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Do I be honest what I think about this name

(303 Posts)
Driftingthoughlife Thu 16-May-19 17:21:13

With everything going on with DH (previous thread) I may be potentially be about to fall out with my best mate if I tell the truth
She is pregnant due in a month and she has texted me to ask what I think of the name they have chosen. I think it’s awful. She says she really values my opinion
I don’t know if I can take falling out at the moment so aibu to lie and say it’s lovely but at the same time in am thinking this poor kid has to live with this name

JudgeRindersMinder Thu 16-May-19 17:22:58

The only comment you should ever pass is “that’s lovely”
Your friend doesn’t really want your opinion; she wants you to validate her choice

mummyboygirl Thu 16-May-19 17:23:58

Is the name aibu? Im not keen at all if im honest 😳 i would say in the nicest way ‘im not keen but if what you like that matters’ my friend named her son something abit silly and i could never bring myself to say it.. we drifted apart in the end so it never became a big issue xx

justarandomtricycle Thu 16-May-19 17:24:26

For this question, just be supportive flowers

PaintingOwls Thu 16-May-19 17:24:59

You have to tell us what the name is!

redhotchill Thu 16-May-19 17:25:23

What's the name?

mummyboygirl Thu 16-May-19 17:25:43

Oh god just realised i thought the name was aibu hahha im new to mumsnet 😂🤣 sorry

Slomi Thu 16-May-19 17:26:20

Unless the name is likely to get the child horrendously bullied than you just say "That's lovely". Nothing else required.

LolaSmiles Thu 16-May-19 17:26:28

It depends how bad. If it's just personal taste then you say nothing.
If it's something that has issues, would lead to the child being mocked, spending their life explaining a non name then you might go tactful like 'I'm glad you like it. Have you considered... and then explain potential issues' but don't diss the name.

OKBobble Thu 16-May-19 17:27:09

"It's not one I would have chosen" is okay I suppose and after all its each to their own.

UCOinanOCG Thu 16-May-19 17:27:22

I would possibly say something like 'that's a bit unusual' or 'it's not a name I would go for but if you like it you go for it". Something that makes her know you are not keen without saying as much.

What is the name?

Slomi Thu 16-May-19 17:27:31

And if you really, really can't lie just say "Oh, it's not really to my own taste but I'm glad you found a name you love!".

HBStowe Thu 16-May-19 17:28:08

If she has genuinely asked for your advice then I think you can be honest in a gentle way. Say something like ‘the most important thing is that you love it and once it’s her name everyone who loves her will love it too, but I would be concerned that it might not age well / be a bit too unusual / raise some eyebrows / etc.’

Big caveat though - I think you should only do this if she’s saddling her kid with something made up (Bowjewelaze) or that isn’t conventionally a name (Galaxy) or that is a name but is spelled appallingly (Myckenzeigh). If it’s a normal name that you just don’t like, smile and say it’s lovely.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours Thu 16-May-19 17:28:23

I might be a bit non committal and go down the route of suggesting she wait and see what she thinks when the baby arrives, see what suits him, and marvelling at all these people who choose names before the baby is here

may give her a moment to rethink.
what's the name please?

Ratatatouille Thu 16-May-19 17:29:26

Tricky one. If this was my best friend and the name was truly terrible - I mean likely to affect future employment chances and/or cause lifelong bullying - then I probably would very gently say something. If it's just down to personal taste and it's a perfectly inoffensive name that you just don't happen to like then I'd lie. If your opinion changes her mind, she'll probably resent the fact that she didn't use her favourite name and when she regrets it she will blame you. Or she will totally ignore your opinion, use the name anyway and be pissed off that she knows you hate her kid's name.

Nuttyaboutnutella Thu 16-May-19 17:29:48

If the name is something like Pryncess-Raynedrop-Tewlyp then be honest with her. If it's just something innocuous that's not your cup of tea like Ellie-Mae, then just say "it's lovely"

BlueMerchant Thu 16-May-19 17:30:39

I'd say 'oh that's different/popular/very traditional/bohemian/posh or whatever but not actually say whether I liked it or not x

OrdinaryGirl Thu 16-May-19 17:30:38

Exactly what HBStowe very wisely said. ✔️

MeredithGrey1 Thu 16-May-19 17:31:48

If she seems genuinely uncertain about the name I think you can tactfully point out some general issues like, will it be annoying for them that no one can ever spell/pronounce their name? Or, maybe it is a name people might judge them over?

