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To feel angry at ignorant parents who don,t reply to my texts to arrange playdates

(85 Posts)
worzil Tue 01-Sep-09 14:37:05

Because at the moment I just don,t understand it and have tried to work it out but can,t.
My ds is an only doesn,t have opportunity to play with any neighbourhood children at all.
So I try and arrange for school mates to come sometimes he is 8.
Well I feel as though all of my efforts have been fruitless during the holidays I have text a fair few people to try and get my ds together with theirs to no avail as they seem to ignore my texts even when I have offered to take their dc out with my dc for the day.
So what is it.
Could it be that they are too busy to reply to a text for gods sake.
Their dc's don,t want to come
They are just downright rude.
They can,t be bothered reciprocating to my ds although I don,t expect it although it would be nice.
Maybe they think I am weird or something.
I to be honest think they are just downright rude and I feel like saying stuff to them but my ds still wants to see their dc's so I feel rotten about it.
Some of these are friends that my ds had from his old infant school and I am thinking that they don,t see the point any longer in maintaining my ds's and their ds's relationship.
However I have had the same with friends at his current school.
I just feel put out and truly rotten my ds has asked for people I have text them, no reply ds will say phone them I don,t like to as I don,t want to look pushy.
Honestly what is the problem I would be delighted if someone text me for ds to come and play or if they offered to take him out and would jump at it but maybe I don,t have the great socail life lined up for ds that they have for theirs I just don,t know.
Perhaps I am just bothering them too much and should leave it be.
Is it just me or what.
Why do they ignore me maybe they are not really chummy enough with ds to play outside school however I figure that by arranging playdates it could encourage more solid friendships.
I feel so down about it tbh my ds has spent alot of time on his own during the holidays.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 01-Sep-09 14:39:37

Calling them ignorant won't help.

There is a million reasons why they haven't answered and none might be about you.

I haven't seen a soul or holiday but I am not bothered. The parents are not my friends so I wouldn't expect them to have my son over.

wishingchair Tue 01-Sep-09 14:41:05

They might be on holiday

They might not have reception

They might rarely use their phones

They might be working/busy


If you're that keen, pick up the phone and actually try to talk to them instead of taking lazy text way out.

ginormoboobs Tue 01-Sep-09 14:42:04

Maybe their children have outside of school friends and school friends.
Arrogant , not ignorant (sorry , it's a pet hate blush).

sunburntats Tue 01-Sep-09 14:42:43

change of fone,
at work unable to answer there and then
already pre arranged childcare weeks in advance if working
already out, will text back later...then forgot

erm, running out of ideas now.

its upsetting i know, but i think that you are making a bit much of it tbh. dont expect anything from any one, just accept that people are busy.

worzil Tue 01-Sep-09 14:44:30

I can,t help it whether people are on holiday, at work, they usally get their texts whats the harm in replying even if to say no sorry.
I do think its rude.
Do you think I need to be great mates with the parents of ds's friends for him to have regular mates.
I have wondered if this is the problem.

hocuspontas Tue 01-Sep-09 14:45:38

SPEAK don't text.

worzil Tue 01-Sep-09 14:47:52

I just feel discouraged about it.
I am not been lazy by texting wishing, I think its less intrusive and gives people time to think what they are doing before they reply.

Pikelit Tue 01-Sep-09 14:48:11

Whatever you do, don't let your child catch your acute case self-pity. It's the summer holidays. People are busy with other things. Why do you need to arrange "playdates" anyway? Isn't there a neighbourhood park/swimming pool/playground that children can be taken to for less formal holiday fun?

LadyGlencoraPalliser Tue 01-Sep-09 14:49:33

Why don't you phone them in the first place? Texting is sloppy and rude IMO.

Callisto Tue 01-Sep-09 14:50:20

Worzil - unless you know someone well enough to arrange things via text, I actually think it is a cop-out and a lazy way to try and arrange things. My friends and I all mail each other to arrange get togethers for our children (I don't have a mobile phone so texting is not a part of my life, thank goodness), but if I wanted to arrange something like this with a person I didn't know so well I would definitely call first. I don't think you need to be good friends with another child's parents, but I do think that you need to be on reasonable terms to arrange things by text.

TheFallenMadonna Tue 01-Sep-09 14:50:21

Oh yes. You should try talking to people rather than texting. I've rarely had my phone charged during the holidays.

