To not allow DD2 to go on this trip and say no to my friend?

[lettuceinthegarden]

A friend of mine rung up this morning to say she was going on a day trip to France at the end of August with her DP an DD. She then went on and told me she'd bought a ticket for DD2 to go with them (she's 8).

Feelings about it at the moment are:

• I don't feel happy letting her go tbh. I rung and told DH and he said there is no way she is going.
• Friend has never mentioned it before and is only telling me after she's booked it.
• She lives round the corner, so I can't say we're going away as she'd see!
• Don't really know her new DP and not sure I want DD with them for the day in France ( There is a story behind that but I don't think its necessary to post that here).

Just want advice really. AIBU to not let DD2 go?
I feel a bit of a meany now i've posted this but I just don't feel comfortable with it.

How do I tell her? She's can be quite fierce and secretly, I am scared of her or saying no

[PestoMonster]

Tell her your dd's passport has expired.

[englishpatient]

Maybe you could say you have another day out (somewhere!) booked? I think it is very unreasonable of your friend to buy a ticket without asking you first.

[thisisyesterday]

well, it's hard to say whether or not you're being overprotective or unreasonable in that sort of way without knowing the full story.

but, you are her mum. and if you aren't happy with her going then that's totally your choice.
just say no.
if you feel yuoo need an excuse say you have a birthday party to go to or something.

[hereidrawtheline]

I understand how you feel but I would never allow DS to go to another country due to mainly peer pressure. She had no right buying the ticket without asking you first it is far too presumptuous. The onus is on her, not you.

[StealthPolarBear]

weird that she'd buy the ticket without checking first - is she usually quite overbearing?

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

I'd go for the passport expiry aswell. There's no way I'd want my son to go this far with someone I barely know. They should have asked you first.

[lettuceinthegarden]

StealthPolarBear - she is. Awfully so. And she is very hard to say no to. She's shouted at parents in the playground and even shouted at their teacher last year.

[lettuceinthegarden]

Would the passport expiry thing work though? We used the passports last year and DD is only 8. Wouldn't she get suss if I say it's expired when her DD's hasn't?

[wonderingwondering]

Has she been for days out with this family before? If you know them well, it's perhaps not such an outrageous thing for her to have included your DD. But I would have checked first! Going abroad is different though, and I understand your reluctance.

I'd just phone her and say thank you for the 'offer' (pretend to misunderstand she's got the ticket!) but you think DD is too young to go abroad without her parents. Not unreasonable at all and it avoids having to make up stories.

Booking her a ticket probably means they've booked the car on the ferry and there's a seat in it for your DD, not an additional expense, anyway.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

seems weird your friend didnt mention buying the ticket before

yanbu to not want your dc to go to another country with someone who you are not sure about

saying passport has expired is a good one

[OhBling]

Why do you need an excuse? Surely a simple, "I'm sorry, I don't think it's such a good idea for DD to go to another country when she's only 8 without me. Thank you for the thought but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on this one this time."

Your friend was entirely out of line buying a ticket for your 8yo dd and so shouldn't be completely surprised when you say no.

DH and I have a friend with a son who's currently 7. DH is already looking forward to taking her DS to some cool music things as her DS is quite musical and his family aren't. But... he will only do it when her DS is older, and only with the specific permission of his parents before it happens. He asked me once, "do you think M will let me take P to a concert when he's a bit bigger?". He didn't make any assumptions, even now?

[PestoMonster]

Lettuce, don't worry about it. It's just a good excuse.

[lettuceinthegarden]

Blondeshavemorefun - this is totally normal for my friend!

She also buys DD2 matching clothes as her DD all the time which I don't like dd to wear as some of them are not what I deem appropriate for 8yr olds!

[katiestar]

Wonder if she really bought it for someone else who has cried off.How are they travelling.You normally just pay for the car and all passengers are included

[lettuceinthegarden]

PestoMonster - It is a good excuse and I want to use it!

She's the type that will ask to see the passport though!

[PestoMonster]

Tell her to bog off it's locked in your safe

[Winetimeisfinetime]

Tell her you can't find your dd's passport.I don't think you should have to make up excuses but at least she can't then demand to check the expiry date if you say it's gone missing. Or would she then demand to do a finger tip search of your house to try and locate it ?

[teamcullen]

I agree with Ohbling. Just tell her you have spoken to DH and you have decided you dont want DD in another country without you.

[lettuceinthegarden]

TBH, I wouldn't put it past her!!

[lou031205]

Arrange to do something else on that day, and tell friend otherwise engaged.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

you have to send off old passport so if she asks for it, say you are very sorry but you havent got it back yet



the slowness of royal mail

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

Try really hard not to make an excuse, otherwise you will always end up making excuses, so she will carry on doing things that you find inappropriate, 'cause you are giving her false messages.

Tell her the truth.