If she seems set on it and really likes it, and actually isn't really asking for an opinion, then I'd just be nice unless its a truly awful example like PPs have given (Pryncess-Raynedrop-Tewlyp for example).

PillowTalker Thu 16-May-19 17:33:57

Weird to the point the kid is gonna suffer - day something

Just a bit crap - keep quiet

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery Thu 16-May-19 17:37:10

Is it dreadful or just not to your taste? If it's something like a notorious murderer's name, or the initials spell CUNT, tell her. If it's just not your cup of tea, be nice.

mumderland Thu 16-May-19 17:38:38

Each to their own. I'm not really a fan of my friends children's names but they're not my children so 🤷🏽‍♀️

PenguindreamsofDraco Thu 16-May-19 17:39:41

Please let the name be Balonz.

FenellaMaxwell Thu 16-May-19 17:40:32

Actually dreadful or just not to your taste?

churchthecat Thu 16-May-19 17:41:55

If she's asking you to be honest then I'd be honest. I'd probably just say it's not my cup of tea but she shouldn't make her decision based on what other people think.

kaytee87 Thu 16-May-19 17:43:13

What's the name?

Bumfuck arsedonkey then say something
Amelia Rose (just not to your taste) then keep schtum

Gigglinghysterically Thu 16-May-19 17:45:22

YABVU to lie over this.

"She says she really values my opinion."
Do not lie and say 'it's lovely' when you think it's bloody awful. Tell the truth but say it gently. She said she values your opinion. Either tell her you're not keen on it or it's not your cup of tea and ask if they have any other names in reserve.

"I don't know if I can take falling out at the moment."
Fgs, there is no reason to fall out over this at all. Don't be so silly. She's just asking you a question. Would you want your good friend to tell you a lie or consider them more of a friend for being able to rely on them to tell you the truth, whatever the circumstance?

MikeUniformMike Thu 16-May-19 17:45:49

I'd be honest but tactful. Why not suggest to her that she ask MN what they think of the name?

Didntwanttochangemyname Thu 16-May-19 17:46:28

You have to tell us the name!

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 16-May-19 17:47:43

Is it Nevaeh?

MrsFoxPlus4 Thu 16-May-19 17:48:27

If it’s a name they are likely to get bullied and teased about then yeah say that. If it’s just not to your taste say that. There’s no need to fall out over this. Not everyone likes the same things

Gigglinghysterically Thu 16-May-19 17:48:47

Can you just let us know whether it's just a name you aren't keen on or whether it's one many would consider ridiculous?

MNers were split as to whether they liked the name Archie for the new royal baby. Some hated it. I like it.

Topseyt Thu 16-May-19 17:49:00

Why on earth would you fall out over this?

Just sat that it isn't your cup of tea, but you realise that it is her opinion that matters.

MyNewBearTotoro Thu 16-May-19 17:50:41

I think it depends on the name. If it’s a recognised/ common/ standard etc name that isn’t to your taste I wouldnt say anything. For example I personally really dislike the names Ethan, Robert, Nina and Florence but I recognise that is just my personal taste. There’s nothing wrong with the names so I’d never voice my opinion and risk causing upset.

On the other hand if it’s a really out there, yoonique or made up name (Eg: Abcde, Calvonia, LadyAnnaFrillia, Van-Diesel), Zebedee) I think I’d have to say something!

JagerPlease Thu 16-May-19 17:51:33

If she's that good of a friend that she's genuinely valuing your opinion, if give it. A friend of mine once did about a name her husband was really keen on and she wasn't sure (it's a very out there, more of a word than a name). Several of us said we thought it would likely lead to teasing and strange reactions and she agreed. Months later baby is born and she's come round to the name and uses it anyway, previous conversation never mentioned and hasn't lead to any falling out at all. So I would go for it if you genuinely have an honest relationship with your friend. Equally, when I was thinking of names I valued friends opinions just in terms of how other people may perceive a name that I blindly loved!

WorraLiberty Thu 16-May-19 17:52:11

The only comment you should ever pass is “that’s lovely”
Your friend doesn’t really want your opinion; she wants you to validate her choice

That's not necessarily true.

Asking a stranger would more than likely be seeking validation.

Asking your best friend is what you do when you want the truth.

NotStayingIn Thu 16-May-19 17:52:31

That is tricky! If it’s not to your taste I would just lie. Who knows it might grow on you!

