RE teenage D Sis, and my new puppy.

[Bamchic]

D sis is ten years younger than me (she’s 18) we live not far from each other (7 miles) and recently DH and I decided to get a cockerpoo. (Our last dog died a year or so ago) DDog is 8 weeks old, we’ve had her a few days and it is fair to say Dsis is enamoured and obsessed which is lovely.
However she wants to take DDog off to a friends house this pm without me and I have said no.
My reasons being
DDog hasn’t been to said friends house before, and hasn’t really been with anyone but me and DH since we got her,
D friends have a carpeted house, and whilst we are making fab progress on toilet training I really don’t want her to pee or poo on someone lovely carpet.
I don’t know where she’s going, or how long she will be and DDog hasn’t had all her jabs yet.
DDog is also zonked as we had the neighbors round this AM for a cuppa, so not only has she been chased by the toddler, she’s had a 3 year old golden retriever a 6 yo and a 7 yo to play with from 830 -11.

The solutions I have offered.
If DM and DF don’t mind (d sis still lives at home with our parents) I’m happy to leave the puppy there and she can have friends over to dm’s (we go there quite regularly, and the dog has a toileting area outside, and mum and dad have all oak flooring in case there was an accident I know where their cleaning stuff is, and could sort it rapido, although as she knows where to go I think it would be fine!)

I can bring DDog to meet the friends at home, but I must stay.

We can go to a cafe or country pub local to Dsis and friends, and I will buy everyone a drink and we can all chill there. (Friends of mine and dh’s run both the cafe and pub with me having previously worked in the cafe and DH in the pub, so we are a bit like old furniture and have popped in a few times with the dog, so she knows what’s what.)

D sis has just sent me this message in response

“You’re really selfish bam, I can’t believe you won’t let me take puppychic out to x y z’s House. You’re really letting everyone down. Don’t expect me to give you your tyre pump or your black dress back, I’m taking them to the tip. Fuck off”

Pretty sure IANBU. But good grief. Teenagers!!

[Windowsareforcheaters]

Inexcusable.

I don't care how old she is. Being a teenager is no excuse and she is hardly a 13 year old struggling with new emotions.

I would tell her in no uncertain terms exactly how rude she is.

[ltk]

Your puppy is not a toy or accessory to show off to friends, as you seem to understand but ds does not
And after that last message, I would not let her have anything.

[MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours]

ooh dear isn't she a one!

I'd message back somethng sarky begging her not to tip the tyre pump what with you being such a let down and all ....too full of the cold to think of anything witty

and YADNBU...what a brat she is!

[Confusedbeetle]

Just No. What a madam

[Jokie]

I'd definitely tell her that her attitude is not acceptable. You gave a lot of options so id not be letting her off easy for that reply

[user1483387154]

She needs to grow up

[Bamchic]

Thanks all.
I was sure she was being a brat. But you know that wave of “what the hell this is so ridiculous” that makes you doubt yourself 🤷‍♀️😂

[Bamchic]

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours the tyre pump is our dads... I think she’s forgotten that I only borrowed it for my MOT when I hurt my knee at netball! It’s one of those electric ones and iirc it cost him about 80 quid. I’m sure he’d be chuffed if she binned it!

[Otterseatpuffinsdontthey]

The message, for me, would totally confirm you've made the right decision. She sounds 18 going on 8!
I'd also be withdrawing the options/solutions meantime - at least until after she's returned the property she's borrowed.
I'd be particularly concerned, as pup not had all vaccinations + she sounds very immature, that she'd be taking it out - probably to local park, and letting it run about.

[diabeticsanon]

dd will get over it, let her sulk.

[altiara]

I’d remind her that she’s supposed to be adult at 18.
I don’t think I’d have contact until she apologised properly including remembering that puppy is not a toy but a living creature.
And I’d never lend her anything again even when she’s 30.

[Berthatydfil]

Its a concern that she’s threatening to trash your possessions as a result of your saying no to her.
Are these items expensive or precious to you?
It’s clear she’s got no respect for you or your possessions.
I’m afraid I wouldn’t leave her alone with him even at your dms.
Your puppy is a baby animal not a possession to be shown off to all and sundry.

[Pennydreadful86]

Terrible!
At 18 I would never have dreamed of talking to anyone like that.
How embarrassing

[Luckingfovely]

She is being an entitled brat, that is appalling behaviour.

[MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours]

i'd message your dad to give him the heads up then, hopefully he can stop her in her tracks if she goes out

[starabara]

“Gosh, and the frightening thing is that at your age you are legally considered mature enough to be an adult”.

And I’d leave it at that.

[WhWt]

I am the same age (nearly) with a sister 10 years young also.

That’s not a “teenagers!!” response, that’s a vile spiteful bratty response.

I would be mortified if my sister spoke to anyone like that.

[Starch]

To be honest, if people are bending over backwards to find her ‘solutions’ all the time, it’s no wonder she’s a brat.

The dog is not a toy, to be shown off. That was the answer.

[weltenbummler]

"I will damage your possessions because you are not giving me exactly what I want when I want it" - very immature reaction for an 18 year old - too immature for you to trust her with your belongings in future, let alone with a living creature

[Bamchic]

Quite what I was thinking re, the walking and being out and about, and why I suggested she do it with me or mum about, somewhere we and the dog know. With regard to the stuff Luckily, the property isn’t hugely sentimental to me. But the tire pump was expensive, and isn’t mine! The dress was a charity shop jobby in all black I bought about eight years ago when I had an evening job in weatherspoons whilst I was at uni. But still - don’t trash peoples stuff when you don’t get your way.

I might mention it to mum though, I see her for a coffee every Sunday at four. So might just ask how d sis is doing generally.
She’s got PCOS, and has had horrendous moodswings during her time of the month a good few years ago, but these haven’t been present for years. I remember coming and living back at home for a year whilst we saved for the house when I was 22/23 and when she was on (once every 2/3 months) she was absolutely horrific, and it totally consumed her. She’s a grade a prefect at school, and then bam she was excluded for calling a teacher a stuck up wanker and threatening a lad.
It’s really rare, hasn’t happend for yonks and I thought mum and dad were having family and her own therapy but I’m not sure where they’re at with that.

It is generally really out of character though. Hoping for an apology any minute..

[Bamchic]

But maybe I’m just making excuses for her being an asshole?
I’ve just sent starabara ‘s response

[lilabet2]

Wow! She sounds like a toddler.

You don't need to do anything to enable her friends to meet your puppy! You have obviously tried really hard to enable that to happen and she's still reacting in an irrationally aggressive way. She's 18, not 8.

Your puppy is tiny and only just old enough to be away from her mother. If she's also not fully vaccinated then it's risky to her health to be put on the ground/carpet in unfamiliar places. Send the message that she sent to your parents, along with an explanation that your tiny puppy is at risk from serious disease until fully vaccinated.

[pictish]

“DSis, puppy is my dog not yours. Puppy hasn’t had his inoculations and is still very new to all of us so it’s a no. Your message was very rude.”

[pictish]

Oh no...did you? You’ve just lowered yourself to her level with a counter attack and petty insults, rather than calmly assume the upper hand.
Oh well.

[Bamchic]

lilabet exactly. We’ve had dogs and puppies at home all our lives, she’s not an idiot. (Although today’s behaviour indicates otherwise..)
The places I selected were places I knew she’d be safe, that she knows and that pup, d sis and her friends would feel happy.