And be happy with the reflection I see.
I’m 42, I’m morbidly obese. I don’t have scales but I’m about a size 16 (which I know is a “real” size 20) and at 5’9 I just look like a giant. I must be about 15/16 stone. After suffering from depression, anxiety and stress for so many years it all caught up with me. My last course of ADs has made me pile on weight and I barely recognise myself. I think I may have developed lipedema too as my legs have become alarmingly enormous. I’ve always been quite fat but now I barely recognise the monster looking back at me. I just hate my body. I thought I hated my body before but now I utterly despise it. I’ve tried my absolute hardest during lockdown to lose a bit of weight and I have lost some but it’s pointless really, as as even when I have the slightest slip up the weight literally piles back on so quickly. I’m so ashamed. I don’t own scales because I have literally spent the last 40 years obsessing over them. I’m absolutely crippled with fear at the thought of going back out and mixing with people again because of how ashamed I am about my body.
I know that there’s no escaping that society sees obese people as the scum of the earth, and it just worries me that I’m going to have to present myself to the world again as en even fatter version than I was a year ago.
My DH tells me I’m nice, but I hate him touching me.
So how can I accept myself? How can I be happy with my body when I know everyone else hates me for it?
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To be sad that I’ll never ever be able to wake up, look in the mirror...
90 replies
AngryPancake · 11/07/2020 21:51
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