To think that the onus lies with my neighbour to get her toddler into an acceptable routine?

[makingmiracles]

So we live in a flat, upstairs. We’re very conscious of that as lived her over a decade, don’t play music, have carpet throughout, don’t have pets etc. Only use hoover and washing machine during normal waking hours eg 8-7pm. I can appreciate that upstairs flats can be noisy but we try our best not to be deliberately noisy in any way, from 10pm-7am most days, everyone is asleep, so no noise.

Downstairs in complaining about noise, but her toddler dd is sleeping a lot of the daytime and waking around midnight and doesn’t go back to sleep till 5-7am. Consequently, understandably, my neighbour and daughter are then wanting to sleep in the daytime when my household is up and about, walking around and making low level noise, so she is getting irate about not being able to because of our noise, she has contacted the council and they have written us a letter!

Aibu to think that actually her dd is no longer a newborn who can’t distinguish day/night and that she needs to work much harder on getting her dd into a normal sleep pattern?
At the moment she is not doing anything to try and help herself or recitify it-when her dd wakes, she turns on her bedroom light, takes her into her living room and watches tv/starts doing housework, so imo her daughter obviously thinks it’s ok to be waking as mummy lets her watch tv and eat etc.

I know not all children are easy, I’ve been very lucky with mine, but surely most people would have or try to get their 2yr old into a normal day/night pattern by now?

[homegrownmumma]

You seem to be a very considerate neighbour and yes the 2 year olds routine need to be sorted , if she didn't sleep
So much in the day then she would probably sleep more at night !
Just Carry on with what your doing , you have every right to live your day to day life without worrying about upsetting neighbours

[SnuggyBuggy]

She is being ridiculous to expect you to be accommodating her sleep pattern whether it's because of a child or a shift pattern.

[Namechangeforthiscancershit]

I can’t believe the council wrote to you about this. What do they want you to do?

[Tolleshunt]

I was all set to say you were being U to try and dictate a toddler's sleep timings. But this sleep pattern is ridiculous, and you cannot be expected to accommodate it by not walking around your own flat! It sounds like you are well-aware of how the sounds from your activities travel, and mitigate them accordingly, in a reasonable fashion.

Your neighbour needs to get her DD into a reasonable pattern, and this issue about being woken should spur her on to doing so, not try and get you to accommodate what is a highly unusual routine. How ridiculous!

I don't know what the council letter says, but do you need to reply along the lines of what you have written here, of more politely/formally written? I bet the council' still own guidelines allow reasonable noise within the times you are making it. I don't see how she has a leg to stand on.

[Hunter037]

Complain to the council in return anout then having the TV on and doing house work at 3am.

She should definitely be sorting out the toddlers routine. Watching TV all night is ridiculous. Surely the child will shortly be going to preschool and therefore not able to sleep all day.

[Amanduh]

She’s being ridiculous expecting you to be quiet in the daytime.
But you are also being u about her toddlers routine, you don’t know why/what is going on so that’s very unfair to say about her pattern etc, keep your nose out. The noise yadnbu though, you have every right to make normal noise in the day time!

[SubparOwl]

When I read your title I thought you would be complaining about her noise, and that you were probably being unfair, but no, YANBU!

[Amanduh]

Also, if the child is two. Why would they neccesarily be starting pre school? She might not go anywhere until she’s 4/5 and goes to school. I would reply to the council, I can’t believe they’re written to you!

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

But you are also being u about her toddlers routine, you don’t know why/what is going on so that’s very unfair to say about her pattern etc, keep your nose out

It's not poking your nose in to be concerned once you've got a letter from the council, the neighbour has made this the OP's problem too.
I can't see any reason for any 2 year old to go to sleep at 5am.

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

Are you renting, btw? If so I'd suggest getting in touch with your landlord / agent proactively so they don't hear first from her (or if she's renting, you could always get in touch with hers).

[Monty27]

Carry on as you are. You're doing everything right

[MaybeitsMaybelline]

Write back to the council and tell,them the truth? Say you are happy for them to monitor the noise for a twenty four hour period and see who is unreasonable.

