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Why won't he tell them ?!

(67 Posts)
Rainstopped Wed 27-Mar-19 08:42:17

DH generally sees DSS on Saturday's while it's his sports season. Takes DSS to his game then they hang out. Easy pattern has formed. This weekend we going away, DSS still hasn't told DSS or his mum that he won't be about. His reason, I'm busy/stressed, I'll get to it. I think his reason is he doesn't want Ex and DSS kicking off because he is choosing to go away with me and not including DSS.
So he's trying to avoid the issue.
AIBU to think it's shitty behaviour, with notice this could have been handled with easy. If I was ex I would have assumed this would be happening and would be annoyed to get let down at last minute....

Whatsnewpussyhat Wed 27-Mar-19 08:50:27

Yes he is being a cowardly gobshite.

Is he intending to leave it until his son is sat waiting for him on Sat morning before coming up with some bollocks excuse?
He will probably say Rain has booked a weekend away sorry, putting the blame on you.

Rainstopped Wed 27-Mar-19 08:58:46

I just can't get my head around it. I appreciates that he has a very difficult relationship with ex. But surely this is worse!! If you had 6 weeks notice you could plan. But this is plain shit. It's kinda ruining my thoughts of the weekend m, as I know it's going to cause upset!

Mememeplease Wed 27-Mar-19 09:04:25

Tell him he's being a disrespectful arse.
I'd force his hand by saying I won't go on the weekend away unless he tells them now.

pasturesgreen Wed 27-Mar-19 09:06:44

That's not on, but you know that already. He needs to let them know today, it's not as though if he buries his head in the sand long enough the issue will magically go away hmm

AnchorDownDeepBreath Wed 27-Mar-19 09:08:58

Is planning on saying you got a last minute deal and it's non refundable? I'd be telling him to pull himself together; it's a crap way to treat his son and ex.

NWQM Wed 27-Mar-19 09:09:24

Hate to ask but does he really want to go on the weekend away? If it all kicks off Saturday will he 'just have' to sort that out and not go?

Whose idea was the weekend?

CCquavers Wed 27-Mar-19 09:10:55

I hope his ex hasn’t booked to go away!

Springwalk Wed 27-Mar-19 09:19:24

I works assume that he is expecting a fallout and will back out of the weekend away at the last minute, citing his ex’a reaction as the reason. He sounds very weak and lacking, not sure I would be thrilled or impressed either.

Dramatical Wed 27-Mar-19 09:22:14

just can't get my head around it

Neither can I. What's wrong with asking the mother in advance in case she has plans? Because that would be the normal approach, ask the person who would have to cover that weekend. As it is your DH is being a prick.

pumpkinpie01 Wed 27-Mar-19 09:22:38

The ex could well have made plans Saturday I would not be happy if I was her , how old is DSS?

ChicCroissant Wed 27-Mar-19 09:26:43

I would assume that he doesn't really want to go away at the weekend and would prefer to see his son tbh, OP.

Would you still be able to go late on Saturday after the game?

Innernutshell Wed 27-Mar-19 09:31:18

Well its up to him to handle really - and to deal with any flack if he leaves it to the last minute.

Leave him to it. He may or may not learn to do it differently next time.

ChicCroissant Wed 27-Mar-19 09:37:26

I wouldn't recommend saying that you won't go unless he tells his ex as that may be what he is after - did you book the weekend OP, not him?

Gruzinkerbell1 Wed 27-Mar-19 09:50:11

Take notes OP, because if you ever have kids together and then split up, he’ll be just as useless and pathetic towards your children too.

QueenEhlana Wed 27-Mar-19 09:54:24

Are you sure it won't be you that gets the last minute cancellation?!

Warmhandscoldheart Wed 27-Mar-19 10:03:23

I was the ex who had to explain to my DC'S when their father didn't turn up for his access visits. I kept excuses vague when I wanted to yell because he's too bloody self centered to pick up a phone. He's handling this very badly.

Acis Wed 27-Mar-19 10:05:24

So what does he plan to do if his ex has unbreakable plans for Saturday?

cuppycakey Wed 27-Mar-19 10:20:14

He sounds utterly pathetic.

TheInvestigator Wed 27-Mar-19 10:23:47

Sorry OP but you really can't go away this weekend. He has a commitment to his son, and he hasn't bothered to inform his son or the other parent who will be left dealing with childcare or transport arrangements. He's had weeks to let them know but hasn't and it's too late now.

Of course you're entitled to some time away and weekends alone, but when you have a child you need to ensure that arrangements are made and he hasn't done that. It's way too short notice now and if you go, then you're both pretty shit parent/step-parent.

Aubaine Wed 27-Mar-19 10:29:55

I too think it’ll be you that gets cancelled OP. Can you go alone/with a friend? How incredibly frustrating for you, especially when you’ve reminded him several times.

Rainstopped Wed 27-Mar-19 10:31:56

100% his booking, with his family for a special birthday. Not a romantic weekend away that I'll be dumped for over his child.

Worriedmum32 Wed 27-Mar-19 10:34:50

You shouldn't have booked the weekend away until you had got the Ok to change days or ask ex and DSS.

She may well have plans of her now, seeing his DC isn't an optional thing you can chop and change and it should have been dealt with the same way it would with work e.g. suggest a weekend and ask if okay before booking.

Sparklesocks Wed 27-Mar-19 10:35:07

It’s a really strange, child-like approach – avoid avoid avoid and it might go away, that’s how kids think! Adults are meant to tackle things head on and deal directly.

His ex might may have plans as she is none the wiser!

Really poor form of him.

timeisnotaline Wed 27-Mar-19 10:35:11

He can’t dump his child. He has to make arrangements and if he can’t - harder at short notice - then he can’t go away as he has a commitment. Just like other parents. Dh and I have a weekend away in May and we have lined childcare up months ago. Otherwise we couldn’t go.

Is he usually a shit dad?

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