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Antenatal tests

2 terminations due to foetal abnormalities

64 replies

BeccaAnnJones · 28/05/2018 08:47

I’ve not written a thread before but I’m really hoping for responses from people whi have gone theough what I’m going though; for peace of mind that I’m not alone, if anything.

I’m 29 years old and last November (2017) I had a medical termination due to spina biffida at the back of the skull / top of spine, causing the brain to really form abnormally. It was horrific. I had taken 5mg folic acid for the first 3 months of the pregnancy as I’m over the desired weight of pregnant mums.

We started trying again in December and fell pregnant mid January 2018.

This pregnancy seemed to go really well- no PGP (which kicked in at 17 weeks last time!). I felt baby move from 16 weeks and by the 20 week scan (at 19 weeks 5 days) I looked extremely pregnant and could feel so many movements which we were so excited about.

At the scan the sonographer said it was difficult to measure baby as he was moving so much. So we went for a walk and when we returned there were two sonographers mumbling at the screen for what felt like an eternity. They finished and we then heard the dreaded words ‘we’re nit happy with a couple of things, including baby’s head’. I was inconsolable, these were the exact words we heard pst time. Then, in walked our consultant from the last pregnancy and it was like a shot to the heart.

He looked at the screen and took us into the same dreaded room and delivered the bad news to us. The left brain ventricle was severely enlarged and the right ventricle, slightly less so; and one kidney looked completely abnormal too. He explained that we could continue but the likelihood of the baby having severe learning difficulties was very very high. I feel so guilty for deciding to go ahead with the termination but I don’t want to knowingly bring a baby into the world if their lives will be limited so much.

I’ll be taking the first tablets tomorrow (may 29) at 11am and will probably be sent to hospital on Thursday to begin the process.

We’re heartbroken and totally numb that this has happened a second time and is totally ‘unreleated and just random’ according to the consultant.

We didn’t have thhe last baby checked for genetic defects as it was obvious that it was soina biffida, but we’ll donit with our baby boy. My husband and I will also ask for testing.

Has anyone been through medical termination twice? We don’t have any other children and we want one so badly, it hurts.

Any support would be welcomed right now as I’m totally lost

Thank
Bec xxx

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BeccaAnnJones · 28/05/2018 08:50

Please ignore the awful typos, I’m writing from my phone x

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IHateToCashew · 28/05/2018 08:52

I don't have any advice, I really don't, but I just wanted to say how amazingly brave both you and your DH are. And to offer a hand hold until someone comes along with better advice.

I've had several loses between the 12-24 week mark. I really do understand that awful sense of loss. Is someone going with you on Thursday? Have you got support at home for after?

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susej · 28/05/2018 08:56

No words of advice as such but be proud of yourselves for making such a brave decision for your family.
Just remember you are and always will be parents now, this is just one of the many difficult decisions a mother and father have to make. Handhold Flowers

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BeccaAnnJones · 28/05/2018 08:57

Hi IHatetocashew

I’m so so sorry for your losses, they must have been so difficult ❤️
Thank you for your kind words. My DH is amazing and will be with me every step of the way, we’re lucky we have each other through this. Our families and friends are wonderful too.

I kept this pregnancy a secret (except for our parents and bosses), as we didn’t want to tempt fate like last time, where we talked about our pregnancy lots and then it had an horriffic ending. But it didn’t work this time.
I had been taking 5mg folic acid everyday since mid Nov 2017 too along with daily fresh kale and spinach smoothies, pregnancy ‘max’ tables and asprin. It’s so hard xxx

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BeccaAnnJones · 28/05/2018 08:58

Thanks Susej ❤️

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IHateToCashew · 28/05/2018 08:59

For what it's with as well, even though I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be, I totally support your choice to terminate. I think you're right in considering what life would be like for them, and that your desire for a baby doesn't stop you from doing what you think is right and putting your chins first. It's an incredibly selfless way to think. It's a quality that I promise will make you a fantastic parent one day.

I hope that makes sense!

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IHateToCashew · 28/05/2018 09:03

Becca Sad it sounds like you're doing everything right. Which always makes it feel harder in a way. Have you made an appointment with your GP to discuss genetic testing?

