Name changed as my sister knows I'm on here.
This will be long, sorry.
I'm 35, no kids yet, not by choice. Been with DP 2 years, we want kids but we can't until I've finished a course for work next August. My sister is 30 with a 4year old girl and a 6month old boy plus a fiance. I live alone but moving in with DP soon and my sister ans family live with my mum while they sort a mortgage.
I've known for a long time my sister is my Mum's favourite. Not in a malicious way at all, I'm not the scapegoat or anything and we are a very close family, and I often make a joke of it. Mum denies it but me and my sister know its true and she knows it hurts me a bit. To clarify, I love my sister. I speak to her every day and its not her fault.
However. While it used to be silly little things like my mums Ipad code being my sister's birthday, I feel like it's been more pronounced since my niece came along and since they moved in with my mum- I totally get that this is natural, my mum adores her grandkids and my sister for providing them and obviously they all live together, but I do sometimes feel a bit left out. I'm there a lot, I live 5 mins away and I (and my mum) do a lot of childcare for the kids while sister and BIL are at work, and I enjoy it, but still do feel a bit of a pang of loneliness when I leave. Plus I do have this nagging feeling that everything is geared towards my sister and her family and that I'm just expected to go along with it.
So. Yesterday my mum and I planned a shopping trip followed by late lunch and a few drinks. We've done this lots in the past and its usually a lovely, leisurely afternoon of wine and chat, getting home at 7ish. I was really looking forward to it as I've not spent time with just my mum for ages. On Monday my mum casually dropped into conversation that she needs to be home by 5.30 as she's agreed to have my Nephew while my sister is out for dinner with her best mate, my niece and the friends little girl. My sister apparently said she wants a proper catch up with her friend, to give my niece her full attention and to not have to eat with one hand. And I TOTALLY get all of that. But I couldn't help being a bit gutted that we were cutting our afternoon short and a bit miffed that its in favour of my sister.
I feel totally torn and really guilty for feeling like this. My sister has had to cut her mat leave short by 3 months and is already back at work and she hasn't seen her friend for ages. My niece definitely deserves mummy time and my sister definitely deserves an evening off. But on the other hand, I feel like my mum kind of ditched our plans to help her out. I do a lot for my sister (and so does my mum). She is able to go out fairly often with friends and her DP and she gets free childcare. I just wanted one day to be my mums priority. And I feel childish and ridiculous for feeling like this.
Another side to it is that I can't shake the feeling that mt own kids won't get the same treatment from my mum. Not deliberately on her part, but because that's how she is with me. It makes me sad.
I don't really know what I'm asking here. I know I'm being a bit unreasonable. But its better to vent to strangers then to sound like a petulant teen in real life I guess!
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To be really disappointed by my mum
73 replies
TexasTyson · 22/10/2021 15:20
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
542 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
13%
You are NOT being unreasonable
87%
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