Help

[Mama1980]

I don't know what to do or think. I found out I am pregnant yesterday I had ds now 4 following a car crash very prem at 26 weeks. We are both ok now but I have lingering back and leg issues and recently had my
Hips re pinned. This pregnancy is a complete shock I saw my gp today who confirmed I am about 6 weeks along. I also spoke with my consultant and he is extremely concerned that having a baby will do severe damage to my spine and legs it could even be dangerous with the operation pins and tissue still so raw as the baby grows. He says I need to think seriously about what I want to do from here, words like bleeding and paralysis were mentioned. I feel sick I was happy last night shocked but happy but now..... I don't even know what I'm asking I just need to write this down. Dp wants the baby but not at the expense of me and our life together. I can't discuss this in rl yet I haven't told anyone.

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

Hello OP
I do not have any direct experience of your situation but I used to work for //www.dppi.org.uk
We often had calls from women with complex medical issues who were pregnant.
They may be able to point you in the right direction for specialist advice.
I think you should speak to an obstetrician who works with high risk women before making decisions.
I am sorry you have had such a shock and wish you the best

[TeaDr1nker]

Sorry, u don't say which consultant u spoke to. Was it the consultant who looked after u after accident or obstetrician.

[Mama1980]

Thanks for replying. Mrsdevere I will look at the link thank you.
I spoke with my usual consultant who I have known 4 years he deals with my bones mostly but he called a colleague obstetrician before speaking to me again.

[TeaDr1nker]

I only ask because as Ohi said, obstetricians r skilled in high risk pregnancies, u may have to be treated at a specialist centre (don't know where u r), but we have dealt with women with major cardiac issues and whilst I'm not saying u will be ok, my point is that if all the right people are on board talking to each other then it is possible to have a successful pregnancy even if u r high risk. Good luck.

[Mama1980]

Hi thanks I have been to the hospital today and spoken to a obstetrician. I am being referred to a hospital in London.

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

I am sorry it's all a bit scary but perhaps it's positive?
Have they told you who and why them? If they have experience they may be much more positive about the pregnancy.
A different situation but when my dd had a complication during treatment her consultant said it was rare and panicked.
When we saw a neuro he told us he saw it all the time and really put my mind at rest. It was still serious but managable.
Hope it's ok for you

[Mama1980]

Thanks for replying world just seems to have gone a little crazy today. Ob guy today was very pessimistic, but he is referring me to another orthopaedic dr and obstetrician who specialise in high risk cases. The main concern seems to be that the pressure of the pregnancy on my spine would cause either a rupture or further damage to my nerves/legs. They used a lot of medical terminology thanks for taking the time to reply, I just can't talk to anyone in real life yet. I have been using this site a bit-I posted when i suspected I was pregnant-and have found it very helpful and kind.

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

I really feel for you. How horrible to be all happy and then have such difficult news

It's really important you understand what is going on. Write down your questions, take someone with you if you can and ask the medics to explain terminology.
drs can forget that not everyone understands their language.

There are lovely people on the pregnancy boards who have had to make very difficult decisions. I am sure you will find support from those who understand.

When is the appointment?

[Mama1980]

The appointment is Friday, they are rushing me through as obviously if this just cannot work then time is important. actually want to throw up just writing that.

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

You poor thing. It's just awful for you. Everything crossed for some positive news. If you feel able, please let us know how you get on.
Can you keep busy tomorrow, do something nice?

[Mama1980]

I have a 4 year old ds and dd 14 we can't go out cause of hips etc but they'll keep me distracted thank goodness. I will try to let you know, trying to stay away from google right now

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

Please don't google.
It really won't help.
Take care and keep a pen and paper handy to jot down any questions you want to ask.
I had a similar age gap with ds1and2 and they kept me very busy

[Mama1980]

Hi well pretty bad news today- specialists are very concerned, tbh they recommended terminating they said I could have another baby just not right now obviously if I decide to go ahead then there are lots of possible treatments all of which include a lot of hope and no pain medication. The meds I am
On now may have harmed the baby there is no way to know this early but I have to stop them all. My partner has sperm issues so we thought we would need further treatment to even get pregnant

[Elderflowergranita]

I'm so sorry to hear this, your head (and heart) must be reeling from all this news.