If it’s just really odd I might be tempted to say something like ‘oh wow that’s unusual. I was toying with an unusual name for x but was worried people would tease him/ it would date quickly/it’s too hard to spell.’ Whatever is appropriate.

I get people saying tell the truth but some people do take these things personally! Do what you feel most comfortable with.

CloserIAm2Fine Thu 16-May-19 17:53:03

If it’s just a name that’s not your taste then just say “that’s lovely”

Only if it’s objectively truly horrifically awful and offensively bad, should you very gently say something. Anything that just a matter of opinion should be left well alone!

kenandbarbie Thu 16-May-19 17:55:28

It depends why you don't like it.

For example you could say something like "not sure if you mind but that's a very popular choice at the moment" if it's really common / too trendy.

If you tell us the name and the reason you don't like it I'm sure mumsnet can come up with a wording to point out the negative points of the name whilst being tactful!

RightYesButNo Thu 16-May-19 17:55:47

DO NOT SHARE THE NAME. If this gets picked up by the Daily Mail, you can still pretend it’s just a really, really big coincidence, but if you share the name, you’ll never be able to talk your way out of it. You’ll definitely be outed.

That said, I’m another one with my fingers crossed that it’s Balonz.

On a serious note, several previous posters, like HBStowe, are correct. Not to your personal taste? Say nothing. Likely to negatively affect the child’s life (constantly must correct misspellings/mispronunciations, bullied in school, problem for future employment opportunities)? You should, very gently, say something.

twinkledag Thu 16-May-19 17:56:46

@MyNewBearTotoro - I know a child called Zebedee 😂

Haffiana Thu 16-May-19 18:00:32

If it is Jayden/Hayden/Braden then you need to tell her the truth. Most other names are just a matter of taste really.

GU24Mum Thu 16-May-19 18:00:33

Can't you say something like "oh, I'm probably not the best person to ask as I like [really boring/unusual] names" (depending what she's going for.

HomeMadeMadness Thu 16-May-19 18:05:22

the most important thing is that you love it and once it’s her name everyone who loves her will love it too, but I would be concerned that it might not age well / be a bit too unusual / raise some eyebrows / etc.

I think this is perfect if the name is something odd. If it's something fairly ordinary that you happen not to like then just say it's lovely.

horizontalis Thu 16-May-19 18:05:58

something made up (Bowjewelaze)

Yes please wine

juneau Thu 16-May-19 18:07:56

Hmm difficult one. I think if it's a perfectly acceptable name that you just don't personally like then I'd probably say 'It's lovely'. If it's made up/misspelled/utterly naff then I think I'd say that unusual names aren't what you'd choose, but if they like it then that's the main thing. She does want you to validate their choice, but if it's really awful then I'd stop short of doing that, because people DO judge, they do snigger about awful names and say 'God, poor kid!'.

You could always hedge and encourage her to pick something that she could imagine the CEO of a company being called.

MollyHuaCha Thu 16-May-19 18:11:56

I would say 'Mmm, Muriel, that's certainly different...'.

Petalflowers Thu 16-May-19 18:11:58

I agree with HB, ifs it’s a standard name, such as Charles, Henry, or even an older name such as Ernest or Cecil, then you need tomsay ‘that’s lovely’. However, if it’s wacky, unusual spelling, etc then go along the ‘its Not to my taste’ line.

WorraLiberty Thu 16-May-19 18:12:18

Jesus Christ

When I ask my best friend's opinion it's because I truly want my best friend's you know...^actual opinion^.

Otherwise I'd ask the cat grin

But seriously, why do so many of you tell lies to your best friends?

If you don't like it, it's perfectly reasonable to say "Nah, I'm not keen".

Aimily Thu 16-May-19 18:12:47

If you just don't like it then I think "it's not a name I would choose myself, but if you love it, she is your child so thats what matters" is a fair reply

If it's offensive, tell her.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Thu 16-May-19 18:17:00

Tread carefully.

‘Gladys ? What a fucking awful name!’
‘That was my recently deceased grandmas name’

But then again
‘Arsen - with the surname Fook? Not a good idea’

small2018 Thu 16-May-19 18:17:03

Lol at the name being AIBU 😂

Could work in the Asian culture!

small2018 Thu 16-May-19 18:17:26

Arsen Fook 😂

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Thu 16-May-19 18:20:12

A child in DS class has the original surname ‘dikshit’ (possibly not spelled like that but definitely pronounced that way). The parents changed the name when they moved to the Uk. Luckily the boys name wasn’t Willy.

