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to expect to not be picked apart at a dinner we were invited to???

(52 Posts)
BBeingpatient Sat 27-Sep-08 12:13:30

ok so i dont think i am but always best to get more perspectives...

last night DP and I went for dinner at our friends, To give background, DP was best man at there wedding, we are god parents to there child....anyway we get there and female friend(FF) in terrible mood, ignores us really awkward, however shes moody anyway, it passes we sit down to dinner. FF ask how my new job is going stating hers is rubbish as she hasnt "enogh prospects" i dont want to brag and say yeah i love it leave it at that. She then asks Whether DP and i still plan to have a baby soon...

I say yes, will be TTC in jan-ish...there begins the rant- i here after get told that:
-if we arent married we shouldt have children
-that our relationship probably isnt strong enough for us to have kids, and thats why weve chosen not to marry hmm
-that our area is too rough to bring up children and our garden to small
-that we are irresponsible to have kids cos we have cats?!

understandably angry at this point but FF's husband is DPs close friend so bite tongue but wound up whole way home as:
- cost us a fortune to get there and back
-we took an offering (as you do)
-i have a house they have a flat so dont even have a garden?!?!
-DP and i have been together longer than they have known each other
-to me marriage is just a piece of paper

I should also mention she finds my choice that i intend to only return to work part-time abhorrent, as she chooses to leave her daughter in childcare as "she deserves a career for going through childbirth" WTF!!!
I havent voiced my own opinion on her choices wrt childcare as i am adult enough to know you shouldnt judge others but honestly so angry

she rounded off the evening by saying they want us to go away with them for four days...so we can share the childcare, as the hol would be themepark based!!!(as if!!)

Am i being over-sensitive??

maidamess Sat 27-Sep-08 12:15:09

Some friend! Why do you see awful people like this? Did you correct any of her misconceptions while you were there, or just nod and chew?

falcon Sat 27-Sep-08 12:15:36

YANBU. I'd have left actually.

Carmenere Sat 27-Sep-08 12:15:59

Friends? I would have told her to fuck off.

LadyOfWaffle Sat 27-Sep-08 12:17:20

Goodness how rude!

DaisySteiner Sat 27-Sep-08 12:19:19

Why did you stay?! I think with this sort of thing you have to make your displeasure known pretty quickly or you end up never saying anything and letting it go. Don't go back!

cornsilk Sat 27-Sep-08 12:19:41

Blimey what a bitch!

BBeingpatient Sat 27-Sep-08 12:21:12

see thats the thing, ive always thought her rude, and odd but her husband means alot to DP IYSWIM so for probably only the fourth or fifth time in my life i nodded andbit my tongue. ironically she moans she has no friends but really is it a surprise!!

other people have said it relates to jealousy as she has said she wanted to move but as they own there place cant due to the state of the market, when she first had her goddaughter i know after the baby moon she did suffer with PND but even then she wouldnt accept help.

I think she is just not a nice person!

suffice it to say we wont be seeing much of them from now on!!

Carmenere Sat 27-Sep-08 12:23:07

Actually I wouldn't let it lie at that. I would email her and suggest that she may want to give up alcohol as the remarks she made to you last night were off the scale offensive and you believe that it must be the alcohol talking as you are sure that she isn't normally that stupid.

BBeingpatient Sat 27-Sep-08 12:23:40

i meant our goddaughter....

the other thing is she also doesnt quite flirt but definately makes lingering eyecontact with DP which he has said made him feel uncomfortable.

i was actually glad when at ten past ten she said " wow its late you'd better go" !!

lucyellensmum1 Sat 27-Sep-08 12:24:40

Look at it this way; She must feel really shit about her life to go off on one like that. That and she sounds like a complete bitch - not someone i would want in my life. I'm surprised she lowered herself to talk to you - have you spoke to your DP about it?

BBeingpatient Sat 27-Sep-08 12:26:40

lol that might be an idea, she's asked me to give in her CV where i work too...im not doing that!!!

she has always been a critical person, she isnt what you'd call skinny and neither am I so i dieted, and am now loosing weight, and her DH last night commented that it showed and i seemed more confident, and she said " i cant really see it how much have you got to go" !!

she also thinks her pwn upbringing ideal stating her father being a service man on call 24-7 is fine but criticising a mutual friends DH for working nights and not seeing his kids enough as a result!!

she actually really reminds me of hyacinth bucket!!!

lardybump Sat 27-Sep-08 12:26:58

BB that is really bad what did dp say. By the way I am not married to dp and we have a dd of 18 months and another on the way and we have been together 8 years...