It sounds like decisions must be made fairly quickly on this, given that they are now telling you to stop all meds, which I'm sure have very painful implications for you.

One very positive thing is that they have said you can have a baby in the future, should you decide not to continue with this pregnancy. It seems to have happened at a very critical time in your recovery.

I'm not in any way trying to tell you what to do - you've through the mill, to put it mildly over the past few years. You need to do what is right for your family right now - for you, your partner and your precious ds.

Many of us here have faced very difficult decisions regarding much wanted pregnancies. Speaking totally for myself (obviously!) I focused on the people who were here with me right now, ie my husband and children and what their needs were, and indeed perhaps selfishly, what I felt able to cope with myself.

There are no easy answers here, only the way that is right for you, after all you have been through, your ds who must be a lively 4 year old and your dp.

I know you will find a way through this, for all of you. x

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

I am so sorry
You have to make the decision that is right for you.
It must be very hard for you right now. I wish there was something I could say to help.
I suppose you have to decide fairly soon?

[Mama1980]

Thanks you both so much for replying. I just cannot believe this is happening. yes I do need to decide fairly soon, I would need to stop my medication and recovery measures like physio and exercises. Or if the other option obviously the sooner the better. Dp wants option two, he is devastated but thinks I shouldn't jeopardise my recovery and that my ds/dd need me now. Just in case u are wondering why I don't talk of the birth of dd she is my goddaughter though I have raised her and have a sgo. She has been through hell, I hate the thought of causing her more Pain. Dp would support me no matter what. Have been sick so many times today, I just can't think.

[Mama1980]

Elderflower I am so sorry you have been in a similar situation. X
Mrs de vere I'm sorry I'm new here and I don't know your story I don't want to not comment on your experiences but would hate to cause any hurt. I truely hope all is well. X

[Elderflowergranita]

Hope you get some rest mama. You will do what is best for you and your family, as we all do. And the cliche is true - time heals all wounds. Please be good to yourself.

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

We have one thing in common, my ds2 is not my birth child, he has been with me since he was 8 weeks (my great nephew) SGOs were not available then so we adopted him when he was two.
I understand your desire to protect dd from further trauma. I feel that way about ds.
I have not had to deal with the situation you describe or similar. I hav been very lucky in that respect.
I lost my dd to cancer when she was 14.
I hope you don't mind me commenting on your thread, I have no advice to give or experience to share. I just feel for you.
I am sorry you have faced this too elder
It's all so unfair.

[Mama1980]

Oh mrs de vere I'm so very sorry to hear about your daughter. I definitely don't mind you replying. It really helps to write things down and feel a little bit less alone if that makes sense.
Thanks again elderflower.
I managed to get a few hours sleep. My dr is going to be calling Monday morning so we have the weekend to make a decision really, they said to take as much time as we need but the longer we debate the worst each option will become. I know logically what I should do but even the thought...... and there is a chance if the 12 week scan showed all was well the further risks would be mostly to me not the baby, but they are pretty crappy odds of no major problems for me at all..... I'm sorry I'm rambling now but I have no one in rl to talk to, I mean I do but I can't I can just see their face when I say I'm pregnant and then, I just couldn't face explaining.

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

Mama have you seen the thread for women facing terminations for medical reasons?
You may not be ready to post on there but I am sure you would get a lot of support whatever decision you make.
But you ramble on here as much as you need to.

[Mama1980]

Hi mrs de vere no I haven't seen that thread could you point me in the right direction please? Thank you. I have just tried to keep distracted today

[Pizdets]

Hi mama so sorry to hear what you'be been through. I set up the thread about tfmr, please come talk to us if you want to. It's near the top of the list, on phone so can't link to to it. It's a really horrible time and thinking of you.

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/1540586-Termination-for-medical-reasons-support-thread

I hope the link works.
Take care sweetheart.

[Mama1980]

Thanks mrs de Vere I have joined the thread xxx