<goes to charge phone...>

GrungeBlobPrimpants Tue 01-Sep-09 14:50:58

Most people don't initiate these things by text though. It's discussed either face to face or by phone - maybe text afterwards eg to arrange collection time, but even that's unusual I'd say. But I'm not a texting person.

Pikelit Tue 01-Sep-09 14:51:09

Especially if U R txtng thse ppl and not even conversing properly.

sunburntats Tue 01-Sep-09 14:51:22

All you want is company for your son.

I get what it is you are sying, but really, dont expect that much from people that really you dont know from Adam. You are setting yourself and your son up for great disapointment.

MrsBadger Tue 01-Sep-09 14:51:33


ring them - it is no 'pushier' than repeated texting and much politer. Then you could have a nice conversation with them too.
You don't need to be 'great mates' with them but it does help if you have a friendly relationship.

how often are you texting them? are you using real words? some people really don't understand txtspk abbreviations

TheDMshouldbeRivened Tue 01-Sep-09 14:52:20

Phone them up and chat as people. I hate texts.

moopymoo Tue 01-Sep-09 14:53:22

texting lazy and a bit naff unless you are 17. I generally dont reply to unsolicited texts. ring me if you have something to say!ditto my phone is rarely charged during hols - it is for My convenience not Yours. (rant over)

worzil Tue 01-Sep-09 14:54:27

Yes but me and ds never see any of his mates there.
I just get fed up of parents who promise that ds can come to theirs and it never comes off leaving ds upset.
I have truly put alot into having his freinds here and it doens,t seem to get us anywhere.

MrsBadger Tue 01-Sep-09 14:57:12

so you invite his friends over and they come
but they don't invite him back however much you text them? hmm

I'd let it go to be honest - school's about to start anyway and there'll be a whole new round of parties and playdates. When you see them smile and ask if they had good holidays - don't let your annoyance about this summer poison the new term.

Blu Tue 01-Sep-09 14:57:45

My DS is also an only child, and I do sympathise because they do like to see thier school friends.

I would:

Call, not text. In talking you can ascertain when they might be available, and when in childcare, on hol etc. If they get a text saying 'can X play today' if the answer is no because they are half way up Snowden then they may assume there is no point replaying by the time they read the message as you will have found someone else. TALK, plan ahead a few days.
Plan in advance: before the summer hols started, I chatted to lots of DS's friends mothers and found out who was on hol when, and whether I could be a help in offering childcare by having their children to play on any days I wasn't working.
Research other activities that happen over the sumer hols - such as cubs / woodcraft folk / football clubs and camps. By 8 children are often happy to take part in things like this rather than be at home, and you are not dependent on mothers.
Get to know other mothers, if you don't already. They may feel unenthusiastic about letting children come to yours if they don't know you. Do you have children to play in term time?

Good luck - it is sad to see your child with no-one to play with in the hols.

Clary Tue 01-Sep-09 14:58:33

Callisto - I don't have a phone either! so not an issue for me.

But I would agree with others who say - phone and leave a message or even have an actual chat. It's not pushy if you have someone's number to ring them.

That's what I've done this hols to arrange the 2 or 3 pals we've had over.

I did email one pal but explained it was because I couldn't find her number!

Please don't get upset - agree, is there a local park where everyone goes - you might find a pal or 2 there?

Blu Tue 01-Sep-09 15:00:42

OK, cross posted.

Some parents find it harder to host playdates for a huge variety of reasons. Don't worry about reciprocity, just have the kids to yours, often!
And yes, be friendly and breezy not sullen or stand-offish as the new term starts, however rude you feel they have been.

worzil Tue 01-Sep-09 15:01:59

Although I am not great mates with the people I text we do have a good natter on the occasions that I have dropped their dc back home. I do have a reasonably friendly relationship with them and texting has usually worked okay in the past.
I suppose I think that if they don,t reply to my texts then its because they can,t be bothered and I would hate to spring up by phone hounding them to death I mean if the no reply is because their ds doesn,t really want to see my ds then I would feel I was putting them on the spot.
I would hate them to think god we can,t get rid of her so I just text hoping for a reply.

katiestar Tue 01-Sep-09 15:06:06

YANBU.I think it is terribly rude to not even reply.

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