To go on strike and not cook dinner for dh anymore

[MuffinMclay]

Dh is a very good cook and loves cooking. I am an OK cook, but don't enjoy it particularly. He works long hours, generally, so it makes sense for me to cook for both of us on week nights and him to cook at weekends (using every pan, implement, etc, and making mess everywhere, but that is another story).

On Monday I made curry. He complained that it was like the one he made but not as good. He poked it around suspiciously, ate it, and made polite but unconvincing noises at the end.

Yesterday I made a pasta sauce with red onion, wine, sausages (River Cafe recipe, takes hours to prepare). He took one look at it, then said 'there's too much onion' (I don't like red onion but added it because he complains if I omit it). He pokes suspiciously, and starts eating. 'You didn't dice the onion properly, the pieces are too big'. Sits looking like a sulky teenager. Then, 'did you forget the chilli', 'no', 'well it is very mild' (clearly not believing a word I say).

At this point I remark quietly that I will not be cooking evening meals for him from now on (whilst trying to stop myself tipping the bowl of pasta over his head). He flounces off, slams doors, and sulks upstairs. Half an hour later he comes downstairs and tells me I'm turning into my mother by expecting everyone to eat food without complaining (her food is dire).

Sorry, very log and dull. But I'm so p**d off with him now. And I'm not cooking tonight.

[JudgeyMcJudgeson]

YANBU.

HE is being an arse.

I wouldn't bother cooking for him if he was going to be like that.

IS he always like this or is there something else bothering him (work or something) that is causing him to act like an arse.

[filchthemildmanneredjanitor]

i agree with you.

if someone cooks you a meal it is incredibly rude and fucking cheeky to be quite blunt to sit and criticise.

i would have upended the meal on the selfish buggers head tbh.

never cook for him again.

[EscapeFrom]

What a brat! Don't cook him anything else, make him cook his own - AND MAKE HIM WASH HIS OWN POTS TOO!

[FCH]

YANBU - he is being very rude indeed. If your food is completely inedible then he has every right to mention it, but provided it is ok he should show reasonable manners and eat politely and say THANKYOU to you for preparing it for him.

Unless he had a very good excuse for being grumpy I would be utterly furious if my DH said anything of the sort

[MuffinMclay]

I think there is something bothering him at work. He is coming home too early at the moment (usually a sign that he is bored or not enjoying it). He's not always this bad, but these sort of food-related episodes have happened before (with his mother, in crap restaurants, ocasionally with me).

The only thing stopping me from throwing it over his head was the thought that I'd have to clear up the mess afterwards.

[MuffinMclay]

It wasn't inedible by any means, but I have cooked it better on previous occasions.

[filchthemildmanneredjanitor]

did he have to come in from work and cook it? no, and so he should just eat it.

[ZacharyQuack]

YANBU

He is being a prat.

Lay in a supply of ready meals for him and give him M&S telephone number for any culinary feedback

[Anna8888]

Are you a SAHM?

If so, I completely understand that you cook the evening meal - only fair - and perhaps you could solve the issue of your DH finding your cooking skills not up to scratch by taking some cooking classes

[JudgeyMcJudgeson]

Anna8888

so you think it is perfectly acceptable to talk to your dw like that?

Whether she can cook or not, whether he has problems or not she doesn't deserve to be spoken to like that.

I would talk to him about other issues and see what is the matter. But I would also say that if he wants meals prepared for him he should not talk to you like that.

[Anna8888]

No, it's not all right to talk to anyone like that

I was just trying to get beyond the immediate argument and into a long term solution for what is, after all, a life long problem . Meals are an endless feature of family life and family life is so much more enjoyable if everyone in the family knows how to prepare meals that everyone else enjoys.

[Easywriter]

Hmmm!

Am a rubbish cook too, DP is also a great cook. However, when I try my best (and it is true to say that there was one occasion where we took it out of the oven looked at it and decided straight to bin was the best thing to do) I NEVER, NEVER will accept criticisim like that, after all, I have done my best when I try to cook.

It's just not acceptable.

If something else is annoying him then that's what he needs to talk about.

If it truely is your cooking then maybe the best policy is that you don't cook but you shouldn't be put upon for your best efforts.

And DON'T go on a cookery course (unless you really want to). You are not a stepford wife, this is not the 1950's!!!

DH needs to get a grip.

HArsh but fair!

[rebelmum1]

If I fall out with dp I make horrid meals he doesn't like, some nights we have just had rice crispies. It's a double edged sword (of course you have to sort yourself out with something nice before they come home) from work .... and before i get attacked for being female and knowing my way around a kitchen its when i get home before him and he cooks too

[MrsBadger]

YANBU

We have the same kind of dynamic - DH is an excellent cook but sometimes does long hours, I am a less good and reluctant cook but am usually home in good time.
We had some moments in the beginning where I tried to take on recipes that were a) DH's specialities hence I'd never get right b) too hard or c) took too long, which made both of us cross but have now reached an amicable compromise.
He doesn't expect my cooking to be as good as his (though I am improving) and I only make things I know I can do well. TBH he loves cooking so much if he's working too hard/long to make his own dinner his standards and expectations drop considerably...

(And I'm not taking cooking lessons, thank you, I'm just slowly building my repertoire of easy achievable dishes.)

[Easywriter]

Anna8888, I can see you're trying to find a solution but you're not grasping that some people just can't cook.

It's not for want of trying.

I'm good a lots of things but cooking isn't one of them.

It's stressful and I'm pants at it. Years of trying hasn't improved me and isn't going to.

Good manners are something evryone should have and try to achieve however.

[rebelmum1]

..You should taste his blood and chocolate gravy (sob)

[Anna8888]

Easywriter - I'd feel distinctly nervous about taking an anti-Stepford Wife stance if I was a SAHM in 2007 with an earning husband who also had better domestic skills than me... men like that are quite desirable on the marriage market

[rebelmum1]

You should be a short order chef, steaks and salad and wotnot, bish bash bosh

[LazyLineLegilimens]

Anna are you taking the piss?

she should solve the problem of her husband being an ungrateful arse by taking cooking classes?

Really?

[DiscoFever]

hes not an aquarius by any chance.....?

[JudgeyMcJudgeson]

I made damn sure that dp was grateful for anything because I didn't cook for him until ds was born.

He is a crap cook, therefore he is grateful for anything I lay before him.

It is also to do wiht manners and respect. He respects me and therefore the effort I have put into preparing a meal for him.

Also I don't think anyone else would want him

Seriously though I think the OP's dh shows her a lot of disrespect by talking to her like that. Whether she can cook well or not is pretty much irrelevant.

[Gizmo]

at Anna

Honestly girl, you could start a fight in solitary confinement.

Give it a rest, already.

[MrsSnoek]

your husband is treating you like shit.... i wouldn't allow to my husband to talk to me like that.... he's got issues that need to be resolved... you need to deal with it quite pronto or it could easily degenerate into other kind of bullying!

[singledadofthree]

i know - you could both go on strike, means he gets to stay home all day, then you have no money to buy food.

end of problem.

[cylon]

dont cook for him.
get some ready meals. and tell him to stick it in the oven.
git.