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AIBU?

Welfare check

69 replies

Louigoo · 11/09/2019 12:46

Hi,
I posted the other day about my 3 year old little boy who was taken into hospital with severe constipation and that I had to “unblock him” at home which would take a build up of laxatives and other medicines. My advice was asking if I should send him to nursery as they seemed to think I was being stupid keeping him off.

Fast forward 3 days later- I have kept him off. I took in the hospital letter and explained again everything what was going on and once I reduced the levels of laxatives he would be back.
I have just getting a phone call from the nursery saying there is a guy coming out to do a welfare check on him and explained with everything in the press about kids being abused this is something they have to do. Which I totally get and I have no issue with my son being checked but I’m just wondering if this is standard procedure?

I’m quite an anxious person and tend to over think everything and I get the impression they seem to think I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill with comments such as “everyone goes to the loo, it’s life” “nursery is the best place for him and we can do exactly what you’re doing at home”.
And because I’ve refused to have my son be uncomfortable they are sending someone out. I just feel a bit hounded.

OP posts:

Report

bloodywhitecat · 11/09/2019 12:51

I'd be bloody furious, I'd keep my child off to in your shoes. I am not sure why they feel a welfare check is necessary, you have supplied them with all the information (and more) that they need.

StressyDressyHeels · 11/09/2019 12:53

So because he’s unwell you’ve kept him
home from nursery and the nursery are suspicious? Unless there’s more to this story it sounds absurd!

TheTrollFairy · 11/09/2019 12:55

Seems a bit of a weird thing to do a welfare check on.
I would be annoyed but also just go with the flow of it as I suspect acting hostile in these circumstances would lead to continued checks. You have a letter regarding it so I wouldn’t worry about it

SleepingStandingUp · 11/09/2019 12:55

He's not even compulsory school age so the one option is to withdraw him completely if you're not happy

Louigoo · 11/09/2019 12:56

Definitely not more to this story, other than he has missed a bit of time from nursery before summer as he was born with a condition that needs him to attend physio sessions/consultant appointments every few weeks which I have always informed them of.

OP posts:

Phoebesfleas · 11/09/2019 12:58

I have no idea if it’s standard procedure but I’d tell them to sling their hook, since when is nursery compulsory?
Also you are doing the right thing in keeping him off, DD had to be unblocked at the same age and spent the best part of a week sitting on her potty in front of the TV passing overflow, not pleasant for all involved especially the child.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 11/09/2019 12:58

His 3 he does NOT even have to attend nursery, it’s not school no legal requirement.

They’ve seen a hospital letter that should be good enough.

I wouldn’t be letting them in tbh!

QueefLatifah · 11/09/2019 12:58

Are you in the uk?
What do you mean “a guy”? What guy?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/09/2019 12:59

I'd be furious. Id happily let the guy come and check but tbh id call a meeting with the head of the nursery to enquire as to what warranted this

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 11/09/2019 13:00

phone call from the nursery saying there is a guy coming out to do a welfare check on him

They seem confused. They don’t tell you they’re coming to your house, they ask you if they can come to your house. Which you can politely decline. Which In your shoes I would.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 11/09/2019 13:00

Normal in the secondary school I worked in. EWO would visit students to check to see if they were actually ill, just truanting, having caring responsibilities that prevented them from attending, issues at school or being abused. The aim was to get students to return to school by supporting them with problems but there was a huge safeguarding aspect to her role.

Lulualla · 11/09/2019 13:00

I can't believe this. I cannot believe any nursery would do this. Unless there is a back story or other concerns which would prompt them to think more of it.

My sons started off nursery when ill. Sometimes I just kept them off because we waned some time at home or I felt they just needed a day off, or we wanted to go and do something.
Nursery isn't compulsory. They don't need to go. I can't believe they've reported you because you kept him home. He might not be properly ill but he will be uncomfortable and it is completely up to you if you'd rather he stayed home.

You should change nurseries.

Louigoo · 11/09/2019 13:01

@Phoebesfleas did it make her tired, my son has no energy?

Sorry by Guy I mean a school welfare officer, I think that’s the right term?

I’m not acting hostile I just feel like my son is best off at home when he’s going through this. I’m sure they wouldn’t want to be away from their home if they were going through this. But again I’m mayve overthinking.

