to not go to Christmas party

[Clothrabbit]

An email went around work last week, announcing that our Christmas party would be taking place in a pub in town, finger food, a dance floor and band playing from 10pm. We had to reply by Monday evening so the organisers would know the numbers.

It's not really my type of thing so I sent back a polite email saying that unfortunately it clashed with another event so I wouldn't be attending.
A few other people declined as well, but a reasonable sized number are going.

However, a few people are going around saying that the organisers go to a lot of trouble and it's very mean of staff to not support the event. We have to pay for ourselves, which isn't a problem if it's something I'd enjoy, but loud music and dancing aren't my thing. I'm being made to feel guilty, though, and am wondering AIBU to not just suck it up for the evening and show willing? I really don't want to. Between drinks and food and a taxi home it won't be cheap, and I'll spend the whole day dreading it.

[chillpizza]

I hate work events outside of work hours. Your paid to work not be forced into socialising outside of work hours. Most people seem to hate them but go along though pressure from colleges that X went to a lot of effort. I wish companies would just send home a box of chocolates or something rather than an event.

[SoozC]

It's your choice to go or not. Ridiculous of people to say it's mean if you don't go. Stick to your guns and absolutely don't feel guilty. It's not mandatory, plus not everyone likes big group nights out like this.

[ScreamingValenta]

YANBU. I doubt the organisers expect everyone to go - there will always be prior engagements, and no one style of event will please everyone.

[Seniorcitizen1]

I never went to out of office events. Colleagues fine to work with but not people I would choose to socialise with. Ours were free - food and drink - as well as shared taxi home but not my cup of tea. If you don’t want to go don’t - what is planned seems horrendous to me.

[twoshedsjackson]

A reasonable number are up for it; it's their kind of thing, they will go and enjoy it. More power to their elbow. Do the complainers really want less enthusiastic participants putting a dampener on things? You could also point out that you weren't consulted at the planning stage, and would have preferred another form of celebration, like a concert or theatre trip?
I'm not seriously suggesting this btw; just making a stand against compulsory fun.

[Clothrabbit]

In previous years a meal out was organised, which usually started late afternoon. Then a trip to the pub. Then a small group might go on to the pub. To be honest, I thought that was much better as people could go home straight after the meal, or go to the pub for one drink, if they weren't really into spending the whole night sitting in a pub or listening to loud music.

[maras2]

DH and I both agree that the best part of retirement is no longer feeling obliged to do the work parties, especially Christmas ones.[santa]
5th year now and still appreciating it.

[Clothrabbit]

Sorry, then a small group might go onto a club, not pub.

[SpeedbirdFoxtrot]

That’s not unreasonable at all! I socialise with colleagues but I’m not into those types of events either.

[NoKnit]

You have to pay yourself?

Absolutely don't go and even if it was paid for I still wouldn't go unless it was in work hours

[fuzzywuzzy]

You have to pay for your own food and drink?

What bit took the very hard work of planning then?
I tend to be one of the people who organises ours and the bit that takes time is organising the food (catering for all tastes), drinks and sorting out bar tabs and sorting thro the people who want to drink and who don't (those who don't drink can drink as much non-alcoholic drink has they want, alcohol we have to cap).

then chasing for RSVP's as we need to let the venue know the numbers in advance. also we do favours on tables and prizes and stuff and we tend to get polls on where they want the party etc.

Wouldn't say I work massively hard over it or that I am ever upset if people don't go (practically everyone does).

Don't go if you don't want to, I wouldn't either if I was being forced to spend money on food and drink at a venue not of my choosing on a menu not of my choosing with people I see too much of anyway.

[Molokonono]

If you are paying then no chance!

[motortroll]

I never go to mine. I get on with loads of people at work but none of the are my friends outside of work really. No love spending time with these people but I also am not into dancing/drinking/drunk people and close to Xmas there's usually something else on the same day or same weekend that I'd rather do tbh.

I've never been berated for it though!

When I was in my 20s I went to all the social events and was in the pub every Friday. Ive grown in a different direction now the

[chillpizza]

I think ours this year is involving an overnight stay or a very costly
Taxi home. You get asked if you are going but really it’s mandatory and you will be pulled up on the fact you didn’t attended id you no show.

[mydogisthebest]

I would stick to your guns and not go. If the party really did clash with a previous engagement of yours you wouldn't be able to go would you?

I hated Christmas parties when I was working (or any work social things to be honest) and in around 40 years of working only went to, I think, about 8 parties!

[SnuggyBuggy]

I must sound boring as fuck but an event that doesn't even start until 10pm really wouldn't appeal

[Clothrabbit]

Yes, I always used to go to the Christmas party but in latter years I only go if it's something I would enjoy i.e. a meal out. That hasn't happened in the last few years so it's a while since I attended. I don't know if that's been noticed, but there really isn't any consultation about what people would like to do. The same few people just go ahead and book something and then email around.

I know it's good of them to organise something, but I've gone well past the stage of just going to the Christmas party because I feel I should. But for some reason those comments got to me. But this thread has cleared things up a bit.

[MiddlingMum]

I must sound boring as fuck but an event that doesn't even start until 10pm really wouldn't appeal

Me too, that's my bedtime. I never went to social occasions when I worked for companies. Much better to keep colleagues and friends entirely separate.

[Snowymountainsalways]

Listen don't be guilted into going! You have the 'other' event remember.

Perhaps the organisers should have enquired as to whether a night like this would go down well before they arranged it in the first place! If they want people to go they should sound out the idea first, not expect others to fund their nights out. Bloody cheek.

You are working there, thats all. You haven't committed your entire life to the company.

[EscapeToTheMoon]

You have a prior arrangement remember 🤥 so stick to that. Can’t be helped. I worked somewhere for 7 years and never went to a social event.

Now ive changed jobs and they have a few every year but i camt go. My kids come 1st and i am busy with them so drinking outings are out of the question. But come Christmas I will go with them.

[cheesefield]

Fuck that, I hate the office Christmas parties. I never go. Would sooner eat a live spider.

[AlpacaPicnic]

God no, don't go and don't feel guilty.

I'm the unofficial Christmas do organiser at work and it's a bloody thankless task but I always send the details to everyone with the line 'everyones invited but nobody is obliged'. Some people are busy with other engagements, some people just don't fancy it, some people can't get a babysitter... I'm just grateful when people let me know one way or the other and don't muck me around!

[5foot5]

However, a few people are going around saying that the organisers go to a lot of trouble and it's very mean of staff to not support the event.

Well they haven't gone to so much trouble as to suss out what most people would like to do!

YANBU - sounds grim to me.

In my first job, in a medium sized company, we usually had a dinner dance which was quite good. It was always free and there was often a coach laid on so that nobody had to drive.

Then one year some new management decided to change the event to an evening out in a night club in a city. A significant number cried off and in the end one of the other managers, who was kind of past caring what the new regime thought of him, organized a dinner a bit more like the thing we were used to. We had to pay for ourselves and sort our own transport but it was still at least as popular as the "official" do. Ha!

[Alexaaaa]

I have to organise ours every year and I don't want to go!

Stay home, don't let them guilt you.

[CoffeeFountain]

I feel ya OP.

I don't really enjoy our Xmas do's as much as the others do.

Last year I said I couldn't make it as was visiting family and they swapped the whole date around! This year I will leave it last minute. I do hear whispers from the person who organises it though, saying no showers are ungrateful.

But then our company pays for the meals