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BeccaAnnJones · 28/05/2018 09:03

Thank you so much, your words mean more than you know ❤️

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IHateToCashew · 28/05/2018 09:07

And I mean every word of them Becca. Remember, no matter what happens, if a baby is what you want, you can find a way to make it happen. It might not be the journey to motherhood you expected, but there will always be a way for you to be a parent if that's what you truly want.

Are you going to be taking some time off work?

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BeccaAnnJones · 28/05/2018 09:08

❤️ thank you. Yes, will probably take the next three weeks or so off, like last time. My work’s really understanding so there’s no preassure xx

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IHateToCashew · 28/05/2018 09:15

That's brilliant. It's great you can be open with them about it as well. Hopefully it'll mean you can get all the support you need.

Are you thinking about telling any close friends at all?

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BeccaAnnJones · 28/05/2018 09:24

I’ve told my close friends and they’ve been amazing, particularly my closest friend, who’s 36 weeks pregnant xxx

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rainbowruthie · 28/05/2018 09:25

Sending you kind thoughts Flowers

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BeccaAnnJones · 28/05/2018 09:29

Thanks rainbowruthie ❤️

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Madeline18 · 28/05/2018 09:36

Hi there, I don't want to give you false hope but have you been rescanned? I only say this as I was told that my baby had enlarged ventricles by a radiographer and when referred to the specialist, they found that everything was fine and that the radiographer had done incorrect measurements. In saying that, we had a gap between seeing the doctor whereas you saw one straight away.

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Madeline18 · 28/05/2018 09:39

We will be paying to go private next time as it was a horrendous experience, I am so sorry this is happening to you.

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IHateToCashew · 28/05/2018 09:39

That's really good Becca. I think at times like this, it's always a surprise how many people will be there for your to help you through what can feel like a really lonely and isolating time.

I know you might not feel this way, but I know I did when my friend had her baby. Be really kind to yourself if you don't feel up to seeing your friend and her new baby straight away. Don't put yourself through anything that'll hurt you, or make yourself feel guilty about anything you might feel. Your friend will understand, I'm sure.

Sorry I'm just wombling on! I'm really hoping someone will be along soon who knows a lot more than I do.

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BeccaAnnJones · 28/05/2018 10:50

Thanks Madeline, having a rescan tomorrow too. But it was so severe, we’re not hopeful at all. Thank you for sharing your experience though, really appreciate it.

Thanks Ihatetocashew, we will take it easy. The last time around my friend told me she was pregnant a month after I had the termination, as she was going for her 12 week scan. I didn’t see much of her or any of my friends for 4-6 weeks after that, it was really isolating. I’m trying to get into a different head space for this. But it’s going to be so difficult x

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Nichola2310 · 28/05/2018 16:34

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through, I can’t imagine your pain.

2.5 weeks ago we were told our baby has a fetal abnormality, and like yourself we were completely devastated. We have done a lot of research and decided that the quality of life for the baby is good enough to continue with the pregnancy. However me and my DH both discussed termination, which isn’t a word I ever thought I’d say, and I still feel horrible knowing we discussed it.

No one can ever know how they will react until they are in that situation. You are doing the best you can for your baby.

Also I took all the vitamins, followed all the rules, am a healthy weight, exercised so I completely understand you looking for a reason. Unfortunately for both of us there is no reason, and it wasn’t anything you did or didn’t do.

I’m so sorry for what lies ahead, be kind to yourself, take your time, and keep talking to your husband.

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IHateToCashew · 28/05/2018 19:08

Best of luck tomorrow Becca Thanks

I hope it's better news, like with madeleines story, I really do.

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Madeline18 · 29/05/2018 09:05

@becca 🌷🌷🌷 for today

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Neolara · 29/05/2018 09:10

I'm so very sorry you are going through this. Life is sometimes very unfair.

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Jamboree05 · 29/05/2018 09:50

Oh @becca. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending hugs and hand holds for Thursday.

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BeccaAnnJones · 29/05/2018 10:16

Thanks all ❤️

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Trooperslane2 · 29/05/2018 10:24

Becca - I'm so sorry

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