OP posts:

PumpkinP · 11/09/2019 13:01

Nursery isn’t even compulsory? None of my 4 children have gone. Does sound like they maybe have other concerns sorry!

AloeVeraLynn · 11/09/2019 13:04

just tell them no thanks. You don't even have to send a 3 year old to nursery. If they push it they can check with your gp to confirm he has been unwell. You don't have to let anyone from the nursery "pop round".

Harshsea · 11/09/2019 13:05

'hormonesorDHbeingadick

Normal in the secondary school I worked in. EWO would visit students to check to see if they were actually ill'

Yes Hormone but that is secondary school. The ops child is three. She can just tell them they are having the day off for a day out or a cinema trip or whatever and that's fine never mind the fact he's off ill and she has been showing them medical stuff which she doesn't need to do at all.

Who is the man op?
Is there was a welfare concern surely social services would contact the OP directly?

All very strange.

Harshsea · 11/09/2019 13:13

Ok it is the EWO. Firstly he doesn't have to legally be there, he's three and you can take him out when you want.
Secondly I worked in nurseries for years including school nurseries and I've literally never heard this.
If a child was missing from nursery a long time and we hadn't heard from the parent we would try and get in touch to check they were okay.

If they have a welfare concern they should be reporting it to SS. There is no way a child with medical conditions who is missing nursery due to appointments and a few days off ill after a hospital visit would reach the threshold!

Seriously tell them no thanks, give them a copy of the hospital letter and your health visitors details. I'm all for safeguarding but they are being ridiculous if there is not more to this.

insancerre · 11/09/2019 13:18

If they had welfare concerns they should be speaking to social services not giving you a warning that they will visit
Just don’t let them in, tell them it’s intrusive and unnecessary for them to come into your house

BlueCornsihPixie · 11/09/2019 13:20

Surely they can't do a welfare check for every ill 3 year old?

He's 3, you are well within your rights to keep even a mildly ill 3 year old off nursery, let alone your DS. I be fuming

Louigoo · 11/09/2019 13:21

Thankyou everyone.
I gave them the hospital letter and his medication.His first day back was last Wednesday and I had went in with him as he wasn’t up to the high does. He was withholding going to the toilet when he was there and when I brought him out of nursery there was literally a shit explosion.
That was only off 4 laxatives and now he’s on 8/daily. So it’s not as if I have just kept him off with them not seeing him or know the situation.
I’ve just been made to feel really uncomfortable by keeping him off. He gets the free 15 hours so I don’t know if that has anything to do with it or if his attendance is affecting something to do with that.

OP posts:

Phoebesfleas · 11/09/2019 13:34

Yes she was very tired and grumpy whilst constipated, lolling all over me and a lot of whining. She didn't feel hungry because she was so blocked up, it was incredibly difficult to get anything healthy into her because she was finicky and would only eat beige food which caused the issue in the first place. Once she had taken all the laxatives the hospital gave us when they discharged her I started her on lactulose on GP's advice, you can buy it over the counter. That has worked a treat and a couple of years later she will eat most fruits but still not keen on veg. She only poos every couple of days but at least it's semi regular.
Please don't agonise over this too much, nursery have no right to insist on a welfare check. I hope your little boy feels better soon. Strawberries and kiwi both work really well by the way as does blended prunes stirred into yogurt.

slipperywhensparticus · 11/09/2019 13:38

Let him come in explain you have no idea why he is here for you three year old and show him the letter from the hospital

Littlemeadow123 · 11/09/2019 13:40

"Nursery is the best place for him"

This comment makes them sound really arrogant and up their own backside.

They have seen evidence from hospital that your son is unwell and they know that he needs to miss nursery sometimes to go to physio appointments. Sounds like they are just on a power trip and you have nothing to worry about. Let the welfare person in and see your son etc. When he sees that nothing is wrong and that nursery have completely wasted his time, it will be them who get into trouble, not you.

Thehop · 11/09/2019 13:41

If you’re claiming the 3 year old funding they are obligated to tell the council his attendance is ooor.

You’ll very likely be charged for his missed hours, and it will be the council who want to do a welfare check.

Littlemeadow123 · 11/09/2019 13:41

They are obviously not able to deal with the situation as well as you can at home if he is trying to hold it in either.

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