MIL has really done it this time

[penguinparty00]

Not sure if this really is an AIBU or me just needing somewhere to vent... but here goes my MIL is just so horrible - cold, unemotional, mean and is forever giving you those non compliment "compliments" and I've had enough of her she sleeps in most days until 1/2 in the afternoon, she does absolutely nothing apart from sit of you tube watching a load of utter crap, smoke and gets waited on hand and foot she doesn't leave the house and never lifts a finger because she is utterly lazy. I suppose for a while I did tolerate her but our views are so different on everything she gets her information from you tube and doesn't believe in covid, has very different views on government, nhs and well basically everything to the majority of people. But since having my DS things have just got really bad, she couldn't understand why we wouldn't let her hold him during the pandemic despite explaining to her the implications the response was .. well it's just like the flu and she couldn't get her head around how non existent DS immune system was, she doesn't agree with injections and tried to scare monger me. Sorry I got on a rant roll but basically we went to see her over the weekend, arrived at 1.30 DS of 6 months was due a feed and started getting cranky, she was nowhere to be seen, still in bed apparently was finishing her cup of tea and will be down. 2.00 came no sign of her.. 2.30 and she comes down walks past the room we are in, doesn't acknowledge our existence and sits in another room with a cup of tea .. watching you tube 3.00 comes and DS really cranky so I take him home for a nap .. fuming so I just left with him and left my OH there. I'm just so mad at how she never ceases to amaze me with how rude and not nice she is! I really want to never go and see her again but I know thats extreme I'm just so mad at her!

[sunshinesontv]

Surely there is something else going on with her - health issues, depression? Regularly sleeping until that time does not sound usual to me.

[HarrietYeti]

What does your OH have to say about her? Personally I don't think I'd be going to hers anymore. She's either not bothered about seeing you or is playing power games. Alternatively she really does have some mental health problems, in which case, you either work round those or keep your distance. Her behaviour isn't remotely normal.

[penguinparty00]

Absolutely - all of her behaviour just screams that there is underlying issues she's very angry at the world but is so closed and cold and apparently has been like this for decades I don't imagine anyone would ever get to the root of the issue. She's just hard work and It's like having the life sucked from you at every visit

[SleepingStandingUp]

So you were die to visit at 1.30 but she didn't come down, so you say in her house for an hour waiting for her or in the car? Why couldn't you feed DS? was someone else there? I'm confused about the three of you sitting in one room alone for 90 minutes and her coming down into another room and your OH not at least talking to her and asking her to come and see the baby etc

[penguinparty00]

@HarrietYeti

What does your OH have to say about her? Personally I don't think I'd be going to hers anymore. She's either not bothered about seeing you or is playing power games. Alternatively she really does have some mental health problems, in which case, you either work round those or keep your distance. Her behaviour isn't remotely normal.

He is so angry about her behaviour but like when DS was born she would speak to us and he had to go apologising to her when she was out of line just to keep peace because we didn't want DS not knowing his grandmother everyone just pussy foots around her because she's will just explode orhwrwise. I feel stuck because I hate going but them feel so guilty on OH / DS having to be there that I feel I have to go so not to cause friction.

[namechangingforthis19586]

Oooh she's awful isn't she.

So she's stroppy because of lockdown rules?

I think I'd leave her to strop alone.

[penguinparty00]

@SleepingStandingUp

So you were die to visit at 1.30 but she didn't come down, so you say in her house for an hour waiting for her or in the car? Why couldn't you feed DS? was someone else there? I'm confused about the three of you sitting in one room alone for 90 minutes and her coming down into another room and your OH not at least talking to her and asking her to come and see the baby etc

Sorry my bad explanation his dad was there so we sat in the lounge to him he's the one that went to tell her we were there, DS did get a feed I took a bottle with me and as we live close by I walked home at 3 so he could nap in his cot. She smokes in the room she was in so I never go in there with DS, the dad did go and have it out with her but she just dismissed him but there is absolutely no reason I can think of why she should be like that with us.

[penguinparty00]

@namechangingforthis19586

Oooh she's awful isn't she.

So she's stroppy because of lockdown rules?

I think I'd leave her to strop alone.

I really don't know I thought we got passed that but apparently by not letting her hold DS when he was born she wasn't able to form a bond .......where as in reality her being the way she is is actually the reason she can't form this bond!

[ineedaholidaynow]

How old is she?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Ah ok.
Does his Dad make an effort? Will he visit at yours?

[Cherrysoup]

Good Lord, I think I’d have given her 20 minutes then buggered off. She’s very rude. Regardless of her issues, she is incredibly impolite. Why on earth did your dh apologise for her poor behaviour?? Do you really want your child to have a relationship with her when she’s so horrid? Why?

[penguinparty00]

@ineedaholidaynow

How old is she?

