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AIBU?

to be cross that DH has bought DS (4) a Nintendo DS without consulting me?

29 replies

katie3677 · 31/07/2009 22:54

To be fair we are going on a very long journey next week (driving to South of France) so DH has bought this in order to keep DS entertained, however I think he already spends too much time on the Wii, and would rather he made his own entertainment. He already has a DVD player for the journey. So AIBU?

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KingCanuteIAm · 31/07/2009 22:58

Ooh.. you are driving to the south of france? Well, we used to do that when I was small with assorted yunger cousins. I t was hell. With a 4yo I think your dh is right, you will need as many varieties of entertainment as you can manage.

Normally I would agree with you but a car journey that long? It is hot, uncomfortable, nothing to see, nowhere to move... speaking from a childs POV, I would have given anything for some variety on that journey!

If I were you I would let it go for now and tackle screen time when you get back, maybe a fixed amount each day and he can choose wether that is ds, wii, tv, dvd or a combination?

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TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 31/07/2009 22:59

Best thing is to get yourself some good games for it.

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Tidey · 31/07/2009 22:59

As he already has DVDs to watch to keep him entertained, YANBU. It is a rather expensive toy for a four year old to own. My seven year old doesn't look after his NDS all that well, so I'm not sure I'd consider letting a four year old have one.

Is it that you think it's unnecessary as he has other entertainment sorted out, or that your DH bought it without asking what you thought that's bothering you more?

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Surfermum · 31/07/2009 23:03

We did that journey at Whitsun. It's a long, long way. Dd had just had her DS for her 6th birthday and I was so pleased I'd bought it. I agree with KingCanute, tackle the screentime when you get back .

Oh and get a game that you can play too - I really enjoyed doing Brain Training whenever dd had had enough of it.

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KingCanuteIAm · 31/07/2009 23:04

Tidey, do you know how long that journey takes? I don't know many 4yos who will sit still and watch dvds for around 12 hours straight!

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Surfermum · 31/07/2009 23:04

Yeh, I'd be furious if dh had bought something so expensive without consultation .

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TEJQ · 31/07/2009 23:05

Personally I'd say no, YANBU.

I think kids should be held off electronic games for as long as possible. My DS3 didn't get a DS till he was 10, two years ago. My older boys (now 20 and 16) didn't get them or a TV until secondary school age (yes they did exist and yes we could afford them, but felt they were better not given too young) I am probably an old-fashioned 40-something, but electronic toys stunt the ability to play, interest in reading and encourage isolation and lack of activity. That's JMO, I know NDS's are very popular with parents of children as young as 4 who will feel affronted at my comments I imagine.

I see your DH's point re the trip, but I'd be wary how much you let him play on it while driving - my DS3 is banned from the NDS on car journeys because it makes him travel sick. Make sure you have a small washing up bowl in the car and some antibac wipes and disposable gloves to cover possible travel sickness.

If my DS3 doesn't play on his NDS, or watch the in-car DVD he is NEVER travel sick, its definitely the attempt to concentrate on something while in a moving vehicle.

Have a great holiday - we've done that journey a few times, once with a 10-week old, but we do usually stay over somewhere half-way.

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pointydog · 31/07/2009 23:06

Can you not afford it?

If you can afford it, yabu. So what? Really. SO what

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Tidey · 31/07/2009 23:08

I get that, KCIA, but I'm assuming he could look at books, play with other toys and that they will be stopping occasionally? I just don't think children under 6 are old enough for a DS really. I saw a child of about 3 playing with one in a pushchair the other day. It seems like a hell of a 'big' gift to give someone of that age. But maybe it's just me.

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Surfermum · 31/07/2009 23:10

I don't think it's an age thing! I'm 47!! Good point about the travel sickness, but it's not necessarily going to happen to everyone. Dd was fine.

I think it's a bit of a sweeping statement to say they stunt the ability to play. Surely it depends how much they are used? If excessively I'd agree with you, but in moderation they're fine IMO, just like everything else.

Oh and don't worry, I'm not affronted, I just don't agree .

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TEJQ · 31/07/2009 23:12

I'm really surprised several people think the journey is hell, it isn't if you plan it and allow for an overnight in a Premiere Classe or similar. We travel from Manchester, and have done the trip to the Mediterranean coast several times with four kids ranging from 10 weeks old, toddlers, infant school age to 15 years old and never found it a problem.

The people who try to do the whole lot in one go are barking - even if you live in the SE right next to the tunnel.

