to be feeling utterly exhausted by DD2 and her list of complaints?

[EccentricaGallumbats]

This morning

I'm tired
The toothpaste is too minty
My toothbrush has scratched my gums
I feel sick
My foot hurts
I hate PE
I feel sick
I can't do PE my foot hurts
I can't find my planner
I feel sick
I hate XXXX
My foot hurts
I can't do PE my foot hurts
I'm tired
My toast is too cooked
I feel sick
XXXX is horrble
I hate my french teacher
My foot hurts
I feel sick
I can't find my blaizer
It's cold
I'm tired
I feel sick
I hate school
I hate french
I hate science
I hate PE
I hate xxx
I hate you
I feel sick

etc etc etc etc etc etc etc

Her foot hurts beause she was stamping around in a temper on monday. since then she has been out riding her bike, walking, running, dancein etc so not really hurt.
Her bag, breakfast, planner, school books and blaiser were in their usual places
I had the heating on so it wasn't cold.
If she went to sleep a bit earlier she wouldn't be so tired.
If she stopped bloody complaining about everything all the bloody time she might realise that her life isn't that bad after all.

I ignore all the above, and have been doing so for years and years.
I acknowlege her moans, I sometimes agree with her. I witter on inanely to try and distract her. I don't give in and let her stay in bed and never have.

What the bloody hell do I do with her?

[stillfrazzled]

Oh dear. I so feel for you. Am currently dealing with a 2yo who occasionally whines and it is an OFFENCE. So can't imagine what that level of vocabulary and complaining would do to me!

Short of running out of the house screaming I don't know what to suggest. Liked the suggestion (poss from Libby Purves?) that you claim your ears are fitted with 'whine filters' so you can't hear anything said in that tone of voice.

They don't believe you, she says, but may play along anyway if you're convincing...

[IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern]

Oh gosh how old is she dd is 6 and this sounds like a normal morning with her please tell me it doens't go on forever I was hoping she would grow out of it.

[PeppermintCream]

Watching this thread, Dd1 is exactly the same. This morning even her hair hurt!

[starwhoreswonaprize]

My ds was like this for nearly two years and then he changed schools and I have my happy boy back. Just a thought. If I had asked him what was wrong I don't know if he knew that it was school making him unhappy but it very clearly was.

[Mybox]

It's annoying isn't it - some days - no matter what I say it's a complaining moment for some of my kids.

ds I want a nesquik in a cup with a lid
Me - you can have one in cup in the kitchen
ds - no - general complaining

Me - It's whatever for dinner tonight
ds/dd3 - oh no - hate it (when they have enjoyedthe meal before)

me - it's cold put a jumper on (today ds had a tee-shirt on)
ds - no
me - go outside to see how cold
ds - returns from the garden but wont put on a jumper or a coat
me - general rant about being cold at school. Then say that he can go like that but I will explain to the teacher it's his choice not mine.
ds - later on puts on jumper & coat

Me - lets play outside
ds/dd3 - no plus whining
Me - let's play inside
ds/dd - no - whining

Why does this happen.......

[starwhoreswonaprize]

Alternatively read 'talk so your kids will listen', it's all about validating their complaint, listening, understanding and talking so that they find their own solutions.

IE 'Mum, I hate science'
Mum : Do you? What's the worst bit?
DC: All of it
Mum: So do you have it today? What are you studying?
DC: Darwin.
Mum: Oh, so dull to find out how we evolved

and so on....
Use fantasy too, you could say how you will invent a time machine so she'll miss the lesson.

[zazen]

You could try repeating every thing she says back to her?
And laugh!

Or video her and play it back to her.

Remind her that when she's older she'll have forgotten all about her strops, but that you won't have, and that's it's unpleasant to live with someone with a foul temper.

It must be very wearing for you.

She sounds sleep deprived TBH - any chance of getting her into bed earlier?

Thank goodness for gin

[hobbgoblin]

My DD is next to me. She is off with a sore neck (and if this turns out to be an exaggerated sore neck then there will be trouble!)

