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AIBU?

to be desperately upset over this or am i just over reacting?

103 replies

notsurewhattobelieve · 30/07/2009 13:19

ok im a reg who's namechanged. some of you will probably guess its me but Dp knows my sign in so didn't want him finding this.

ok, been with DP almost 10 months but we met some 6 months before and had chatted building up to actually taking the step into a relationship from then.

I love him to bits and have been blissfully happy. my kdis adore him and he practically lives here. He tells me he loves me constantly and has never given me any reason to doubt that he does.

here's the bit thats torn my world apart. I have an old friend that found me on facebook. he is a computer hacker as a bit of a hobby and whilst we were joking about and he was teasing me for being so loved up (very out of character) he bascially hacked into Dp's facebook account to try and freak me out with loads of silly details about him. sort of "yeah i know, his birthday is in xx and he drives a xx" sort of thing.
all a bit funny (but yes even though it was meant as a joke i fully appreciate how very wrong this was and said friend and I have already had words)
anyway, joking about was fine but he then stopped and was very serious and told me i needed to speak to Dp about a few things. he wouldn't go into details at first he just said thatthere was something about his recebnt trip abroad ( a stag weekend) that i should know.

After me threatening him with violance he finally told me that there were messages from DP to some woman who lived where teh sdtag do went and he had arranged to meet up with her.

I wasn't sure whether to believe him or not and had decided to just ask Dp if there was anything i should know about the stag.

But the more i thought about it the more it niggled me.

Old friend had always had a bit of a crush on me so (as big headed as it sounds) i thought maybe he was doing thsi to try and split us up?
I managed to send a text to dp by mistake so he got the gist of our conversation and offered up his sign in deatils anyway.

I resisted the urge to look for ages but eventually i did the worst and looked.

I sooo wish i hadn't.

There was indeed a conversation with the woman and he had arranged to meet her when they were away. then another when he got home apologising for not getting the chance to see her. lots of "im so gutted i missed you" "don't worry i'll get back out again soon enough" " i want you to sing for me again"

Ok so he didn't actually meet her but he wanted to and was gutted he didn't.

His side is that she is an old school friend (further checks reveal this to be true) who has lived over there for years so obvioulsy when he went over he wanted to trya nd meet up. fair enough. but why wouldn't he tell me about it first? I know given this thread it'll be hard to believe but i truely am not at all jealous. its just not part of my make up. if he had told me i wouldn't have worried a single bit.

I believe that people only keep something a secret if they know its wrong.

Anyway, next i find a load of messages from an old work colleague. very chatting semi flirty..nothing too out of the ordinary. Until i get to one where she adds an X to the end of a message. he replies " is that big kiss all for me? when do i get it "
her reply is whenever you want it "right now would be good. it's been ages though so i might take the top of your head off"

WE'd been together 6 months at the date of this message and we have the best sex life of anyone i know!!!

more reading and she menations seeing a photo of us together at NYE. she basically implies that im no supermodel and he giggles along. then admits that he "did shag her that night though" and makes out like i was just a one night stand!

He says that it was just office banter and he didn't want them all knowing about me so he didnt tell them anything.
it was all innocent as they both worked with her partner and it was all just a bullshit game of who can go the furthest.

but why deny i exist? why make me out to be some cheap one nighter? why allow her to take the piss out of me like that?

But here's the bit i am most devestated by.

a month or so before we finally got together but we were speaking constantly on the phone, we chatted for literally HOURS every day and texted constantly.
It was clear we both liked each other.

there was a conversation with one of his friends. they were chatting about going up to meet up with some girl freinds they knew for a weekend or coming down to where i live to meet back up with me and my friends again (we met them all on holiday)

anyway, conversation is typical lad stuff nothing that i'd want my mum reading but nothing that worries me too much until we get to the very last message.
they were discussing the fgact that some girl he was trying his luck wth had blown him out. he goes on to say that this is why he doesn't really bother chasing women anymore as its too much hassle.
and that
"at this rate i'll end up with Gigantaur xx from xx" ME!

so he has settled with me. the joke freaky bird they all laugh about. he couldn't get anyone else so i'll do until he does?

he says that it was pride and machismo. he didnt want to say thathe liked me in case it didnt work out and he'd look a fool.
So why mention me at all? and why be so fucking horrid?

I love him sooo much and most of me believes him about the first two incidents but the last set of messages have just totally devesated me.
i feel humiliated.

So please. MN jury. am i over reacting or is he actually scum?

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notsurewhattobelieve · 30/07/2009 13:19

oh gosh,. it is very long, sorry

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