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AIBU?

To think husband should stop asking for money?

68 replies

Alwaysmoney · 28/03/2019 17:06

So husband earns £1200/ month
I usually earn £1800/month, but I've currently got a temporary contract giving me £2100/ month (this is only for 12 months, then my wage goes back to normal)

Husband keeps asking me for money to do his hobbies, even before my temporary wage increase. Since the wage increase its more frequent.

For household bills and shopping etc. he puts in £600/month, I do £1200/ month. The idea of this was that we would both have £600/month to spend on ourselves/ treats etc.

Last year we agreed I would pay the balance on the holiday for next year, and he would cover spending money. Now he says he can afford maybe half of spending money and I'll need to pay the extra.

In December I put £500 towards new equipment for his hobby, with the agreement he would do extra work around home improvements instead of me doing it. He hasn't done any of this yet.

In January he asked to borrow £150 and said he would pay back £50 in Feb, March and April. I haven't yet received anything.

He has now asked for £50 to go towards a new tattoo this weekend (that has been booked for months) as without it he wouldn't be able to add to his savings.

I couldn't tell you the last time I bought anything for myself. My £600 goes on him, the house, DC, extra shopping, fuel etc. I haven't had new clothes since before I was pregnant with DC who is now 1. I have an extra bill of £250 this month due to career requirements (unable to claim back through work).

Wibu to say no chance is he getting any more money? I want to not have to take out of savings every month and be left with hardly anything when it's because he's spending all my money on him and putting his into his savings.

OP posts:

Report

Babooshkar · 28/03/2019 17:08

He is taking the absolute piss.. Stop enabling him!

GabriellaMontez · 28/03/2019 17:08

I can't believe you are even considering giving him this money. Of course yanbu.

Why have you given him so much already?

LordNibbler · 28/03/2019 17:09

I'd be telling him to fuck right off. He's taking you for an idiot. It's up to you if you let him.

BlueSkiesLies · 28/03/2019 17:09

He has now asked for £50 to go towards a new tattoo this weekend (that has been booked for months) as without it he wouldn't be able to add to his savings.

Huh?

That is exactly the kind of thing he should use his savings for!

HuckfromScandal · 28/03/2019 17:10

I had one of these.
Very grateful not to have him anymore.
It would be a deal breaker for me I am afraid.
He really doesn’t respect you very much.

TheQueef · 28/03/2019 17:11

You're being mugged.

mindutopia · 28/03/2019 17:11

Not a chance, though surely shouldn’t other costs like the house, food shopping, children’s expenses, etc should come out of your joint expenses - and definitely no, you shouldn’t be paying for his hobby.

LuckyLou7 · 28/03/2019 17:12

This attitude is a deal breaker. Tell him to fuck off.

LordNibbler · 28/03/2019 17:12

I think his hobby is mugging OP

StormTreader · 28/03/2019 17:13

"without it he wouldn't be able to add to his savings."

Diddums. Time to sharply let him know that YOU have been taking out of savings to fund all his fun and it's going to stop as-of now.

Quartz2208 · 28/03/2019 17:13

so he is saving his money and spending yours

Oh OP he is taking you for a ride

Alwaysmoney · 28/03/2019 17:13

BlueSkiesLies that's exactly what I've been saying. Apparently if he uses his savings for that he won't be able to use them to pay for holiday spending money. I think that's not my problem and her shouldve thought of that before booking it.

GabriellaMontez i have no real intention of giving him it, I just know he will want to argue if I say no.

He's inherently selfish it seems. As long as he has money and time to do his hobbies he isn't interested.

OP posts:

Glittery1 · 28/03/2019 17:13

He's ripping the piss right out of you.

I've been there and done that. Would not put up with it again.

outpinked · 28/03/2019 17:13

He doesn’t have much respect for you. You have £600 a month spare cash each to do whatever you wish with and he still expects hand outs from you on top of that- it’s utterly ridiculous and he is taking the royal piss. Stop enabling his behaviour.

Motoko · 28/03/2019 17:14

If you both have equal spending money, then when he's spent his, it's tough shit. Stop subbing him. He's expecting this extra money from you, so won't learn to budget properly, because he knows you'll pay for things.

Also, household stuff, and things for the child/ren, should come from a joint pot.

Why don't you put both your wages into the joint account, for all bills and household/holidays/children's stuff, to come out of, and then split what's left, equally between you.

Alwaysmoney · 28/03/2019 17:16

mindutopia most do come out of the joint account. It's just little bits like if I go to Tesco on my way home from work for bread or just a couple of things I use my card instead of the joint. It adds up though.

Just to mention about my savings - I've been on maternity leave so I was using them to top up to normal wage previously. I had a few outstanding bills that needed covering when I went back to work which is why I've still been using them a bit.

OP posts:

StormTreader · 28/03/2019 17:18

He'll live without getting the tattoo he wants. In fact, when was the last time he DIDN'T get something he wants?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 28/03/2019 17:20

without it he wouldn't be able to add to his savings.

No, without it he wouldn’t be able to get a tattoo. Which is absolutely fine! If you have to borrow money for a tattoo, you can’t afford a tattoo and you don’t need a tattoo.

Agree you are being taken for a mug Op. he is using you as a cash machine.

I would stop giving him anything at all. He has £600 a month to spend on himself!

Rtmhwales · 28/03/2019 17:22

Why were you using savings to top of your wage though? If the division of wages already is done on percentages to leave you with the same amount of spending money, he should've been contributing more than you when you were on maternity leave - he can't have it both ways. No matter what way you look at this, it's win-win for him and lose-lose for you.

EKGEMS · 28/03/2019 17:23

Tell him him you will pay for him to get an appropriate tattoo on his forehead that reads "Selfish bastard"

nokidshere · 28/03/2019 17:32

I couldn't tell you the last time I bought anything for myself. My £600 goes on him, the house, DC, extra shopping, fuel etc. I haven't had new clothes since before I was pregnant with DC who is now 1. I have an extra bill of £250 this month due to career requirements (unable to claim back through work).

If your 600 goes on the above then you don't have 600 disposable and more needs to be going into the joint.

Wibu to say no chance is he getting any more money? I want to not have to take out of savings every month and be left with hardly anything when it's because he's spending all my money on him and putting his into his savings.

Yes you would. He is an adult and you are a couple. Obviously the current financial arrangements aren't working for either of you so you need to sit down and work it out properly. Family savings, child activities, extra shopping, fuel, and all bills should all be coming out of the joint account.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 28/03/2019 17:32

I'd be tempted to put the majority of your next wage's spare cash into a 30 day access savings account. Just keep out what you need. Then if he asks for cash you can legitimately say you don't have it. And maybe ask him for some when you need it.

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RandomMess · 28/03/2019 17:33

I remember your last post about the same thing!

(Or someone with the same issue)

Say no and mean it, he has a spending problem!

Petitprince · 28/03/2019 17:36

In December I put £500 towards new equipment for his hobby, with the agreement he would do extra work around home improvements instead of me doing it. He hasn't done any of this yet.
In January he asked to borrow £150 and said he would pay back £50 in Feb, March and April. I haven't yet received anything.

What happens when you mention this?

LannieDuck · 28/03/2019 17:38

If you've been on mat leave, the short-fall should be made up by both of you, not just from your savings.

I agree with PP - you both have £600/mth. He can spend his or save his. What he can't do it spend yours.

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