get to just put his foot down on something like this.

Middle name is the way to go.

As an aside, did you change your name to your husband's when you married?

If it's a girl, I think you should decide to give her your first name and your birth surname and tell your DH it's a done deal. See how he likes that.

[Waterlemon]

We had plenty of disagreements over names with both pregnancies, but as soon as I saw my babies for the first times, I looked at them and a name just came into my head, I then said to DH "DC name is x"

He was so in awe/shock/traumatised/ecstatic/thrilled that he didn't even bother to argue!

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

He reminds me that he has always said he has wanted to call a boy the same name and the conversation basically ends there.

This is very silly of him. So because you didn't object when having a hypothetical conversation about a child that you may or may not have in the future, you have now signed away your right to an opinion? You need to point out to him how ridiculous that sounds. What were you meant to do? Have a battle over the name of a child who didn't exist? Who would do that?!

He can't just make this decision and say "tough". It doesn't work like that.

There is a very obvious compromise here which is to use your DH's name as a middle name and both choose a first name that you agree on. He needs to suck it up and meet you halfway like a grown up.

[Hassled]

You could tell him that Noel only really works if it's a Christmas baby these days. People assume a Christmas connection (I don't know if that's actually true, but you could tell him it's a well known fact). Plus there's the whole Noel Edmonds thing.
But ultimately it has to be something you both agree on - he can't just force his views on this. It's not fair.

[Pommes]

Noelle for a girl is nice OP.
Congratulations!

[HeyRoly]

It used to be really common, didn't it? Now I think it sounds SO old fashioned (not to mention egocentric) to name a child after yourself.

He's being very unfair presenting it to you as a done deal.

[Dontrocktheboat]

It has to be a joint decision - none of my kids has my first choice name as it is necessary to compromise. It's a bit unfair of him to take this (one of the most fun parts of having a baby!) from you!

I'd use it as a middle name ( though I do really like Leon!)

[carabos]

Too embarrassing for words. Very old fashioned, is he from another country? I met a South African couple who had a DD and a DS who they named after themselves, with their old fashioned names, so e.g. Keith and Sheila and mini Keith and mini Sheila. What was worse was when I politely said "oh you've called them after yourselves" they gave me this look and said that they hadn't done that, they just liked the names .

I'm squirming that someone would have such an ego tbh. It's a no from me.

[PonderLand]

I'd have to put my foot down and keep saying no. Maybe Leon as a pp said is a good choice but then only if you actually want to use that name? I'd still probably say no to Leon if the only reason my OH liked it was because it was his name backwards ha.

Also my partner wanted to call my DS Leonardo for 36 weeks (no Italian or Spanish in family) He did eventually cave and we both found a name we loved.

[Justmuddlingalong]

I think it's a cop out to name a baby after one of the parents. Very unimaginative, lazy and boring.

[Flippingecktucker]

It's a bizarrely egocentric and naff thing to do. Like hell would I be told what I had to name my child. Stand your ground OP.

[Gingernaut]

Agree with Justmuddlingalong.

I was named after my mother and my older brother named after our dad.

It was ridiculous. I was given a nickname around the house which was used so frequently, I was confused as were other friends and family members.

When my actual name was used, people who hadn't heard it used before were confused as was I.

Juniors are just silly.