Late 60's

[penguinparty00]

@SleepingStandingUp

Ah ok.
Does his Dad make an effort? Will he visit at yours?

Yeah he really tries he's not very socially out there but does drum up conversation and we fill in the rest mostly talking about DS and life in general

[ineedaholidaynow]

Was she always like this? What was family life like for DH?

[lydia2021]

Yes, you are right to feel angry. I would not have my baby in a smokers house, esp if they smoke indoors. My friend is a gran, loves her grankids, but her dil calls her a c..., and is horrid to the step kids,, throws them out in the cold, wont make food for them. And pushes them into rooms in the house. The DIL is a grade A bitch to the kids, and the dull, brain dead father of three is marrying her soon. Would you marry someone who assaults your kids... I think you are lucky... in some ways... mil is not that into babies I think. Give it time, and invite them for Sunday lunch. Put a time on it... as in 1 to 3pm. So she can go back to bed

[penguinparty00]

@Cherrysoup

Good Lord, I think I’d have given her 20 minutes then buggered off. She’s very rude. Regardless of her issues, she is incredibly impolite. Why on earth did your dh apologise for her poor behaviour?? Do you really want your child to have a relationship with her when she’s so horrid? Why?

I guess not I think I just keep giving her the benefit of the doubt but she never ceases to amaze me with her rudeness a few weeks ago we were round there and she talked at us for about an hour before finally even asking how DS was she certainly wouldn't ask how we were it's just not in her nature and I've come from a family who would absolutely bend over backwards for you a mum who fusses over you and is so lovely my OH actually said he never really realised how bad she was until she saw how my mum was and I said yeah my mums a little too over the top wanting to look after everyone but that behaviour is normal in most families

[Quadangle]

Invite your Husband’s Dad to yours in future and leave MIL to it.

[SleepingStandingUp]

I've invite Dad around to yours from now on.
If anyone asks, say you assumed she didn't want you round after ladt

[SleepingStandingUp]

*last time

[penguinparty00]

@ineedaholidaynow

Was she always like this? What was family life like for DH?

His childhood wasnt bad at all his dad worked away a lot and his mum didn't do much fed them mostly on take out and once they were off to school would go back to bed but all in all he said it wasn't a bad childhood

[penguinparty00]

@lydia2021

Yes, you are right to feel angry. I would not have my baby in a smokers house, esp if they smoke indoors. My friend is a gran, loves her grankids, but her dil calls her a c..., and is horrid to the step kids,, throws them out in the cold, wont make food for them. And pushes them into rooms in the house. The DIL is a grade A bitch to the kids, and the dull, brain dead father of three is marrying her soon. Would you marry someone who assaults your kids... I think you are lucky... in some ways... mil is not that into babies I think. Give it time, and invite them for Sunday lunch. Put a time on it... as in 1 to 3pm. So she can go back to bed

That sounds awful ! I have to calm down before inviting her anywhere I've bent over backwards for her and she's just annoyed me one to many times today

[Sssloou]

Why are you bothering?

Your DC doesn’t need this character in their life. They don’t need to be in a situation with this level of toxic atmosphere as they will sense it, absorb it, internalise it which will make them anxious, confused and scared.

They will also pick up your tension and absorb that.

Only expose your baby to emotionally healthy environments where you are calm, happy and confident.

You don’t need permission from anyone to take that decision.

[penguinparty00]

@SleepingStandingUp

I've invite Dad around to yours from now on.
If anyone asks, say you assumed she didn't want you round after ladt

That's not a bad shout to be honest would solve all the issues and wouldn't constantly ruin our weekends being annoyed at her

[gamerchick]

@lydia2021

Yes, you are right to feel angry. I would not have my baby in a smokers house, esp if they smoke indoors. My friend is a gran, loves her grankids, but her dil calls her a c..., and is horrid to the step kids,, throws them out in the cold, wont make food for them. And pushes them into rooms in the house. The DIL is a grade A bitch to the kids, and the dull, brain dead father of three is marrying her soon. Would you marry someone who assaults your kids... I think you are lucky... in some ways... mil is not that into babies I think. Give it time, and invite them for Sunday lunch. Put a time on it... as in 1 to 3pm. So she can go back to bed

And you've rang SS about this stuff haven't you?

[penguinparty00]

@Sssloou

Why are you bothering?

Your DC doesn’t need this character in their life. They don’t need to be in a situation with this level of toxic atmosphere as they will sense it, absorb it, internalise it which will make them anxious, confused and scared.

They will also pick up your tension and absorb that.

Only expose your baby to emotionally healthy environments where you are calm, happy and confident.

You don’t need permission from anyone to take that decision.

You are so right thank you - I think I've just become bogged down in it all that I've lost that focus that I actually have a choice not to take him round and that's ok! I think I might definitely just invite The dad around in future and not bother with everything else.