I'd really appreciate some sensible views please. My OH and I are considering selling our homes (he owns and I own separately) and buying a more suitable place together. He has slightly more equity than me but that's not the issue.
The issue is he has said several times he would like us both to write out/list exactly what our income and our outgoings are. I've said to him that my salary is x, my total credit card debt is y and my outstanding mortgage is z and that I am willing to borrow x amount. He knows if he asks me what is your phone bill I will tell him. I just don't see why I need to list out all my income and outgoings for him.
Of course when we go to the bank re a mortgage app we need to know our figures but I just don't see why he needs a total break down. I have nothing to hide btw!
I think part of the reason I'm hesitant is he has joked in the past that I could pay all my salary to him and he'd pay bills and invest and give me an allowance. He's also very money conscious and loves to save and invest etc. He'd said once before that when we live together/get married we'd discuss things like gym memberships etc to see what we can afford - I'm very independent and earn a good salary as does he and I told him that absolutely not! I currently live alone with my child and I pay for a nice gym and this will continue even when we are together! If we move to a new location yes I will be joining a nice new gym and I will not be asking him for permission.
The way I see it as long as neither of us in racking up debt and we both pay our half for the mortgage and bills we shouldn't need permission from each other for other things. Of course splashing out on a new TV or a car would be discussed but I don't want to feel like I cant spend my hard earned cash on a gym membership or whatever I choose.
If your partner wanted you to write out all your income and all your outgoings for them would you think it's normal or would you feel it's a bit ott? As I say, Ive told him my income, my mortgage debt, my total equity in my house and my credit card debt
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AIBU?
AIBU to think this is a red flag/controlling behaviour - finances and OH
61 replies
olympicsbaby · 19/11/2018 15:02
OP posts:
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