She has just seen this post. She is 9. I said it was about her. She read the list and said "but I don't say I hate you". I told her it wasn't about her then, but it was VERY like her. We just looked at each other.

[troutpout]

yanbu...I'm exhausted just reading it !

Does she even know she's whinging? How old is she? Would something like a reward chart work...reward for getting ready in the morning without whinging?


Can you make her giggle easily? Ds is one of the grumpiest children ever...but i can usually make him laugh somehow and that seems to break the overall feeling of despair(honestly it's like the end of the world is nigh or something some mornings)

[BalloonSlayer]

With DS1 (9) I get the utter victim act.

DS1: Can I have some chocolate?
Me: Not now, tea's nearly ready. Have some afterwards.
DS1: Can we have pizza for tea?
Me: Well, no, teas nearly ready and we're having XXX. We'll have pizza another day.
DS1: You never give us ANYTHING we like to eat.

Or

DS1: Can X come home for tea tonight?
Me: Sorry, not tonight, we've got to do Y. I'll talk to his mum and arrange another day.
DS1: There's no point me having any friends! You NEVER let me see them!

I could go on...

[Mybox]

ballonslayer - that happens here as well!

[EccentricaGallumbats]

thank goodnes for gin indeed.

she is 11 and is a general moaner and complainer. i think i have had that exact same science conversation as starwhore.

she goes to bed at 9 and is straight to sleep. gets up at 6.30. not that she needs to get up until 7 but she feels she needs the extra half hour to moan and obsess and be miserable.

i have considered videoing her, to show the psychlogist person we are seeing in November as when she gets assessed or seen by people she suddenly acts all normal and bright and happy.

it is obviously me she reacts to but i have no idea why as i've done what the books say. i talk to her. i listen. i ignore the bad and reward the good and it makes not a jot of difference.

[TrillianSlasher]

At least half of those complaints can be responded to with 'it's your planner, it's where you left it' or ' why don't you make the toast so it's exactly the way you want it?'

Sounds very draining for you.

[Jux]

Kids huh. Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em.

[EccentricaGallumbats]

and that is what i say. even after she has shouted the same complaint for the 9th time. in a nice calm voice. i don't shout back (umnless i'm very hormonal and pissed off) after many years i have realised shouting back really doesn't help.

DD 'WHERE'S MY PLANNER? IT'S NOT WHERE I LEFT IT. SOMEONE'S MOVED IT. I LEFT IT IN MY BOX ETC ETC'

ME 'It is where you left it DD. Check your bag and your box'

DD 'SOMEONE HAS MOVED IT RANT RANT SCREECH'

ME '.........'

repeat. Planner then found in box or bag where she left it

move on to next complaint.

[stressedHEmum]

Your DD and my DS3 (12) were obviously separated at at birth. HE has been like that since he was tiny and it's not getting any better. Drives you crazy doesn't it, especially all the fake illness complaints just to try and get to stay in bed. And all the "Where's my....." I usually just say "Where you left it."

When he was in school, all the carry on used to make us late every day and not just a little bit late, either.

I haven't any words of wisdom, sorry. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this and that I understand what it is like.

[bumpybecky]

Eccentrica, I've got an 11 yo just like that. Herr favourite line is 'I don't understand why I have to....

go to bed
pick my coat up
do my homework
put my shoes away
put my laundry in the basket
clean my teeth
eat this rubbish
clear my plate away
pick up my pens
eat
breathe etc etc

I reckon we should do a swap. I think my dd1 would be much better with another Mum for a week, she'd be too shy to yell for the frist few days

[Trikken]

I have this and ds is only three,

DS Can I have a drink?
ME Yes of course
(struggles to get off sofa as pregnant and sofa seems to have sucked me in)whilst doing so
DS I want a drink
ME DS, its please may I have a drink and im getting it for you now ok.

after I've put his drink on the table
DS I want a straw
ME we havent got any straws darling.
DS We have mummy
ME we havent got any poppet.
DS I want a straw!!

after about two mins of this conversation being repeated over and over I get

DS mummy I cant drink it, my mug is too full (it isnt, it is actually less than the amount he normally has)
ME its only half full, you normally manage with that ok.
Ds NOO! it is too Full Mummy!
ME ok, (drinks a little)
DS my mug is tooo heavy!! but yet he is still holding it up in the air.

gaa you can never win.

