to punish DD for losing her nintendo DS? Genuine help and opinions wanted for a woman at the end of her tether

[hockeypuck]

I bought DD a nintendo DS for her 6th birthday in August and gave her a long talk about responsibility and not losing it, having a place in the house where she keeps it so that her brother can't break it etc.

DS has been missing since Monday. It was in the house on Monday morning and not here by the afternoon. She said (only after 5 days of searching high and low) that she took it in the car to Tesco with us on Monday. I don't think she did because I'm sure she asked and I said, no, leave it at home. Tescos do not have it, I have torn the house apart looking for it and have no more ideas where it is.

Am I being unreasonable in being furious about this? I have an incredibly busy time at the moment doing my masters with 2 young children and having a dying father. I'm fed up, shattered and frankly furoius that I'm having to spend time doing this when I literally have no time to call my own whatsoever. DH says I'm blaming her for my frustration by being so cross with her. I say that I'm cross because we've had long talks about taking responsibility and she ignored them.

I've bought on my mum's behaf 2 DS games for Christmas for her, but I'm still paying for the original DS so no chance of replacing it. I'll have to send back these games from my mum when they arrive from Amazon and Amazon are shit at taking returns. It's another thing I have to fit in.

What should I do?

1. Never let her have another DS?
2. Take away a privilege from her (like puding or story time)
3. Ignore it.

HELP!!!!

[WifeandMotherof4]

Don't get her another, that's a huge lesson. Perhaps in a year or so she could earn pocket money and save up.... therefore understanding how much things cost. Punishment in addition is a little harsh.

[GrimmaTheNome]

Don't let her have another DS till she's old enough to have saved up and bought it for herself (if she wants one). If she really does, maybe the money back from the games could be the start of the replacement fund.

[hercules1]

Ignore it. It's part of life that things get lost. It doesnt really make a difference how much you go on at a 6 year old - they are still likely to lose stuff. I wouldnt let her have another ds if you are still paying for her last.

[theITgirl]

I would stop
No more looking
no more shouting
Every time she whines, say "you should have been more careful"
Do not replace until for a year & then it is a birthday/christmas present.
Bite the bullet & send the games back to Amazon or can you cancel the order?

[plantsitter]

Losing the DS is probably punishment enough.

I think for your own sanity you should leave it at that, really. Sorry you're having a stressful time.

[Podrick]

I agree
do not replace it, that is punishment enough, she didn't do it on purpose after all

[theITgirl]

oops cross-posted with everyone else

[thenewme]

Keep the games as it might turn up.

Don't spend any more time looking for it - she has to do that.

Try and sort out your life to make things a bit easier for you.

Give Tesco another ring, it might have turned up since you rang the first time, and play on your heartbroken daughter. Might get another which she has to earn back, obviously.

[objectnativity]

To a certain extent you are adding your other concerns to the issue. However, I sympathise because my DS now age 7 managed to lose a Gameboy that was bought second hand for him age 5 followed by dropping his DS in the mop bucket only a few weeks ago. I am furious with him but I keep reminding myself that he will be annoyed with himself and so long as no replacement is issued for some considerable time, i.e. a year, then he will have realised the consequences of his irresponsibility. Any ranting from me further to this would be about my anger and I don't think it is fair to burden him with that.

[misdee]

stop looking fir it.

when dd's misplace theirs i tell them to look for them. their ds, their responsibility. they usually turn up in the weirdest places.

[2AdventSevenfoldShoes]

do really look in the car. my sil found her sons gameboy in hers ages after he lost it.

[misdee]

i also agree with no other punishment needed.

[TequilaMockinBird]

My DD lost hers about a year ago and it eventually turned up in the little pocket behind the passenger seat in the car!

She couldnt remember putting it there though

[onthewarpath]

I agree with wife, 6 is a bit young IMO for her to realise how costly her negligence is for you. Try to keep calm but definitely do not by her another one, in the near future anyway.

[TsarChasm]

Oh dear. I do hope it turns up. Mine are 7 and having one for Christmas. I can see this happening despite the 'look after it' speech.

[bobs]

Firstly, I really feel for you - this on top of all the other stuff you're dealing with. Suggestion....several deep breaths an a large glass of whatever - plus a shoulder to cry on
When my dd was 9-10 she saved up, sold any vouchers to me (even those I didn't want)and bought one - I think I subbed it a bit. Perhaps leave it a bit-up to a year and do the same if poss?? I find that if the kids want something enough they will contribute - either with their own money, or doing chores - sweeping leaves etc, and if they've had a hand in paying for something, hopefully will look after it.
BTW - I find Amazon ok at taking returns.

[hockeypuck]

Thank you all so much for the responses and for the support. I realise that my furiousness is probably due to it being the final straw rather than the actual situation, so thanks for understanding

[TsarChasm]

If it's not at Tesco chances are it will turn up. I spend my life looking for dc's stuff.

[LadyBuntingofCupcake]

Sorry to hear about your situation... if it's any consolation I recently found Amazon's returns service outstanding so maybe it's improved since you last had to use it?

I would say no punishment, losing it is hard enough for a 6 year old to bear!

[Ronaldinhio]

sorry things are tough at the mo

yabu though in my opinion

[Miyazaki]

yes, punishment enough in losing it.

we found the 'lost' ds in the glove compartment?

[Ashantai]

It will turn up when you are looking for something a lot more important! I also agree with the "pocket behind the drivers seat" theory.

My kids went on and on about getting the mario and sonic olympics game for weeks before i gave in, and they promptly lost it after only a week. Months later we were searching for something else and lo and behold there it was!

The fact she has lost it, will hopefully remind her to be a little more careful with her toys next time.

[janeite]

I'd get the games sent back.
Take away a privilege.
Certainly not replace the DS - make her save up for a new one.

I'd be really cross - and you are clearly having a hard time right now, without this.

I think it shows that these things are probably too expensive for young children to be given though tbh. DD2 used to lose everything at that age: so she eventually save up for a DS aged 11, as we'd refused them before then. And even now she is only allowed to take it to Mil's and my mum's - nowhere else.

[aGalChangedHerName]

It's shit when they lose things isn't it??

But she is only 6 fgs. Have none of you ever lost/misplaced anything? I know i have occasionally and i am an adult,she's only a child.

I wouldn't replace it but she will feel crap enough poor thing

[spicemonster]

I agree with everyone else really. I think it's really hard at 6 to have an idea of value. To a 6 year old, their fave pencil is as important as a DS. I think you shouldn't replace it, send the games back (I've sent stuff back to Amazon - as long as the packaging is unopened they have never given me any grief) and leave it at that.

Sorry you're having a crap time - it's hideous when everything gets on top of you and I can understand that this feels like the final straw