Batinahat Thu 16-May-19 18:20:42

"So glad you found a name you love! Can't wait to meet him/her soon smile"

TheVanguardSix Thu 16-May-19 18:23:49

Not your baby, not your issue. Be gracious. Say nothing. Chances are she'll go with the name anyway, despite protests. So don't blot your copy book and just keep it cool.

Beautiful3 Thu 16-May-19 18:26:37

Agree with @UCOinanOCG

puppy23 Thu 16-May-19 18:27:25

@Mummyoflittledragon I was wondering the same!

WorraLiberty Thu 16-May-19 18:27:37

"She is pregnant due in a month and she has texted me to ask what I think of the name they have chosen."

"So glad you found a name you love! Can't wait to meet him/her soon smile "

Right but what happens when she replies, "Yes but I just asked you what you think of the name we've chosen"?

MythicalBiologicalFennel Thu 16-May-19 18:30:33

Ah 3 pages in and the name hasn't been revealed... Names are mostly a matter of taste and very personal.

I remember my friend being very vocal about my choice of name for DS ("it's a dog's name" - classic name but not top 100, never seen or heard of a dog with that name). She called her DD a safe cutesy name. When we walk to and from school together we see many dog walkers - we have heard 3 different dogs being called by her DD's name... Of course I have never said anything.

SniffleSneeze Thu 16-May-19 18:32:36

^Oscar or Rufus?

theluckiest Thu 16-May-19 18:36:42

Oh god, it's Cersei isn't it? grin

Morgan12 Thu 16-May-19 18:42:26

Bumfuck arsedonkey 😂😂😁😁

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Thu 16-May-19 18:42:32

Rex or spot?

We have been ‘introduced’ to many a dog in the park with the same name as DS when he was little (who has a perfectly normal people name). The way some dog owners react it’s as if his name was Rover!

Gintonic Thu 16-May-19 18:47:02

Balonz Arsen Fook. A tenner for the first MNer to call their child this.

Alsohuman Thu 16-May-19 18:49:40

It’s Chlamidia, isn’t it?

Driftingthoughlife Thu 16-May-19 19:21:10

It’s Nellie-Ann

PaintingOwls Thu 16-May-19 19:32:13

Yeah I hate that too. Literally Silly-Ann.

Is she aware that Nellie also means silly?

Driftingthoughlife Thu 16-May-19 19:35:33

I just think of nelly the elephant and also I know someone called Nel not Nellie but despite having he shortened version she got called smelly Nellie

Bluntness100 Thu 16-May-19 19:36:02

Yeah, I'm with you, I'm not keen on that either to be honest. It's the Nellie bit.

I think I'd be vague. Something like " that's an unusual choice, what made you think of that, and what does your partner think?"

Drogosnextwife Thu 16-May-19 19:36:03

Nellie the elephant packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus, off she went with a trumpity trump, trump, trump, trump!

I did have a great aunt called Nellie, she was lovely.

dayswithaY Thu 16-May-19 19:37:27

I've heard worse, say nothing.

Fatasfooook Thu 16-May-19 19:38:31

My bff was honest with me in this same situation and thank goodness she was! Looking back it was a truly awful name! Pregnancy does weird things to your brain

10000thusername Thu 16-May-19 19:38:35

Love Nellie but not Ann

Bluntness100 Thu 16-May-19 19:39:08

Nellie the elephant packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus, off she went with a trumpity trump, trump, trump, trump!

Actually that could be the answer. Text her this with a load of laughing emojis. Then tomorrow text her and say " oh god I was so drunk when I texted that last night, sorry."

HBStowe Thu 16-May-19 19:39:58

Nellie-Ann isn’t silly / invented enough for you to be honest imo. This falls into the camp of ‘not to your taste but not beyond the pale’ and so you should say it’s lovely.

I don’t mind it myself, though I wouldn’t choose it.

Fatasfooook Thu 16-May-19 19:40:08

Is it possible she is having a laugh and testing you to see what you would say?

Ellieboolou27 Thu 16-May-19 19:40:20

Nellie is usually an nn but it’s quite nice and underused, never heard that it means silly.

I have close friends with children and not keen on any of thier kids names tbh - would never say though as it’s rude and hurtful.

desparate4sleep Thu 16-May-19 19:41:51

Nellie isnt great to start with but to add the Ann makes it awful. I would tell her it wouldn't be your choice

Alsohuman Thu 16-May-19 19:41:55

That’s nice. If I were Nellie l’d probably ditch the Ann as l got older.

