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AIBU?

To have forced the matter?

65 replies

GoJetterGirl · 26/09/2018 13:24

Right, it’s another inlaws thread I’m afraid...

So, I recently posted how FIL is having memory issues and he refuses to give up his driving licence or see a GP for help,

More recently, MIL is at the table and mentions that FIL received a letter from the DVLA about a fitness to drive assessment, she claims it is a mistake and that she has told him not to fill in the form or return it,

When pressed about why she told him that, she admitted that she doesn’t want her independence to come to an end!!

So, AIBU to contact the DVLA again to mention that they’ve just discarded the form and my concerns about his driving ability are quite serious? I’ve attempted to touch base with the GP, but I’ve been told that they can’t act unless the inlaws approach them with the problem

I get that the inlaws rely on their car, but I would never see them allowed to carry on driving only to kill or severely injure someone because their independence comes above everything else (in their heads at least!)

Is there anything else I can do to ensure that prompt action is taken before someone gets hurt?

OP posts:

Report

laurG · 26/09/2018 13:28

Force the matter. Completely irresponsible of them to ignore it. I wouldn’t go to the DVD’s behind their back though. I’d tell them they either do the test or you will contact both the gp and dvla for them.

Eatmycheese · 26/09/2018 13:31

If I knew someone who was driving when really they ought not to be for whatever reason then yes I would do something about it.
It’s not a question of being a bitch and stopping them popping here and there more a case of potentially saving theirs and someone’s else’s lives if the unthinkable happened

GoJetterGirl · 26/09/2018 13:32

Thank you @laurG

I’m 2 steps away from reporting him to erratic driving next time they are visiting, the irresponsibility is unbelievable!!!

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GoJetterGirl · 26/09/2018 13:33

My thoughts exactly Eatmycheese

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Aprilshowersnowastorm · 26/09/2018 13:33

Possibly saving lives by keeping him out of his car is the priority.
I reported exh to the police for drink driving knowing I would have to face the repercussions but it was my responsibility to do it.

GoJetterGirl · 26/09/2018 13:35

I had already contacted the DVLA and he had received a form to fill in, but as I said upthread MIL has told him to ignore it..

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PiperPublickOccurrences · 26/09/2018 13:36

Well she's not independent, is she? She's wholly reliant on her husband to ferry her around. Or it wouldn't be an issue.

If he's not safe to be on the road he's not safe full stop.

Singlenotsingle · 26/09/2018 13:36

Doesn't MIL drive?

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 26/09/2018 13:38

Ring them again and ask for advice.

RangeRider · 26/09/2018 13:38

Won't DVLA follow up anyway?

Ninabean17 · 26/09/2018 13:40

I would report.

AdoreTheBeach · 26/09/2018 13:40

Does anyone know if the DVLA take action for ignored requests, ie do they cancel/revoke drivers licence? Or is it only voluntary to provide the data requested?

GoJetterGirl · 26/09/2018 13:41

No, she doesn’t drive, and I won’t drive with her in the car, she nearly causes accidents... imagine being on the motorway and a car passes and tries to overtake and she moves until she’s practically sat on the centre console of the front or screams at you if she’s sat in the back... last time she got into a car with me I turned around and went home, dropped her off and told her she’s a liability... (about 5 years ago, my own medical condition meant I had to surrender my licence when I suffered a fit- never had another one since, but why take the chance?!)

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Bluelady · 26/09/2018 13:43

Unfortunately I think it's voluntary.

babyboyHarrison · 26/09/2018 13:44

My dad struggled to get dvla to do anything about my grans licence. Best thing that happened was she accidentally drove her car into the garage and wrote it off. Very slow she wasn't hurt and more importantly she didn't hurt anyone else. I realise that's not a solution but I understand your pain with it. Keep reporting to dvla and keep repeating your concerns to them. We had an incident with an elderly driver near us where they waved to let a pedestrian cross in front of them and then put their foot on the accelerator instead of break and drove the pour person through a shop window. They must have got confused and made a mistake but their reaction time was too slow and they drove across two lanes and into a shop window before coming to a stop. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes but the slow reaction afterwards seemed to be the bigger problem. Heard the pedestrian survived and is doing ok but absolutely terrible. Good luck hope you manage to get it resolved. Why can't your MIL drive? Maybe she should learn, I appreciate it may be hard but then they would maintain their independence and if something ever happened to your FIL she would still be able to drive.

GoJetterGirl · 26/09/2018 13:52

Why can't your MIL drive?

For the reasons I mentioned upthread, she’s nearly caused numerous accidents as a passenger, she’s also over 70, so would not likely be awarded a provisional license anyway...

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viques · 26/09/2018 13:55

Do you know who insures their car? I would ask them for their "advice" , they probably won't speak to you because of data protection, but I bet they would follow it up.

weaving5688 · 26/09/2018 13:56

is it time to have a bigger conversation about living somewhere more suitable to their life circumstances? It's unlikely to be the only problem they're facing.

Bluelady · 26/09/2018 13:56

Jeez, sounds like MiL would be a lot more dangerous than FiL!

ivykaty44 · 26/09/2018 14:00

contact there local non emergency police and request they go and have a firm chat to give up his licence as he is driving erratically- it will come better from the police and anyone could have reported erratic driving

Contact the DVLA

cheesefield · 26/09/2018 14:01

Are these the same dickhead ILS that were a nightmare with your DS being ill? Or have I mistaken you for someone else?

GoJetterGirl · 26/09/2018 14:02

is it time to have a bigger conversation about living somewhere more suitable to their life circumstances?

Mil refuses to consider moving to a bungalow or smaller property nearer amenities, they’re in a large 4 bed, miles outside a city, they could move to a smaller property or accept help, but she’s stubborn and if you’ve read my previous threads, you’ll get the measure of the pair of them when it comes to entitlement...

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GoJetterGirl · 26/09/2018 14:02

Yes cheesefield they’re one and the same

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cheesefield · 26/09/2018 14:04

How have you not strangled them both yet?

GoJetterGirl · 26/09/2018 14:04

How have you not strangled them both yet?

I value my clean DBS clearance for work....

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