Talk

Advanced search

termination at 16 weeks

(35 Posts)
user1455661447 Tue 17-May-16 02:00:50

Hi, I have been told today after receiving my harmony test results, that my baby has down syndrome. I will be having an amnio test tomorrow but they are 99% certain. It is a terrible shock and my husband and I are devastated. I am 32 and this is our first pregnancy. We have discussed it all night, and have both decided to terminate the pregnancy is the right choice for us. However I am extremely frightened about the process, as I am 16 weeks pregnant. Has anyone been through this in the UK at this stage of a pregnancy? How did your body recover afterwards? How soon can we start trying again? Any insights would be appreciated. I'm feeling so sad and alone, and we have agreed we will not tell people what has happened and in fact very few people even know I'm pregnant so I have no one to talk to.

Chrisinthemorning Tue 17-May-16 02:05:35

I'm really sorry flowers
We went through this but at 14 weeks and I didn't want medical management so had to go to Marie Stopes.
Physically I was ok but emotionally I was a wreck for ages.
We now have a healthy son who is nearly 4 and the light of our lives.
I would suggest you speak to ARC- antenatal results and choices charity who are amazing
flowers

primarynoodle Tue 17-May-16 02:27:00

Im so sorry flowers
I had a tfmr at 13 weeks so slightly before you but the procedure will be the same.

I will be frank because thats what i needed when i was facing this, in terms of the physical - i had medical management and went into hospital in the am and gave birth around 6pm then was discharged the following morning. I bled for around 2.5 months after but i think thats rare and was caused by an infection (needed a quick course of antiobiotics). By the time the bleeding had stopped i was pregnant again and am now 32 weeks with a (so far) healthy rainbow but i still miss by baby girl every day.

Emotionally, get in touch with the charity ARC. They offer an amazing support and advice helpline and a forum like mumsnet but only for mums like us who have had to end a pregnancy due to a sad diagnosis which was much more relevant to my needs than mumsnet.

Please pm me for any more advice or support and again im so sorry this is happening to you and your dp flowers

user1455661447 Tue 17-May-16 02:27:56

Thank you for your response. Sorry to hear you have been through something similar but glad your story has a happy ending. Did your body go back to normal straight away or did you still feel pregnant?

primarynoodle Tue 17-May-16 02:35:03

I felt pregnant for a few days after but i dont know whether that was mainly psychological?

I had an amnio with this baby btw and the procedure wasnt as scary as it sounds x

KittyandTeal Tue 17-May-16 19:23:21

I'm so sorry you are in this position.

I had a tfmr at 22 weeks for T18. I won't detail that as lots of it is not relevant to your situation.

I recently lost my ds at 14 weeks (he died in utero for unknown reasons) I had a medical management which is pretty much the same as a tfmr at this gestation.

I went in at lunch time, had one pessary and that was enough. However, because he had died already my and I had had my tfmr just over a year before my body was more ready. It may take longer for you. I only needed gas and air for his birth, and it is like labour (having been through it full term and at 22 weeks) it may be slightly different if you have not given birth before. With my dd2 at 22 weeks I also had morphine during labour. These pain relief methods will be available to you too.

We chose to see both dd2 and ds after I'd had them. We have photos, memory boxes for them. We also had them both cremated and has services for them. Our crematorium is brilliant and we managed to get ashes back from ds as well as dd2 which amazed me. They are both together in the childrens garden at the crem.

Both arc and sands are brilliant charities and can help you and give you advise. Be gentle with yourself, it is a long road but you find a new normal at the end of it. 💐

user1455661447 Tue 17-May-16 19:44:54

Thank you. I had the amnio today and it nearly broke my heart seeing the baby on the scan again. But they are 99% certain, so we are in no doubt as to what the outcome will be. I'm so frightened of the termination. I have never experienced labour before and I just can't believe I have to go through it, without the reward of my baby at the end of it. I know I'm not the only person to experience this, but it feels so isolating and overwhelming. My husband is so devastated, I just feel so responsible for us being in this terrible situation.

bloodypassword Tue 17-May-16 19:51:30

Dear OP

I'm so sorry for your situation - I imagine you are both feeling utterly wretched.

I can offer nothing except to say of course you're not to blame and that I'm sure you will get lots of help and support via this forum and the others that PP have mentioned. As someone else has said, be gentle on yourself.
flowers

primarynoodle Tue 17-May-16 20:07:11

User i felt the same when i went for my final scan after dd's diagnosis - i will never forget the last time i saw her on that screen.

Dont be hard on yourself and dont feel guilty over any decisions you make - you are doing what you think is best as your child's mother and for what its worth i would do the same (and there are plenty of other parents who have already). Be kind to yourself and lean on your dp for support.