[zazen]

Sometimes, I just hold up my hand and say "enough"! And I smile, get a giggle.

I think it's important for my DD to know that I have had enough, and that I'm not going to, and absolutely cannot, tolerate any more whinging.
I hope it sets boundaries, and that is a lesson worth learning?

Can you try switching the fuses one night, so that you have "no electricity"? Have dinner by candle light - some interesting conversations might come out of the altered environment?
And all go to bed early!

You say you're going to a psychologist, but that she's street angel by then, so I think, in order to be of help to her, you do need to video her. Print off this thread.
or try writing down everything she says on a clip board!!

Best of luck with it all, and keep us updated - my DD is 5 and sometimes acts the maggot, but I try and giggle her out of it

[Romanarama]

My ds2 is the same. I have found "How to Talk so Kids will Listen etc...." very helpful and would recommend it.

Sometimes I just put my fingers in my ears and say I'm not listening until everyone stops whinging, smiles, and tells me how beautiful I am though. They still do it and it makes them laugh .

[PixiNanny]

When me and my sisters did this my Mum would ignore us. However I do remember her repeating everything after us once, shut us up for a few weeks. Try complaining back at her, as in repeating what she says, in the same tone of voice, etc. And videoing/voice recording would be a brilliant idea. Make it sneaky though, she'll play up for the camera.

[moonmother]

Oh My God!

I have a 9 year old dd like this- she too is like this most days.

I too despair over what I am going to do with her.

Also at the moment my bright, articulate child (always been a moaner) has turned into a complete airhead- forgetting things, forgetting/ignoring basic requests, and doing incredibly silly things.

We've actually videoed her- she found it hilarious- just didn't make the slightest difference.

I may try the copying route- might make her think.

Has your DD just moved up to secondary school ? EccentricaGallumbats - my DD has just moved up to Middle school, and we were wondering if it has something to do with the increased moaning and 'airheadedness'. That she has so much more to 'process' brainwise during the day that it's making her tired and miserable.

We're hoping that after half-term she'll have settled into the new routine and things will get easier, and back to normal- with less moaning

[Sourdough]

DD1 is a moany old whingebag (aged almost 15)
DD2 rallies against my authority continually
DH combines the two.

Wher's the joy in life?

[scaryteacher]

Having reached the dizzy heights of a very nearly 14 yo ds, I deal with it by making him pack his bag and have everything ready in the hall the night before. Thus, if stuff isn't there, it is his fault and his responsibility, as he must have moved it.

'I feel sick' gets go to the school nurse then if you feel bad'.

'I hate x teacher' gets 'I don't suppose they like you much either if you are like this in class. I wouldn't want to teach you.'

'I hate xxx subject' gets 'Welcome to the real world. I hate washing up, picking up after you'.

He also gets told that a whinge on the odd occasion is fine, but to whinge all the time isn't.

You ignore it and ignore some more and talk about something else. You know when it's serious and when it isn't. Mimicking it is fun, I use to do this with certain choice members of my tutor group when they were being complete PITAs, and to see a then 39 yo doing her very best impression of a grumpy teenager worked a treat. I have been there, done that, and according to my mum was bloody good at it, so they got a real treat. They stopped moaning after that as they could see what twits they looked, especially the hair flicking, and the hands on hip whilst bending one knee and trying to look 'ard bit!

Ds is improving, so it does get better honest!

[Pyrocanthus]

I picked up some tips on helping new year 7s get organized from here in the summer, and packing the bag the night before is one that my DD has stuck to. Really helps in the morning. Thanks, scaryteacher, if that was your tip.

Sympathy is all I have to offer, Eccentrica; my DD isn't so far down the knackered and hormonal path yet, but I'm sure she'll catch up soon.

I must get the How to Talk.. book out of the library again. It makes you want to talk to your children in a Californian accent (did me, anyway), but there is some good stuff in there.