I don't post that much on AIBU cos I am mostly scared of most of you! But I do want to know truly if I am the only person who feels this way about childbirth/labour/BF-ing?
DS2 born last Wednesday. I am truly happy and blessed now to have two very healthy and gorgeous sons. However, both my childbirth/labour/BF-ing experience have left me feeling quite down and I wonder if I AIBU to feel this way?
DS1 - Got 'sold' all the crap facts about natural labour without pain relief, drugs are bad etc, every woman can BF etc etc. Had very 'aspirational' ideas of how the birth of DS1 would be - birthing pool, calm etc.
Reality is I had a very quick labour. Midwives did not believe I was in labour when I got into hospital. Left screaming on the floor in waiting room. Got into delivery suite, 7cm dilated, I was completely hazy with pain (can't remember the details of what happened next TBH). DS1 was in distress with each contraction. All I remembered was loads of people rushing in, DS1 delivered with ventouse, had a horrendous 48 hours in hospital with no support, no help with BF-ing. Struggled with BF-ing big-time, got told over and over again what I was going through was normal. As a background, I have a pituitary tumour that messes with my hormones and could be the reason why I struggled so much with BF-ing. Tried to get every help I could with it and even the BF-ing counsellor told me in the end to use formula and was so concerned with my state of mind (I was crying all the time cos I felt I 'failed' as a mother by not being able to BF) that she called my HV to come and see me. In the end I was very depressed for at least 6 months after DS1's birth and did not enjoy that time with him.
DS2 - Definitely wanted pain relief of some sort. Again, got to hospital late. Midwifes believe me this time about how quick everything is happening (as one of the midwives know me fairly well). Asked for pain relief straightaway and instead of giving it straight to me, the midwives tried to use gas and air as a 'bargaining' tool and held off giving it to me!
Realised straightaway gas and air is another 'con', I was in so much pain. Midwives kept telling me I was doing well and refused to give me any other pain relief. Shouted to them I could feel DS2's head but was not believed till DH shouted to them that I wasn't lying! My waters didn't break and the midwives thought my waters will break first so again, got caught unawares.
DS2 born last Wednesday, Friday I felt a lot of pressure underneath and had an emergency callout with the midwife and got diagnosed with a vaginal prolapse. Got told I wouldn't get to see a gyne for another 2-3 weeks on the NHS. Luckily DH has private healthcare and we are going down that route on Monday. Trust me, if you have a vaginal prolapse, you do not want to WAIT to see a doctor. Again, struggling with BF-ing. DH spotted that DS2 is tongue tied like DS1, confirmed by the midwife who came on the first day.
I just feel so depressed by the whole thing. I really feel I was 'mis-sold' everything about childbirth and BF-ing! I've never even heard of a vaginal prolapse before it happened to me. I know I am VERY, VERY lucky that I have two beautiful boys and that I am 'healthy' (relatively speaking) but I wished someone had warned me the 'reality' of having two natural childbirths so close together. And now to be struggling with a vaginal prolapse and BF-ing at the same time, I can almost feel the old depression that swamped so much of my early days with DS1 coming back... I have a very close friend who has had an elective C-section cos she didn't want to feel labour pains and I used to think what a wimp she was and though it wasn't by choice, I felt kinda proud of having had DS1 completely naturally.
Now I just feel cheated and angry. So what if I had two vaginal births and only with gas and air with the second one? My body is seriously f*ed up. I have women issues only faced by old women... While my friend with the C-section has no issues as far as I know other than a scar... So AIBU????????????????????
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AIBU?
To feel 'conned' by the whole natural childbirth/labour and breastfeeding hardsell?
83 replies
angel1976 · 08/11/2009 12:04
OP posts:
sarah293 ·
08/11/2009 13:26
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