[user1493413286]

To be honest what she wants to do with her toddler is up to her but there is no expectation that you’re quiet during the day no matter what the reason.
When my DD was newborn and often sleeping in the day I never expected my neighbours to be quiet just because I was sleeping too

[Cremeeggsareforever]

I was ready to tell you (from the title) you are being U but actually, she is being ridiculous.

I wish our old upstairs neighbours were like you. Had the tv on full blast at all hours, their grandkids used to run and dive about so much that our plated would rattle in our cupboards, and then they had the audacity to try and block access when THEIR pipework was leaking in to our lounge, so the insurance company struggled to fix it quickly.

She doesn't know how good she has it!

[youarenotkiddingme]

Id write to council.

I'd be polite and factual.

Something like ......

Thankyou for letter. We've lived here 10 years so understand flat living. We have carpets etc and our household sleeps from 10-7 and we limit our noisier household tasks to 8-7 (eg washing/hovering).
We appreciate household noises are disturbing our neighbour because they wish to sleep during the day due to her being up from 12-5am watching TV etc.
Say you will continue to be respectful with your tasks being completed at a reasonable hour and ask council if they have any other advice which doesn't impact your own right to peaceful and comfortable living in your own home.
Send a copy to your neighbour!

It's not argumentative and doesn't disagree with neighbour - whilst pointing out your neighbour is being ridiculous!

[Purplecatshopaholic]

She sounds a bit of nutter actually. You have to get them into some semblance of routine around Night and Day, its how the world works....

[Seline]

What noise exactly is she complaining about? What are you doing?

[Spam88]

If I was feeling petty then I'd submit a complaint about them being noisy between midnight and 5am on a regular basis...

[pictish]

Yes...what did the council letter say? What noise is she complaining about?

Yanbu (on the face of it) by the way...she sounds really selfish.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

She’s a silly cow. I would write back to the council and mention the hours she keeps.

[pictish]

Is it normal noise she’s complaining about? Like the washing machine, hoovering, chatter, footsteps etc?

Does she really expect you to be silent all day to essentially facilitate her toddler being nocturnal?
I mean wtf?

[user1471426142]

That is ridiculous. I’m amazed the council has actually written to you although no wonder she’s gone a bit mad if she is awake 12-5 every day. That is not a healthy pattern of sleep for a toddler or for her and I wouldn’t be overly quiet during the day because she’s got a crap routine. You have a right to live and use your home.

[SnuggyBuggy]

To be honest it makes me wonder if any human from the council has actually read her letter or if it's one of those programs that reads and copies and pastes text into a reply.

[makingmiracles]

@cremeggs quite! What complicates the situation is the flats are a block of four, so 2upstairs, two ground floor and our upstairs neighbours are pretty noisy, banging around alot(not sure what they are up to when they’re banging around!) have loud rows now and then and play loud music every now and then, but sometimes at not great hours eg basey music at 8am on a Sunday morning, that all four flats can clearly hear!

Our noise that she is complaining about is our toddler running about, 2.5yr old( just recently started having mammoth throw-yourself-on-the-floor-screaming tantrums) and general talking, walking about etc, she insists that it’s been a problem since Xmas, though she has lived here 18m and we haven’t changed anything in our routines.

I appreciate that a toddler running about is disruptive but I do take her out two days a week and in all fairness, if her toddler was awake during the day I don’t understand why it would be such an issue.

I wrote a massive email to our housing officer last night so I’m hoping she rings today and I assume that if the council turn up with a monitoring device it won’t really pick anything up other than the toddler running about- the only thing that does concern me is that the council device picks up next door upstairs noise thinking it’s ours as I’m sure directionally they can’t tell where it’s coming from. The person who lives under noisy upstairs is an old lady, always moans about them and the noise but won’t ever complain through official channels.

[Ohtherewearethen]

Gosh she really sounds like 'that' parent who think a the world revolves around her child's sleeping habits. Living in a downstairs flat she surely has to expect a certain amount of unavoidable noise from upstairs. It's not like you're an Olympic clog dancer. If you are aware of her routine then she must have disturbed you more than once so I think it would be worth mentioning that to the council. She must have laid it on really thick to get the council to write to you. I thought it was quite difficult to get anything done about noise during 'reasonable' hours?