Do speak to arc and keep posting here for support/advice/experiences as you need it. Hope you are coping ok flowers

user1455661447 Wed 18-May-16 22:03:05

I made some progress today and managed to secure an appointment at a clinic for a surgical procedure. I have chosen this as I can do it this week, rather than waiting another week at the hospital, and also because I am afraid of having a drawn out procedure where I have to experience labour. My husband is concerned about the risks however, particularly in case it damages my fertility or ability to have another baby. I was wondering if anyone has experienced any long term side effects from their termination? Thanks X

KittyandTeal Thu 19-May-16 17:43:38

I don't have experience of a surgical termination but I'm pretty sure it's fairly safe (as safe as any routine op) and shouldn't result in any long term fertility issues.

You might find your cycles are a bit messed up afterwards but they generally are after a termination or late loss.

I'm glad you've managed to get an appointment for the option that suits you best.

AprilSkies44 Fri 17-Jun-16 20:01:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1455661447 Fri 17-Jun-16 21:05:25

I'm so sorry you are going through this too. It is a month now since I lost my baby. Bpas were really kind when I had the procedure and did their best to reassure me that it was ok that we'd made this decision and encouraged me to focus on the thought that I can try again and go on to have a healthy family. I did not feel judged for my choice and the nurse in recovery was particularly kind. I kept crying every time I met a different member of staff and had to explain why I was there - and if I'm honest cried most of the day. But they were very sensitive to the fact I was clearly finding it difficult being there and going through with it. It was quite uncomfortable going through the dilation part of the process but the pain was not the cause of my tears. I found the whole thing very upsetting at the time as I'd never had an operation before so the it felt very alien to me being in an operating theatre and just so incredibly sad that this was how my pregnancy was going to end. But despite all of this going on in my head, the procedure was straightforward and over quickly. I then returned to a room for three hours to wait for my cervix to dilate. This part did hurt a bit but a couple of paracetamol really helped. I felt quite shivery for a bit but it passed and I was actually quite warm and flushed before they took me back down to theatre. I was 16 weeks so was asleep for the second part. The Anaesthetist was so kind and the nurse held my hand as I went to sleep as they knew I was frightened. When I came round they were holding my hand and could not have treated me any better. I was lucky my husband was so strong during the day and waited with me throughout. You will need your partner more than ever afterwards though. He drove me home and when we got there it was his turn to cry and mine to be the strong one. We chose not to tell anyone about the decision we had made, so we called our families to tell them we'd had a miscarriage. That was one of the hardest conversations we've had to have with our parents as we could not be entirely honest, as we knew they would not understand us terminating the pregnancy. I hope you do not have to do this, but just like the procedure itself, you will get through it if you do. I have found that it's true that time is a healer but it's the emptiness that I've had to come to terms with. I felt like I'd been so ill during my pregnancy and had put on all this weight for nothing. It just felt so unfair. I can't lie that I've totally moved on... But I went back to work after a couple of days and have tried to get on with things. I have been much more emotional than normal and very teary when I talk about it. But every day it gets easier and I laugh more. I hardly bled afterwards and was totally recovered physically after two weeks. It feels a bit like period pain which is something I'm very used to, so did not find the recovery part too bad. I hope you recover well too. I don't know if any of this is helpful but I guess I just wanted to be honest and reassure you that you are not alone and tell you what to expect. No matter how hard it feels, you will get through it. I miss my baby so much but I have no regrets about the termination. My husband and I are desperate to conceive again and started trying again as soon as my body recovered. I have not had a period yet but it feels better to at least try. Please do ask me any questions you might have and if you ever need anyone to talk to afterwards then I am here for you.

AprilSkies44 Fri 17-Jun-16 22:25:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1455661447 Fri 17-Jun-16 23:23:49

I'm glad i was able to help. I actually think the fact you have been open with people, should help you come to terms with it much quicker. Only our family were aware I was pregnant so I've not been able to talk to anyone other than my husband and arc, and so I think bottling it all up has contributed to me feeling so lost. But I am starting to feel more positive again, so it does get easier. In terms of bpas I did not have to pay. I gave them my nhs number and I think that was all they needed as they are a charity. Please don't worry about your finances at a time like this. It sounds like you are handling this very well. You are very brave and I think you are right to be positive that you will get pregnant again. I will be thinking of you.