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KingCanuteIAm · 31/07/2009 23:13

I get that it is a large gift but I do think it is a good reason, if he had bought it because "he played on it in the shop and liked it" or something equally wishy washy I would agree but, as I said, I have done that journey, I can remember it (we did it quite a few times) it really was awful. I wouldn't dream of doing it even with teens who like to sit still all day!

Trying to keep a 4yo amused and still for that length of time is going to be awful IMHO and I think they should have as many strings to their bow as they can

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katie3677 · 31/07/2009 23:15

Part of it is that he didn't consult me over it, and we did have an agreement that DS wouldn't get anything like that until he was alot older. We bought the Wii for ourselves, but haven't even had a look in on it since Christmas! It's not that we can't afford it as he is buying it cheaply from a mate. Yes it is a long journey, but we are staying overnight, and as we also have an 8 month old DD will be stopping every couple of hours.
In the great scheme of things it is not really that important and I will let it go and address screen time when we get back as some of you have suggested.
Thanks for your opinions.

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KingCanuteIAm · 31/07/2009 23:16

TEJO, we tried it several ways, once even doing it over three days to make it bearable - I can state that my memory of it - as a child - is that it was hell.

Being an adult on a long journey is totally different to being a child on a long journey, I am mearly trying to provide a childs POV!

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SomeGuy · 31/07/2009 23:18

Is it a DS or a DSI?

With a DS you'll want one of these:

www.memorycardzoo.com/1684/M3/M3DS-RealRumble-Pack/Standalone-Card/

With a DSI one of these

www.technodevil.co.uk/acatalog/R4i-for-DSi-adapter.html

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skybright · 31/07/2009 23:18

I would be pretty chuffed that my OH was using some forward thinking about the best ways to keep our child happy on a long long journey.

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Surfermum · 31/07/2009 23:19

It wasn't hell, it was just a very long way. Even with our "plans" for stops and an overnight stay at a beautiful campsite. Dh and I loved the drive, the girls were brilliant about it but still, it was a long time to spend just sitting in the campervan. I honestly wouldn't bother again unles we were going for a longer time and had more stops en route.

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IdrisTheDragon · 31/07/2009 23:20

I'd be annoyed if DH did that.

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TEJQ · 31/07/2009 23:20

KCIA, point taken, my family never owned a car so never had hols as a child anywhere you couldn't get a train to.

Can't recall any of my lads complaining particularly, I think the thing they hated most was the time it took to pack the car the day before we went. The journey was usually quite relaxed.

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hmc · 31/07/2009 23:29

What skybright said

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KingCanuteIAm · 01/08/2009 05:40

See when we used to go I never used to complain, how ungrateful would that have been? I would look forward to the holiday so much, I knew my parents needed the holiday as much or more than me, I knew dad worked very hard and this was my one chance in the year to really spend time with him as he did such long hours, so no, I didn't complain or whine about being bored. That doesn't change the fact that each year when it was announced that we were going again I would go cold!

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TEJQ · 01/08/2009 08:57

Ah KCIA, that's where my lot would differ from you - they are boys and as such have no difficulty focusing on their needs first! If they were unhappy about it I'd have heard loud and clear.

DS1 will still come on a Keycamp holiday (did last year) to France even at 20, but last time we went to Florida (when he was 18) he wouldn't come.

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muffle · 01/08/2009 09:10

My DS is just 4 and not really able to manage computer games on his own yet, but I'm looking forward to when he can have something like this to keep him occupied on journeys etc. (Though I agree, I would limit time at home and probably use it as a reward system too... is that bad?)

Like skybright I'd be glad if DP did something like this spontaneously out of consideration for DS - but in our house DP would only do that if he was spending his own cash. If it was a joint account purchase I'd want to be consulted first.

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SoupDragon · 01/08/2009 09:14

"I think he already spends too much time on the Wii"

No, he is allowed to spend too much time on the Wii.

YABU, as others have said - be pleased that your DH is trying to minimise the hellishlness of the journey.

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slowreadingprogress · 01/08/2009 09:19

yabu. A child of four with a Wii and a nintendo. Too much imo. A dvd player for the journey would be enough technology for a 4 year old you would think!

i think rather than doing the journey you want and then trying to buy things for the kids to make them 'fit' the journey, why not make the journey 'fit' the kids and then you can not feel pressured to buy this sort of thing for children so young. If the journey's a nightmare, don't go so far.

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