I understand the function of gift lists and I don't mind purchasing presents from one of them for a friend/relatives wedding however, my DH-to-be and myself have decided that for our small informal wedding to let guests know that wedding gifts are not necessary.
This is because we are having a private ceremony then a very small informal party afterwards with friends and family. Some guests will be travelling quite far to get our party and many will probably have to find a hotel to stay in overnight. We feel awkward enought that we can't afford to put people up or foot the bill for a hotel, so to expect presents on top of these expenses and others misc costs for a knees up in our back garden, we feel, is pretty unfair and cheeky. We feel that them being able to come to the party to share our day is a gift in itself! We really do. We also have enough toasters and pots and pans as we have lived together for many years!
We didn't think this would be a problem but it seems to have caused some anxiety and, frankly, horror for some family members. We are quite shocked at their responses. We've been made to feel quite unreasonable, awkward and 'weird'. We've tried explaining that because it's such a small informal affair, we don't want guests to worry about expensive pressies, however we also said if guests would really LIKE to get us something then of course that would be lovely, but it really isn't necessary.
Apparently we are 'being silly' 'causing problems for the guests' 'We should register with somewhere as soon as possible' 'Making it difficult for people to buy presents' and the best one was 'being really weird, how can we not want wedding presents?'
This is just from a few people so far, most people seem ok with just coming along and having a good time, just a few awkward customers in my family, but I don't want to fall out wih them but they won't drop it!
To be perfectly honest, I think wedding gift lists are a bit naff myself, despite understanding why it can make present purchasing easier for people and so the happy couple don't get multiple toasters...
What do people think? Are we really making it difficult for our guests by not having a gift list somewhere? Are we being awkward?
Neither of us know quite what to do now!
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42 replies
lucygettingmarried · 02/06/2009 20:12
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