Ellieboolou27 Thu 16-May-19 19:42:18

I might be bias as my beautiful late grandmother was Nellie, her actual name was Ellen and Nellie for her nn

NCforthis2019 Thu 16-May-19 19:42:53

Nellie-Ann sounds like a donkeys name and inknow a lot is ‘-ann’s’ - this is the first time I’ve actually disliked the first and second name when joined together.

Tell her you don’t like it but she should what she likes. It’s her child.

Bluntness100 Thu 16-May-19 19:43:02

The thing is, if she uses it, every time someone says the kids name you're going to be thinking Nellie the elephant and hear the song in your head.🤣

Aprillygirl Thu 16-May-19 19:43:03

She's asked for your opinion so she can't really get the huff if you give it can she? Just tell her you're not sure about it,which everyone knows is code for 'I fucking hate it.' Job done.

DorothyZbornak Thu 16-May-19 19:43:51

Oh God, the first thing I thought of was the spoilt brat from "Little house on the prairie". It's a definite no from me!

I don't like this two name thing anyway. I know someone who has a Lilli Sue and a Daisi Mai. Yes, that is how she spells them .....

Icecreamandraspberry Thu 16-May-19 19:44:24

I like Nellie, expect they'll drop the Ann later.
Isn't it short for Helena?
"Pretty name, can't wait to meet her'

SleepingStandingUp Thu 16-May-19 19:44:40

Agree, moderated honesty
It isn't my personal taste but what matters is you love it
I wouldn't have picked it, but I'm sure it'll suit her
Etc

PattyCow Thu 16-May-19 19:45:47

Perhaps gently suggest Nell would be nicer and less likely to get her bullied as Nellie means silly which is exactly what a hyphenated first name is...

thatsnotwhatitsusedfor Thu 16-May-19 19:46:21

Whilst I genuinely do really like the name Nellie, ‘Nellie-Ann’ sounds like something a young girl would call her fanny.

MikeUniformMike Thu 16-May-19 19:46:54

It sounds nice but looks dreadful. It would be better without the hyphen.

Alsohuman Thu 16-May-19 19:47:24

I’ve never heard it means silly. Is this a regional thing?

CoraPirbright Thu 16-May-19 19:47:32

Agree with Sleeping

“Not my cup of tea but if you like it ....,”

I like Nell but Nellie-Ann is god-awful!!

Snuffalo Thu 16-May-19 19:48:12

I always pronounce AIBU as 'eye-boo' in my head, it would be a fine name grin

crispysausagerolls Thu 16-May-19 19:48:15

Nellie-Ann is a bad name but just smile and nod and say how lovely!

If you don’t and you say you don’t like it and she calls her child that she will always think of you as the friend who doesn’t like her child’s name. Your opinion is unlikely to change her mind.

Take this from someone whose friend is suggesting the most god awful names in a bid to be unusual.

Jeezoh Thu 16-May-19 19:49:26

Could you say “As you know I prefer more traditional/unusual/gender neutral (delete as appropriate) names but if you love it, that’s all that matters”

angieloumc Thu 16-May-19 19:49:44

I know someone whose 3 youngest girls are Princess-Honey Rose, Nevaeh-Lee Brooke and Blossom-Skye Yvonne. I kid you not.
So Nellie-Ann doesn't seem quite so bad.

woodcutbirds Thu 16-May-19 19:51:42

I think you have to be honest. A friend of mine wanted to give her son a ridiculous name. I was very open about my dislike of it and pointed out he was a human not her pet and he'd get ridiculed all his life for it. (Along the lines of hideous sleb kiddeeze names like Honeychucklepie). In the end she gave him a totally normal name. Her daughter had a mid-way outlandish name that no one disagreed with and now my friend regrets it.

Jux Thu 16-May-19 19:53:28

I like Nellie.

Shadow1234 Thu 16-May-19 19:54:05

If it was my best mate and she valued my opinion, there is no way I would lie to her. I agree with others who have said be honest, but in a subtle/tactful way.

Something along the lines of:
'Its not something I personally would chose, but if you like it, then don't let me put you off, after all, it's your decision that matters'

IvanaPee Thu 16-May-19 19:56:15

Is it actually going to be Nellie Ann, like Sarah Jane?

Or just Nellie? Maybe suggest Nell instead?

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