Marriage is not the be all and end all (although don’t tell dp I said that as I have been nagging of late that I want the same sir name as my children.).

I do own a house and I have a large back garden but I would swap it in an instant for a small back garden if it was right outside my back door. Ours is bloody miles away as we have a communal footpath and outbuilding in between. DD only goes out there 4 months of the year or so anyway....

My sister has two dogs, 2 cats and 4 children so how is it unfair that you have cats hmm

I can’t even be bothered to go into the rest.... What a stupid cow.... YANBU I would of said something so you deserve a meddle in my book.

lucyellensmum1 Sat 27-Sep-08 12:27:47

My reckoning is she doesn't like you very much and only sees you because of her DH anyway. So, no love lost there - either that or she had had a massive row with her husband before you came and was acting out. Either way, drop her like a hot potato, shes mad.

cafebistro Sat 27-Sep-08 12:28:31

What a cow! She obviously has issues. It may be down to jealousy...she probably has the hots for your fella. wink

lucyellensmum1 Sat 27-Sep-08 12:29:31

marriage is just a peice of paper to me, however i insisted that my children have my surname so if he wants them to have his, he will have to marry me grin

BBeingpatient Sat 27-Sep-08 12:29:52

LEM that was the best thing to come out of it, DP when we got in the taxi home (which coincidentally was £11 each way! despite friend having said prior, dont bring your car i'l drive you home!!) Said "im sorry she said all that to us" etc etc and basically agreed she's a complete idiot, so it was nice to feel supported by him, he actually said, when she said we'd better go, "yeah we should find better company" which for my DP is a big thing as he's non confrontational.

all in all tho a waste of 22 quid and a nice bottel of wine!!

lardybump Sat 27-Sep-08 12:32:22

LEM I wish I had done that...... I might have to change mine by depole (sp?) at this rate..... Or can I change DD's [evil mummy smile]

revjustabout Sat 27-Sep-08 12:32:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BBeingpatient Sat 27-Sep-08 12:34:43

Sorry X-posts everyone, as aside line hi LB!! nice to see a familiar face as it were!!

yeah you're all right, i mean i dont think she dislikes me as such, we've seen each other separately, away from the partners, but she has always been opinionated, i think last night was definately the very last straw!

LEM that was my only concern for when DP and i have kids we dont want to all have different surnames,but we've agreed to go the deedpoll route or a registry office wedding.

however that reminds me of another choice remark she made- that without being married DP would have "absolutely no rights to his child" surely if he's named on birth cert thats wrong factually?! and surely if she knew us well she'd know i'd not keep him from his children regardless of whether we loved or hated each other!!! arg the cow!!!

Overmydeadbody Sat 27-Sep-08 12:35:56

Did you challenge her on what she said at the time? Tell her you thought she was being rude? If not, why not? There's nothing wrong with people stating their views as long as they are not rude and are prepared for the other person to argue their side.

She sounds like she has serious issues. I would consider her no longer a friend and not waste your time in her company again. If she asks why, tell her.

Overmydeadbody Sat 27-Sep-08 12:38:00

Yes you are right, as long as he is on the birth certificate he has rights as the father.

What did everyone else say to all her comments? Or did you all just sit there silently taking it? Surely if you showed hr she couldn't get away with saying things like that she would have stopped?

TheCrackFox Sat 27-Sep-08 12:38:16

Goodness, imagine wasting an evening with that woman.

Try and avoid her and whatever you do DO NOT GO ON HOLIDAY with them.

She is jealous and insecure and avoid her at all costs from now.

BBeingpatient Sat 27-Sep-08 12:39:29

OMDB i kept schtum sadly, partly out of shock at the severity of the things she was saying, and partly because DP really values her DH as a friend, they've known each other nearly 20 years now. but i think i will go down the silence route for sure, get DP to refute the hol etc and just see them a bit for our goddaughter, birthdays and christmasses....i hope its nt awkward!!

Carmenere Sat 27-Sep-08 12:39:30

Agree with OMDB. I think that lots of people get away with having revoltingly judgmental opinions because they go unchallenged. Forget about not wanting to cause a scene for the sake of your dp, my dp would never prefer for me to put up with that shit just to keep the piece.

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