Sugarplum1234 Tue 28-Mar-17 13:49:30

Hi User, your posts have been so helpful to me today. My combined test came back yesterday and I have a 1:10 chance of having a baby with Down syndrome. I'm having the harmony blood test/scan this evening and am dreading seeing my baby again because all I can think is the worst at the moment. Like you, my partner and I have made the decision that if the baby does have Down syndrome we will terminate the pregnancy. I'm 14 weeks today so guess I will be 16 weeks by the time I have the procedure, if the outcome of my Harmony test is positive for Down's. I've only had 24 hours to digest everything and have (against all advice) gone mad researching my blood results and what they could mean. I know there's no point guessing but I can't seem to focus on living my life normally, as I was up until I received the phone call with my results yesterday. I'm also waiting for an appointment for a CVS and guess whatever the result of the Harmony test I will want to have the diagnostic test to be sure. Can I ask how long you waited for the results of your Harmony test? I'm glad you had your supportive husband with you and that you're doing ok now. Like you, we won't tell anybody anything other than we suffered a miscarriage which I think will be one of the hardest parts of the whole awful process. Thanks again for your posts, they've really made me feel like life can go on.

user0798655788433 Fri 31-Mar-17 08:27:20

I'm so sorry for the slow response... I imagine you may have your results now from your harmony test? We actually had inconclusive results the first time, so had to wait another ten days I think before we received the conclusive news. The amino however was much quicker, just a few days. How are you feeling? Please do let me know if you have any questions at all x

user0798655788433 Fri 31-Mar-17 08:41:31

Also I just wanted to add, that I was very fortunate to conceive again quite quickly afterwards, and am now in the final weeks of my third trimester, with what they believe is a low risk baby. After having been through the tests before, we were offered everything again. However, when the scans suggested we were low risk, we decided not to go through with them, as we wanted to try and enjoy the pregnancy this time. I just wanted to share this with you, as for the three months afterwards, it felt like all my friends were announcing their healthy pregnancies, and i found it so difficult. Whenever my husband and I tried to do something nice together, at some point I would inevitably break down again in tears, and started to feel like it would never happen for us. Obviously I knew it was irrational, but with all the hormones and grief, I just could not help feeling this way. Anyway, conceiving again has really helped me move on. But I talk about my first baby all the time and I will never ever forget about them or the experience. I really hope you and your partner get through this together, one day at a time. If I can help at all, then please do let me know.

batfish Mon 03-Apr-17 09:33:26

Hi user0798655788433 - thanks for sharing your story and for the update. We have just had the news that our baby has Down syndrome and after a heartbreaking couple of weeks in limbo where we have been discussing options whilst waiting for results we have come to the decision to terminate. I am 16 weeks today. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I am sure everything will be perfect for you this time and you will have your happy ending.

Sugarplum1234 everything crossed that you get the all clear from your tests. 1 in 10 is a 90% chance that everything will be fine, I really hope that is the case for you.

Chyrsalis2017 Mon 12-Jun-17 17:51:17

Dear user1455661447, thank you for sharing your story and sharing your experience of the surgical termination. We found ourselves in a very similar situation, I am 33 and we have received the news (via harmony test and then confirmed through amnio) that our baby has DS. We have an older child, and having her and my husband in my life has been an immense support going through this. I spent a few days deliberating between medical and surgical termination, and eventually decided to go through the surgery after having met the surgeon earlier today. I am also going through this at 16 weeks, so the process should be similar to what you have experienced (I hope!). Never had any surgeries in the past, feeling scared and guilty, not sure what to expect tomorrow, your post has really helped me, thanks for sharing.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Mon 12-Jun-17 17:59:18

I'm so sorry.

I had a termination at 14 weeks because of health reasons. It was a very much wanted pregnancy. Physically I was fine, I went through BPAS, I was under general anesthetic and felt totally fine the whole time, emotionally though, I've been a bit of a wreck, I've was self harming for a few weeks and have been generally depressed. It's been 3 months now and I'm feeling a lot better, I still hate what I did but I know I had no choice and I'm beginning to accept that.

I really hope you get through all this alright. My thoughts are with you.

Whitraj Tue 13-Jun-17 13:41:17

Hello I have just had a postive cvs result for downs and am devastated. The results are 100% accurate aren't they?

BlahBlahBlahEtc Tue 13-Jun-17 20:02:10

I think they are 100%. You have my deepest sympathies flowers

Hopelessat30 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:07:23

I'm going to answer honestly.

I had a termination at 17 weeks. It was only after the termination that I realised just how formed the foetus was.

For me personally it really isn't morally acceptable. I'm just being honest.

It's a horrible situation to be in but for me the abortion process caused long term mental health problems that will never leave me. it's just a little too advanced I feel.

Physically the abortion wasn't too bad. I was out to sleep so didn't feel anything and woke up with pain relief. Physically I was okay.

Whitraj Tue 13-Jun-17 20:55:49

Thank you for your honesty and your opinion. I am 13 + 6 and so a little less far gone. I am utterly devastated by my results but for our family a tfmr is the best for us. I asked the screening midwife and she also confirmed that cvs is 100% accurate. The sadness for me is the worst. 🌺

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now